


Definitely You

by chuju_cnwn



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Drama, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, Humor, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2019-01-02
Packaged: 2019-08-04 23:23:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 68,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16356272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chuju_cnwn/pseuds/chuju_cnwn
Summary: It was over.Youngjae had finally gone through all the stages of the auditions successfully a few days ago, and today he was signing his first contract for a real job. He was still underage, so he was accompanied by his older brother, who would stay by his side until the company took Youngjae under their wing.He was glad his brother had found some free time to go to Seoul with him. Everything felt and looked so scary, so fast. He couldn’t even believe he was there yet. And that he was going to become…‘An idol! You!’ Youngjae thought to himself as the person that had been handling his contract led him to the meeting room where he’d be signing the final paperwork.He sat down, glanced at his brother, – who noticed how nervous his little brother was and had a hand over his shoulder – and after going through the terms of the contract, took the pen and signed it.It was over. He was going to begin a new stage in his life.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome to my first 2jae fic. I began writing this last year and it has been siting on my folder for ages, but I finally had the courage to post it - even though I'm not pleased with this story and I don't think I'll ever be.  
> This story is based on real events mixed with events taken out of my wild imagination.  
> English isn't my first language and my two dear best friends proof-read this, but still, if there are any mistakes, I apologize.  
> Hope you enjoy this story! :)

It was over.

 

Youngjae had finally gone through all the stages of the auditions successfully a few days ago, and today he was signing his first contract for a real job. He was still underage, so he was accompanied by his older brother, who would stay by his side until the company took Youngjae under their wing.

 

He was glad his brother had found some free time to go to Seoul with him. Everything felt and looked so scary, so fast. He couldn’t even believe he was there yet. And that he was going to become…

 

‘ _An idol! You!_ ’ Youngjae thought to himself as the person that had been handling his contract led him to the meeting room where he’d be signing the final paperwork.

 

He sat down, glanced at his brother, – who noticed how nervous his little brother was and had a hand over his shoulder – and after going through the terms of the contract, took the pen and sign it.

 

It was over. He was going to begin a new stage in his life.

 

“Congratulations. We’ll give you a couple a of days to settle in first, so you should start moving your belongings to the dormitory. I’ll go through that with you in a second, alright? I just have to make sure your contract goes to its right place first.” the staff explained, as she left the room, taking the paper with her.

 

“Hm, alright.” Youngjae nodded.

 

She returned shortly after and gave Youngjae the address and the key-number of the dormitory’s door. Youngjae would be living and training with six other trainees, who were on their last stages of training and would very soon debut. If he managed to keep up and reach their level, he would most likely make his debut with those boys. Those were the terms that had been proposed to him, and the terms he had accepted.

 

He couldn’t believe it was happening, that was one thing. But that didn’t mean he would put in any less effort in his work. If that’s what he had to do, then that’s what he was going to do. He was going to reach the other trainees’ level, no matter what.

 

Youngjae took a long walk with Youngsoo and went to have dinner with him. It would be their last time together for a while, so he wanted to have a proper farewell. They had fun, remembering the times they were younger. Music and singing had always been a passion shared by both, and Youngsoo couldn’t be prouder when Youngjae told him his vocal teacher had advised him to try auditioning for a big entertainment company, and he was strongly considering it.

 

Good thing he’d followed his older brother’s advice. He immediately told Youngjae to go for it.

 

The next day, Youngsoo dropped Youngjae off in front of the address the company had given them. After making sure his little brother would be fine on his own, and that he could assure their mother he was fine when he returned home, Youngsoo hugged Youngjae and let him go to start his new life.

 

“It’ll be fine! We’ll see each other in no time!” Youngjae smiled and waved goodbye, as he entered the building.

 

He took one last look at his older brother and made his way to the elevator.

 

‘ _Wow…this is really happening. What should I say when I meet them?_ ’ Youngjae wondered, adjusting the heavy backpack that was hanging on his shoulders.

 

He had arrived. And he was now standing in front of the dormitory’s front door. He took one look at the paper that the staff had given him earlier with the door code and started pressing the tiny buttons, to open the door.

~

“ _I’m walking on sunshiiiine, woaaaaah! I’m walking on sunshine WOAAAAAH!”_ Bambam ~~screamed~~ sang his lungs out, as he finished his shower. He, Mark and Jackson had just returned from practice.

 

“SHUT UP!” he heard Mark scream from his bedroom, followed by his and Jackson’s giggles.

 

It was another fine day in their trainee life. Everything was going well. Bambam even had time to shower after their practice finished earlier than expected.

 

He was walking out of the bathroom, confidently, no clothes on, only his towel as the dorm rule stated. That dorm rule being _Private Space? What’s that?_

“Oh, is that the front door I hear? Must be the rest of the guys. Let’s see what you think about this!” Bambam said, confidently taking off the towel as he striked his best pose at the door.

 

It wasn’t the rest of the guys. It was some random dude. Probably a new trainee? Bambam didn’t know, but he felt like an idiot right now. With his hands behind his back and his legs spread to the side, he bowed down to the dude before covering himself again and running away to Mark’s and Jackson’s room.

 

“Guys, there’s a guy inside our dorm. Looks like a new trainee. I’ve never seen him before, at least, and he looks completely lost. Also, I pretty much flashed at him.” Bambam blurted out all at once, making the two listening to him go from perplexed, to intrigued to finally just done with Bambam overall.

 

“Is he cute at least?” Jackson asked enthusiastically.

 

“I…don’t know. Didn’t really get to look at his face. But he looked…pretty cute, I suppose.”

 

“I guess we’ll have to go have a look, then. Let’s go, Mark!” Jackson screeched, pulling Mark with him by his arm.

 

 

Youngjae was perplexed. He’d just entered the dormitory for the first time, hoping to meet the other trainees – and hoping they wouldn’t be too harsh on him – and he’d just seen one of them completely naked. He guessed he’d be seeing a lot of that from now on. The thought made his skin crawl. Letting strangers see him naked? No way, he was keeping his clothes on 24/7. If not, that’d probably just give them a reason to make fun of him.

 

“There you are!” some guy shouted. “Ah! He’s adorable, look at him!” he looked tough at first, but now here he was, pinching Youngjae’s cheeks.

 

“What’s your name?” another guy asked. He looked like a model to Youngjae.

 

“Hum…Choi Youngjae. I’m the new trainee. Nice to meet you.” Youngjae bowed down.

 

“Well, Youngjae, I’m Jackson and this is Mark. How old are you?” the first guy that talked said.

 

“Seventeen.”

 

“Ah, so we are older! Don’t worry we’re going to take good care of you!” Youngjae was getting scared. This guy was hugging him now.

 

“Jackson, stop that. You.” The model guy, Mark, looked at Youngjae starting from his feet to his eyes. “Trained elsewhere before?”

 

“No…uh…just some…vocal lessons. In my hometown.” Youngjae was feeling judged by this Mark guy.

 

“Where are you from? I’m from Hong Kong, he’s American. Oh, and that boy that flashed you is from Thailand. Pretty neat, eh?” Jackson nudged Youngjae.

 

“Uh, yes.” Youngjae smiled and nodded. “I’m from… _Mokpo_.” Youngjae’s voice was almost inaudible at the last word. He’d never been ashamed from being from Mokpo, but these guys we’re all foreigners, they’d probably think his hometown was a joke.

 

“Oh! Jinyoungie and Jaebumie are from the country-side too! You’ll probably get along great! Have you met them?” Jackson asked and Youngjae shook his head.

 

“Hey, kids! We got some food for everyone. Yugyeom was starving.” A new voice spoke.

 

Youngjae looked at the door. Three other guys were entering. Youngjae couldn’t take his eye off one of them, the one that had spoken specifically. He looked…really cool.

 

“Oh, who’s this?” another guy spoke. Youngjae figured he would be older than him. However, his voice was really squeaky.

 

“Oh, shit.” The cool guy said. “I forgot. Guys this is…Choi Youngjae, right?” he walked over to Youngjae, dropping his things on the floor.

 

‘ _This kid…a trainee? This must be a joke. He probably doesn’t even know what a microphone is._ ’ Jaebum thought to himself.

 

“Yes. The possible main vocal for the group.” Youngjae tried to look as confident as possible.

 

Everyone stared at him in confusion, some in shock, even.

 

“Hum…anyway, he’s part of our group now. They told me about him the other day but then they scheduled today’s classes and I forgot about it. Don’t take it too personally, Youngjae. I’m Jaebum, by the way. _The_ main vocal.” Jaebum made sure to emphasize the last words.

 

“Oh.” Youngjae blushed and looked down to his foot. So, there was a main vocal already. The contract must have been wrong, then.

 

“I’m Jinyoung and this is Yugyeom.”

 

Jaebum asked them to save the introductions for later as they had to start getting dinner ready and Youngjae probably needed to put down his belongings first.

 

“You were holding on to all that the whole time? Come on, follow me.”

 

Youngjae followed Jaebum as they moved to Jaebum’s – now their – room. Youngjae was obviously shocked as he entered the tiny room, as he gasped loudly.

 

“Sorry, it’s no hotel suite, but it will be good enough for us. I’m sure they’ll get us bunkbeds when we start making money.” Jaebum laughed, trying to relax Youngjae. It worked, but the other didn’t take long before he asked if they were going to share the small mattress Jaebum had been using just for himself. “I guess we have no other choice. I don’t want you to sleep on the floor, and I don’t want to do that either. Sorry if it’s too inconvenient, we can try to find a solution tomorrow, but honestly I think it’s best for you to just stay here tonight.”

 

“I’m the one who’s sorry…you had your own room and now you have to share it with some stranger.” Youngjae was embarrassed.

 

“Hey, you’re no stranger, you are Youngjae, my fellow member. It’s alright, we’ll be sharing the room for a long time if you don’t decide to sleep somewhere else, so I guess we’ll just start getting used to it today.”

 

“Thank you so much.” Youngjae said seriously as he bowed, making Jaebum chuckle. “I appreciate your sacrifice and if you want me to stay here, that’s what I’ll do.”

 

“Seems like you are good with words.” Jaebum ruffled his hair playfully. “Let’s start unpacking some stuff now. Where’s the most important stuff?” Jaebum asked as he moved to Youngjae bags and boxes.

 

“Ah, in here.” Youngjae quickly picked up his backpack.

 

“Feels a bit like a sleepover, eh?” Jaebum added as he started hanging up the clothes Youngjae was taking out.

 

“Only I’m sleeping here forever.” Youngjae smiled. His smile was pretty, Jaebum thought. His future fans would surely like it.

 

“I’m sure you’ll have your own place someday. When you are older, that is. I’m not letting you get a place before you are of age, that’s for sure.” Jaebum said in a serious voice, but Youngjae laughed, now more confidently.

 

As they went through Youngjae’s belongings, putting them in their respective places neatly together, Jaebum talked Youngjae through the group’s mechanics, so Youngjae wouldn’t feel so lost next time they were all together. He explained to him how the dorm life worked, what role each member had been assigned as of now, and how he’d have to work seriously hard if wanted to catch up with them.

 

“Getting everything so far?” Jaebum asked him, as they finished organizing Youngjae’s last items.

 

“I…think so. So…if you’re the leader, I should respect you, right?”

 

“Were you planning not to?” Jaebum asked him playfully, but a bit bothered that Youngjae was asking something so silly.

 

“No, no! I just wanted to make sure! I mean, it makes sense why you were the one that took me to their bedroom…wait that came out wrong, that’s not what I mean! Uh…I mean, you have more responsibilities than the others and you should look out after everyone, especially those that need it the most.” Youngjae tried to make a point. What was that point? He wasn’t sure himself.

 

“I guess…that’s right. Okay I think that’s everything. Let’s go check on Jinyoung.” Jaebum patted Youngjae’s back as they left the tiny bedroom.

 

“Oh…about the members, I’m confused about something. That boy…is the youngest?” Youngjae pointed at Yugyeom, not believing what he had heard Jaebum say earlier about their ages.

 

“Sadly, that’s not the only thing about him that’ll make you confused. You see, he and Bambam are…a bit weird when they’re together. But you’ll get used to it.”

 

They sat down on the living room’s floor for dinner. All of them – except Mark, who still hadn’t warmed up to Youngjae – were asking Youngjae questions about him, his family, his life back in Mokpo, his interests, and all they could think of asking.

 

But the conversation had to come to an end at some point. Jaebum sent everyone off to bed, as they’d have to wake up early the next day for their practice – Youngjae’s first – and he had to be sure everyone was well rested.

 

They were eventually ready to go to sleep. Jaebum had left Youngjae in the bathroom so he could change to his pajamas for the first time in the dorm more comfortably. He was a bit shocked when the other entered the room with a matching two-piece pajama with a polka-dots and dogs print.

 

“That’s cute.” Jaebum giggled from his side of the bed, one hand supporting his head and the other holding his phone.

 

Youngjae felt his face burn as he looked at the other. He wanted to, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Jaebum. He couldn’t even move.

 

“Why are you naked?!” Youngjae almost screeched, as he finally returned to earth, taking his hands to cover his eyes.

 

“Huh? Oh.” Jaebum looked down. “This is how I sleep, Youngjae. You’ve never seen another man naked?” Jaebum laughed at the other.

 

“Yes! But…! I mean-”

 

“Sorry, didn’t think you’d care. The room gets very hot, so I’ve stopped bothering to put on a pajama a long time ago. I guess…I’ll put something on, if it’ll make you feel better.” Jaebum said before moving to his pile of washed clothes and taking out a random t-shirt and briefs.

 

“T-thanks. And…sorry.”

 

“Don’t. Let’s sleep now, alright?” Jaebum patted Youngjae’s side of the bed. Youngjae stumbled on his way and lied down.

 

“Ah, Youngjae…. this isn’t going well for you. You didn’t turn off the light. Do you know what that means?” Jaebum exhaled with a stern expression. Youngjae shook his head, with frightened eyes. “Means I have to get up and go do it myself. I was just messing with you. You look so scared right now, for nothing. I don’t bite.” Jaebum chuckled.

 

The lights were off, Jaebum and Youngjae in bed.

 

‘ _What a day…_ ’ Youngjae thought, before drifting off to sleep. Next to Jaebum.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm back with another chapter.  
> I feel like a certain part of this chapter will be a bit upsetting - as it was upsetting for me when I wrote it - but...it is necessary T_T I won't spoil much, but I based it on a real event...  
> Also, it's the first time I'm posting a fic here, so I'm still getting used to it. I made some alterations to the layout of the text. I've also changed JB's name from Jaebum to Jaebeom...hoping the change won't be bothering, I just hadn't edited this for a long time and I now prefer this romanization of his name.   
> I think that's all for now! I'll try to update again as soon as college lets me lol Have a nice day ;)

Youngjae had been training with the group for four months now. It was going…well. Most of it. Mark was still a bit cold to him, for some reason. And, surprisingly, he was struggling with the vocal lessons. Even more surprising, turns out he was one hell of a dancer, their dance teacher even going as far as calling him a ‘prodigy of dance’ because of how quickly he was catching up with the rest of the group, who had been training for much longer than him.

“It’s amazing, Youngjae. Really! If you’d started earlier…woah!” Yugyeom was excited. His passion for dance could take over him sometimes.

“Who’d think?” Jaebeom patted his back.

“Ah…just let me have lunch!” Youngjae wiggled his legs in embarrassment.

At that moment, they were enjoying a short break before their next separate lessons – which meant eating as much as they could as they sat around the dance studio after an exhausting marathon of dancing lessons.

“Oh, Youngjae, today is exactly your 4th month of training!” Jackson suddenly pointed out.

“Right!”

“Oh, it is!” the others added excitedly.

“Enjoying everything so far?” Jackson wiggled his eyebrows, and Youngjae nodded, unsurely what was Jackson’s point.

A group of female trainees passed by the door. Jackson looked at them, and then back to Youngjae, still wiggling his eyebrows.

Youngjae suddenly realized what Jackson was trying to say. “Hum…yeah, I like hanging out with you guys. And learning all these things is fun. But I don’t see why the other trainees should be affecting my training.” Youngjae chuckled.

“They can be distracting you.” Jaebeom suddenly spoke. “Go on, like any of them? I know all of them, I can get you two to talk.”

‘ _And ruin everything by telling her that you have bad breath. Wait, I didn’t say this out loud, right?_ ’ The thought passed through Jaebeom’s mind.

“Uh…I think I’m fine. Thanks, anyway.” Youngjae stuffed his mouth with his hamburger. He really didn’t want to talk about things like this right now.

“He’s so shy, look at him! So adorable! Come on, Youngjae. You can trust me…I know you must have a crush on someone. Oh! Is it me?” Jackson seemed excited at that thought.

“Maybe it is!” Youngjae stuck his tongue out, bits of chewed burger still visible, and targeted it to Jackson face, trying to gross out the older boy.

“Let’s stop now. Youngjae, we should go to our vocal lesson.” Jaebeom ordered, shoving the rest of his hamburger inside his mouth.

The leader got up right after, pulling Youngjae up by his arm. Youngjae bowed down to apologize to the older boy and followed Jaebeom out of the room.

“So, who do you want to meet?” Jaebeom asked again.

“Huh? Oh…I don’t care.” Youngjae shrugged.

“You’ll settle for anyone?” Jaebeom chuckled. In a weird way, but Youngjae pretended he hadn’t noticed.

“No, I meant I don’t care for that. I want to focus on training. And you shouldn’t be encouraging me to date anyway! You’re older, you should be looking out for me!” Youngjae said loudly and Jaebeom stopped them, staring sternly at Youngjae.

“Come here!” Jaebeom grabbed Youngjae, and head locked him playfully. “Telling me what to do! Tsk tsk!”

“Ahh! Sorry!” Youngjae tried to apologize between giggles.

“Are you guys done yet?” their vocal teacher suddenly interrupted them, clearly annoyed at them.

“Sorry.” They said at the same time, Jaebeom letting go of Youngjae quickly.

They looked at each other as the teacher entered the room, her back facing them, and smiled, Jaebeom nudging Youngjae.

~

Six months had passed. Training was intense, but Youngjae was never alone. He had his new friends to count on, so it was easier to go through his lack of experience. Mark was a bit closer to him now, but not as much as the others. Youngjae didn’t know why, though. Maybe it was just because he was shy and more reserved than the others and himself. He didn’t have anything against Mark, anyway. He seemed like a good person. He just wished the other would talk to him more.

Also, there was still the vocal lessons problem. He felt like a failure every time he left the practice room. Their teacher was very strict, and he was never good enough to her.

Today had been one of the worst days. Youngjae had stupidly fallen asleep on the living room with an open window during their afternoon break, and he woke up to a sore throat. Jaebeom even tried to make it better with a warm cup of tea, but there was only so much that could be done.

“You have to be more careful next time, okay?” Jaebeom asked him as they walked to the room where they took their lessons, before Youngjae promised him he’d wear scarfs all the time from now on.

And as Youngjae was expecting, his performance couldn’t even reach half of his abilities. The teacher even called in Jinyoung PD, who was taking care of their debut, so he could see “What an embarrassment he was to her and the company.”, in her words.

“This is ridiculous, Youngjae. A future main vocal, doing stupid mistakes like this. Do you want to lose your position? Cause Jaebeom and Jinyoung can take care of the main vocals perfectly, we don’t need you, and we don’t need to give you all of these lessons for you to sing like this at your last month of training.” JYP said harshly.

Youngjae was looking down, not being able to look at anyone in the eyes right now. Next to him, he noticed Jaebeom clenching his fists. The other was clearly angry but couldn’t say anything for obvious reasons.

“Sorry. I just forgot to close the window and-“

“Youngjae, I don’t care about your excuses. Start putting in some effort for once, okay? You learned how to dance, congratulations. But you’re not going anywhere with just dancing and that face. You really need this position. Are we clear?”

“Yes.” Youngjae bit his lip.

“You’re dismissed for today.” JYP announced, looking displeased.

Youngjae sighed after he left the room, leaning against a nearby wall.

“Come on. You need to cool off.” Jaebeom circled his arm around Youngjae’s shoulders and pulled him along. “Don’t worry about your throat, it’s sore now anyway.” He said, as they reached their destination.

The rooftop. Youngjae had rarely been there. But it was really what he needed right now. To cool off.

“Can’t even believe half of the shit that idiot said. Don’t even listen to him, Youngjae. Just keep agreeing with him like you did there.” Jaebeom scowled.

“He…is right though, you know? I’m nothing compared to you or Jinyoung.” Youngjae felt his eyes watery. He sat down, not feeling great.

“What? Youngjae, you just had a bad day, that’s all. You’re still here. Most people would have walked away after hearing something like that.” Jaebeom joined Youngjae, sitting next to him.

“Yeah, if the producers didn’t kick them out first. Which is probably what they’ll do to me.” Youngjae couldn’t hold in any longer. Tears were streaming down his face.

“I’m not letting that happen. I’m not letting you give up over his, Youngjae. Damn it.” Jaebeom sniffed.

Youngjae looked to Jaebeom. He was crying too.

Great. Now, Youngjae felt even worse for making the other boy cry.

“Sorry…I’ll try to do better.” Youngjae used his sleeve to wipe his tears.

“Youngjae…it’s okay. You can cry. I’m sad, too. I’m really tired and they just keep giving me more work. Like now, I have to be comforting you.” Jaebeom chuckled, trying to make Youngjae smile a bit.

It worked. For like…2 seconds. Then Youngjae started bawling his eyes out. And Jaebeom didn’t take long to join him. With Youngjae’s head resting on Jaebeom’s shoulder, the two vocalists became just a bit closer by crying like two children, on the rooftop of JYPE.

That night, Youngjae told Jaebeom to sleep in the way he felt more comfortable. It wasn’t much, but Youngjae wanted Jaebeom to know that he, now more than ever, really trusted him. Jaebeom understood it, without having to add anything else.

~

 Even if it had been awkward at first, they started to get used to it. Youngjae was surely now one of them, and he really felt like he had been there since the beginning – and Jaebeom totally didn’t secretly favor him, not at all. Maybe a little bit, but the older would never admit it.

 Months kept on steadily going by until the big news every single one of them was waiting for came out. They had a debut date scheduled. Which meant they would be going to prepare their own song to perform on stage for the first time as a group.

Their training schedule intensified and Jaebeom wasn’t sure if it was helping them to be more prepared or just tiring them to the point of exhaustion. It was like they were living at JYPE’s headquarters, getting vocal and dance lessons throughout the entire day.

The last week of training before they would receive their parts and start recording their group song was coming to its end, and Jaebeom and Youngjae had been given a duet to prepare for their last vocal lesson as trainees. Today was their evaluation.

Jaebeom woke up, next to a sleeping Youngjae. He smiled and poked his forehead as he noticed the younger furrowing his eyebrows.

“Why don’t you just wake up instead of having nightmares…” Jaebeom sighed, as he prepared for the hard task of waking up Youngjae.

This had been one of the many endearing things the older one had found about Youngjae so far. He was a rock when he was sleeping, and it took someone with a lot of willpower to wake him up. But Jaebeom had developed a method of gently tapping, shaking, lifting and calling Youngjae that would eventually wake up the cute sleepyhead.

“Come on, Youngjae, it’s our evaluation today.” He said before Youngjae finally showed signs of life as he squirmed and tried to shut his eyes again.

“I don’t wanna go…I had a bad dream about it…” Youngjae’s voice was still hoarse.

“What are you talking about? Do you need to vent?” Jaebeom asked him – way too preoccupied but pretending he wasn’t – as he picked out an outfit for himself, while throwing a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie at Youngjae for the younger to wear. Youngjae groaned but eventually gave in.

“I can’t do it. I tried everything, but it comes out all wrong. I can’t do it like you.” Youngjae sighed sadly as he threw his pajamas away and started dressing himself.

“What can’t you do, exactly?” Jaebeom, was confused. “And don’t even think about leaving your pajamas just lying around like that.”

“Hey, okay, okay.” Youngjae started to fold his pajamas neatly as he tried to come up with the words to explain his problem. “Well…it’s our song. The duet. I got the notes right but…there’s just something missing and I can’t understand what I’m doing wrong. But I’ve seen by our teacher’s face, last time we sang it, she had a really weird expression when I was singing, but she looked very pleased when you were singing.”

Jaebeom stared at Youngjae for a while, trying to make sense of what Youngjae was saying. He was, in his opinion, a great singer, very promising. What was he still so insecure about? He decided to interrupt whatever Youngjae’s train of thought was, as it seemed like it was about to make him rip the hem of his shirt.

“Ah, Youngjae…” Jaebeom sighed as he sat down on their tiny mattress, so he could have a better look at his troubled friend. “Look, you haven’t been evaluated yet and you are scared it won’t go well because she’s always putting you down. I understand that. And I’m scared too, you know? After all, I’m going to be singing with a very talented boy who claimed he was going to take my position away on the first day we met.” Jaebeom joked and Youngjae ended up laughing loudly.

“I’m sorry about that, I didn’t know there was a main vocal already.” Youngjae scratched his head in embarrassment.

“We’re going to be a great duo, don’t worry. We’ll be…the vocal couple!” Jaebeom’s soul cringed as he said those last two words. What was going on in his mind to say something so lame? But it had made Youngjae laugh again and he had really come to like Youngjae’s loud laugh.

“Vocal couple, that’s so corny.” Youngjae said after regaining his breath.

“Let’s stop now, we need to finish getting ready.” Jaebeom got up in the blink of an eye. Youngjae was really, very annoying sometimes. Yes, he knew, Youngjae hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary. But still, he was annoying.

The younger one followed the leader to the kitchen, where everyone was already running around, trying to finish their breakfasts as they put their socks on or combed their hair.

“Good morning, lovebirds. What took you so long?” Jackson asked in an accusing but playful tone. Jaebeom choked on the tea he’d just made.

“You okay?” Jinyoung asked him.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Youngjae is a pain in the ass to wake up.” Jaebeom snarled.

“He has a pain in his ass? Did I hear that correctly?” Jackson kept teasing the already grumpy Jaebeom.

“Jackson, what the hell. You heard very well what he said.” Jinyoung tried hard to stay serious, but even he had to admit Jaebeom’s choice of words and Jackson’s interpretation was sort of funny.

“Alright, when you two stop being pricks, let me know. I’m going to my lesson. Youngjae, let’s go.” He put down his cup and smacked Youngjae’s shoulder.

“But I’m not-“ Youngjae tried to counter, as he was about to take a spoonful of his favorite cereal when Jaebeom decided it was time for them to leave.

“I said, let’s go. We’re going to be late.” Jaebeom ended the argument by pulling Youngjae by his sleeve.

“Damn, what’s gotten into him…?” Mark spoke, as he appeared in the kitchen just in time to watch Jaebeom storm out of the dorm, accompanied by a confused Youngjae.

“Apparently, it’s the other way around. You see, Jaebeom got inside-“

“He was upset because I ate his last…package of cookies.” Jinyoung covered Jackson mouth before he said anything that would leave everyone confused and would probably end in a short fight between Jaebeom and Jackson.

“Jaebeom eats cookies? Why can’t we eat cookies?” “Yeah, and why didn’t you share the package with us?” Yugyeom and Bambam protested loudly, hearing the conversation from the living room.

“Can everyone just shut up and finish getting ready? We need to go!” Jinyoung was done with everyone’s shenanigans. Maybe he was overreacting, but he would have to talk to Jaebeom about what had just happened later. He knew Jaebeom could quickly lose his cool, and if he started acting like that, they would begin to crumble. Jaebeom couldn’t be fighting over Jackson’s silly remarks at this stage. If he really wanted to, he could do it after their debut. But right now, it wasn’t the time.

“Jinyoung, are you alright? You look like you’re about to explode with rage.” Mark approached him quietly and hugged him for a second.

“I’m fine! I just wished everyone would come to their senses and focus.” Jinyoung exhaled.

“Chill, Jinyoung. We’re all good kids, we won’t let you or anyone down.” Mark massaged Jinyoung’s upper arm and smiled. When he felt Jinyoung relax, he let him go so they could, too, finish getting ready.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Came back to post another chapter :)  
> Thought i should add this before the story so that it'll make more sense. The Minjun mentioned in the beginning of this chapter is Kim Minjun a.k.a. 2PM's Jun.K (who, in case you didn't know, only had adlibs on 2PM's debut song, 10 out of 10).  
> Btw thanks to everyone who left a comment! you were all so nice!! i wasn't expecting any comments or kudos...so, thanks everyone :')  
> Welp I'm done with my classes for the week so have a nice weekend and enjoy this fluffy chapter :D

_**“So, after today’s lesson we decided you still aren’t ready, and you’ll have to wait before you have a center part in your main song, Youngjae. If it makes you feel any better, you’ll be like our hidden card next time. If you guys have a comeback, that is.”**_

“That’s it. I’m done for.” Youngjae confided in Jaebeom, burying his head in his arms as he sat down on their dance studio’s floor.

They had just left a meeting with the producers and two of their vocal teachers, where they had found out that Youngjae would not have a part in their debut song. And now, Jaebeom didn’t know what to say. He was just hoping Youngjae wouldn’t start crying. Then he would really leave him speechless. He tried to come up with anything that would sound comforting, although he understood how Youngjae must have been feeling at that moment.

“Hey, it’s not that bad. Hum…look at Minjun! He also didn’t have parts when he debuted and now, he’s one of the best singers here.” Jaebeom said, sitting by his side.

“Yes, but he’s Minjun. I’m…a hidden card.” Youngjae lied down, spreading his arms and legs out.

“I didn’t know you were so dramatic.” Jaebeom chuckled. “Listen, why don’t you take that…anger, I guess it’s fair to call it that, and work with it, hum?”

“What do you mean?” Youngjae’s head popped up.

Jaebeom got up and moved to the computer they used to play the songs they practiced. Suddenly, Youngjae heard a nice beat, a bit to cheery for him at this moment, but still nice.

He heard the sound of sneakers squeaking and hitting the floor, so he decided to sit up to get a better view. At that moment he really, at the same time, envied and admired the older boy. Envied, because he could be freely dancing and not having to worry too much about possibly being kicked out of the company for not being good enough. And admired because Jaebeom was really a great example. Anyone else would have left him alone to his thoughts, but Jaebeom stood by his side the whole time, and was even trying to cheer him up and not let him give up on himself.

“C’mon. I want to see what you’ve been practicing.” Jaebeom proposed as he finished his short freestyle segment.

Youngjae pondered for a bit before getting up. He tried to think about a choreography he had learned that would fit with the melody of the music they were listening to, before he thought about one that would surely work.

He began dancing shyly, trying to remember the steps, but as he moved and heard Jaebeom cheering for him, he felt more comfortable. He even added a few steps from his own mind as the song was coming to an end and the original choreography had no more steps. When the music ended, he fell on the wooden floor, exhausted.

“That was amazing! Youngjae, I think you’ve found the thing you said you were lacking on, whatever it was.” Jaebeom high-fived Youngjae, with a proud smile.

“You think so? I don’t know…I just…”

“Youngjae, this is one of those things you can’t really explain, you know?” Jaebeom was still smiling at the younger.

“Yeah…I think I do.” Youngjae smiled back.

They arrived at the dorm later that day, after Jaebeom decided to treat Youngjae with snacks and an ice cream from the convenience store down the street and a short walk around Cheongdamdong.

They were greeted by the members when they got home, but when Jaebeom noticed Jinyoung’s serious face along with Bambam’s and Yugyeom’s shifting eyes, he knew something was going on.

He sighed and sat down on the couch, waiting for Jinyoung’s lecture.

“What did I do wrong this time?”

“First of all, don’t even dare to be funny. Second, where the hell have you two been?!” Jinyoung was trying to maintain his cool but it was difficult.

“Around.” Jaebeom shrugged.

“Around?” Jinyoung copied him.

“Ugh. We went to the convenience store and then went for a walk. Why?”

“Well I don’t know if you remember but you left the dorm today angry at everything and everyone and even pulled Youngjae with you like the poor guy was a ragdoll.” Jinyoung had his hands on his waist.

“It’s okay. I’m the one you should be mad at, it was my fault. I took a long time to wake up and then I didn’t do very well at today’s vocal lesson and ended up…it doesn’t matter but Jaebeom just tried to help me. I shouldn’t have distracted him from everyone else, sorry.” Youngjae bowed to all of them individually.

“What happened anyways? Don’t tell me you got kicked out?” Jinyoung blurted out.

“Jinyoung!” some of them said in a low but shocked tone.

“What? It’s not like you’d be surprised, I don’t think even he’d be surprised.” Jinyoung pointed at Youngjae.

“Jinyoung, that’s enough. If you are just going to be rude, then insult me. But there’s no need to attack Youngjae. And I honestly can’t believe you would say something like that. We’ll continue this conversation tomorrow, before I also say something I’ll regret later. Let’s go, Youngjae.” Jaebeom got up and walked towards his bedroom.

“Do as you want then.” Jinyoung stormed away to his bedroom as well.

“Welp…that went well.” Jackson scratched his head and along with the rest of them, went to bed.

The next morning, Jaebeom felt like he had the weight of the entire world on his chest. He hated to fight with Jinyoung, especially over misunderstandings. But if Jinyoung was going to act like that again, he’d just have to take a step back and let it be.

He looked to his side and Youngjae was having a nightmare, again.

‘ _Cute._ ’ He thought, placing his finger between Youngjae’s deeply furrowed brows.

“Jaebeom…no…I don’t want to go…to leave you…” Youngjae mumbled in his sleep. Jaebeom coughed nervously and decided it was time to wake up the other.

He began his ritual and a few minutes later Youngjae was awake, looking dazed. Jaebeom didn’t say much and left Youngjae to fully wake up on his own, as he had to go talk to Jinyoung as soon as possible.

He found his friend in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for everyone along with Mark. He took a deep breath and hoped for the best.

“Jinyoung…” he sighed.

“Oh…Jaebeom.” Jinyoung turned around and after a reassuring nod from Mark, he took a step towards Jaebeom.

“Sorry for being so harsh yesterday. I just…wanted to get there on time, not even for me but for Youngjae. It wouldn’t look good if he arrived late. Guess it didn’t do him any good since they aren’t going to give him any major parts on our first song.” Jaebeom leaned his back against the fridge.

“Ah. So…that’s what happened. I feel like an idiot now.” Jinyoung admitted and Jaebeom did a ‘ _you-really-are-one’_ expression that made them along with Mark chuckle. “Shut up. So, how is he?”

“He’ll be okay. It won’t help him if we start turning on each other, though.”

“I’m sorry, I was just annoyed. Just don’t disappear like that again, send us a text or try to find one of us.” Jinyoung asked of him.

“If someone heard you, they’d think I had been missing for months.” Jaebeom chuckled.

“Ah…I’ll go apologize to Youngjae, too. Don’t want him thinking that I hate him.” Jinyoung exhaled.

After everyone felt they had apologized enough, the group left to the company to officially start their training as a group that was absolutely going to debut.

~

Debut was just around the corner at this point, so the group would now begin filming short videos of their schedule for their youtube channel. Over their training period they had received classes on how to act around cameras, how to act on a set, and for the past month they had been on more meetings then all their fingers together could count, going over the concepts for their music video, for their appearance, for their nicknames, for their personality, for basically everything that would make them future stars, hopefully. The group was lucky to have two members that were already experienced in debuting, and Jaebeom and Jinyoung had no problem in sharing their knowledge with the rest of the group. They had all bonded by now, a bond that was stronger than ever, and Jaebeom couldn’t deny Youngjae’s impact on that bond. The 7th member was really their lucky charm, and whatever problems there were with him where now long forgotten by all the members.

It was a cold December day when the seven boys woke up earlier than usual. It was the second day of their music video shooting, so even Youngjae woke up on time that day. Jaebeom wondered if he had slept at all, but the younger looked happy and lively as always, so he figured he had gotten some sleep.

Their manager hurried them out of the dorm, not letting them eat much in case anyone threw up from being too anxious. Jaebeom didn’t like that decision very much, because worse than throwing up from being anxious would be passing out because they didn’t have enough energy. But he had to just shut up and hope his members would be okay. He did feel much more reassured when he noticed Jinyoung smuggling some protein bars and some random snacks to his backpack as the manager hurried the maknae line to move faster.

“Let’s go, everyone, you should’ve all been downstairs by now.” The manager sighed impatiently.

They all rushed as they put their shoes on and moved to the elevator one by one, Jinyoung being the last to leave the dorm.

They got to the studio and started being rushed to the makeup stations and to the dressing rooms, where the staff was already working hard. They got over the concept for the video one last time and they were ready to begin as the last one of them finished his makeup.

Jaebeom noticed that Youngjae would often be following him, like he always did. But he wanted Youngjae to experience this day by himself. If he was afraid, he wanted him to overcome his fears on his own. And if he saw that Youngjae was struggling too much, then he would step in. It was also their first youtube video that was being filmed, and Jaebeom didn’t want it to make it seem like he favored Youngjae over the rest of the members, or that Youngjae only liked him. So, his plan was to stay away from the younger for as long as possible.

“Youngjae, why don’t you go try that racecar game with one of the managers?” he suggested during one of their breaks, remembering how Youngjae had once told him he held some Mokpo arcade house record for one of those games.

“Oh…oh, okay I’ll guess I’ll give it a try.” Youngjae didn’t put up too much of a fight and Jaebeom was glad for that. It would have been hard to avoid Youngjae all day when they now had a camera following them everywhere.

It was a bit difficult for him to just let Youngjae alone like that, not knowing how he was coping with the nerves from all the filming, but when he saw Youngjae being captured on his own by the manager’s camera, that was filming their behind-the-scenes video, he calmed down and felt much more reassured.

Filming continued, and everything was going smoothly. They weren’t making many mistakes and the leader was proud, especially of Youngjae, who hadn’t done a single mistake yet.

They were given another short break as the director needed to go over a few shots, and Youngjae didn’t really know what to do or where to go, so he just walked around the set until a pair of arms circled him from behind as a camera started filming his face. He didn’t care much about the camera, he was just happy that Jaebeom was finally acknowledging his existence after a whole day of basically ignoring him. It had been awful to be on his own for the whole day, and even worse to see Jaebeom avoiding him the few times he tried to go near him, before he gave up.

He began saying random sentences to the camera, as he was enjoying the attention that was being given to him way too much to even think about words and their meanings, until his stupid mouth blurted out that Jaebeom was “breeding” him. Youngjae felt like an idiot at that moment and wanted to run away, especially after Jaebeom’s shocked reaction. He didn’t know why those words came out of his mouth. He felt scared when Jaebeom suddenly dragged him away, claiming to the camera that he needed to train Youngjae as he laughed. Youngjae was confused but he laughed too, as he was dragged.

They arrived at a huge set that wasn’t being used and that served as a shield from prying eyes. The camera didn’t follow them. Youngjae was sure he was going to get scolded for saying something so dumb in front of the camera, but what happened after made him very, very flustered.

“Don’t ever say something like that again!” Jaebeom laughed, as he let go of Youngjae to hug him, his fingers tickling Youngjae’s sides.

“S-sorry.” Youngjae giggled, not trying to think too much about what was happening, but still feeling shivers down his spine and his knees lacking strength, aside from the ticklish sensation. Had it ever felt so nice to be tickled by someone?

The older let him go, placing an arm around his shoulders and pulling him along. Youngjae followed the example, mostly because his knees were completely gone, and he would probably fall if he let go of Jaebeom. They passed by the camera and Jaebeom’s surprises just wouldn’t stop there, as the leader suddenly exposed their title of “vocal couple” to the camera. The words resonated repeatedly in Youngjae’s ears _. Couple_. What was Jaebeom saying to the camera?! He had to say something silly quickly, so he just shouted he was the main vocal. That didn’t sit very well with the leader, who claimed the main title for himself. Youngjae had no strength in him to argue, so he just said they both were until Jaebeom continued saying nonsense and his knees finally gave in, making him trip and fall. Thankfully, as Jaebeom was still holding him and he was still holding onto Jaebeom, the older just pulled him up swiftly.

After the camera disappeared from their sight, Youngjae let go of Jaebeom and ran off to the first member he saw, trying not to look too obvious that he was running away from his leader.

What was happening to him? He was nervous just by thinking about hanging around Jaebeom? But that was ridiculous. Jaebeom was his leader, his groupmate, his roommate, his friend. There was nothing to be nervous about. What happened was just a playful joke between two close friends, and he was probably just tired from shooting, so he felt more sensitive.

Still, he chose to spend the rest of the music video shooting far from Jaebeom, in case something he shouldn’t say came out of his mouth again, and just hung around Jinyoung.

~

It was almost 6 A.M. when they finally finished filming the music video. They thanked everyone for their hard work and went to change back to their clothes, so they could head back to the dorm to get a few hours of sleep before their next schedule. Youngjae didn’t even notice when, but he was suddenly following Jaebeom around once again.

“You okay?” Jaebeom asked him as they tied their shoes.

“Uh-huh.” Youngjae nodded. “Just really sleepy.”

“Let’s hurry up then. The sooner we get home, the longer we’ll sleep.” Jaebeom patted his shoulder as he got up.

They quickly left the studio and got inside the mini-van that would carry them back to the place they most wanted to be right now, all of them: the dorm. Groans and yawns were heard here and there, as each one of them found their seat.

Youngjae and Jaebeom were the last ones to get inside. Once the van started its engine, Youngjae snuggled against Jaebeom’s shoulder. He was very tired, and anything would be good enough to replace a pillow at this point. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep. Jaebeom noticed the heavy weight on his shoulder at that moment and Youngjae was already fast asleep by then. He smiled and pinched Youngjae’s cheek. How dare the other be so adorable?

After a ride that felt too long, they arrived at the dormitory safe and sound, but tired and sleepy. Jaebeom had to basically drag Youngjae out of the van, as the younger was pretty much unconscious and wouldn’t fully wake up, which was making the other passengers quite impatient, as they wanted to get out of the car as quick as possible.

 Mark helped Jaebeom carry Youngjae to the elevator and all the way home. Jaebeom appreciated the help, even though he didn’t want to admit it. If he had to be honest, he didn’t really like it when the other members helped Youngjae with things he could help the other with just fine on his own.

“Want help carrying him to the bedroom?” the eldest asked him.

“Nope, I’ll take care of him from here.” Jaebeom replied, a bit too assertively.

“Alright, see you in a bit then.” Mark yawned and went to his bedroom.

Jaebeom opened the bedroom door, sleeping beauty Youngjae not helping him one bit as he was still…well, sleeping. Jaebeom had no idea how he was sleeping but walking and clinging on to him. But he didn’t really mind or care at this point; he just wanted to lie down for a while.

He threw Youngjae to the mattress and pushed him to his side of the bed. Youngjae protested something, turning around and slapping Jaebeom in the face in the process. Had it been someone else and Jaebeom would have probably slapped them back, but it was Youngjae, and Youngjae meant protection from his side. Plus, the other would probably scream very loudly if he did that and he didn’t want to wake up anyone. So, he just allowed Youngjae to do whatever he wanted to do in his deep slumber.

Was he expecting Youngjae to suddenly hug him and cuddle with him, nuzzling his nose on the connection between his neck and his shoulder? Not really. But hey, Youngjae was sleeping. He didn’t know what he was doing. And he was really squishy and adorable when he was sleeping. Jaebeom was tired and he definitely didn’t mind having a human teddy bear to snuggle.

 ~

Suddenly, the manager’s voice echoed in the dorm, telling them to wake up. It was a short nap, but it was probably one of the best naps Jaebeom had ever had. It was like Youngjae had been blessed with some sort of sleeping powers that made him and the people he touched in his sleep have a great slumber.

“Oh…oh sorry!” Youngjae’s voice suddenly spoke, as he let go of Jaebeom.

“Why?” Jaebeom shrugged.

“Oh, hum…because…I shouldn’t be hugging you and making you uncomfortable?” Youngjae shifted his eyes side to side.

“I wasn’t. Slept very well actually, thanks to you. We should sleep like this more often.” Jaebeom added before getting up and pulling Youngjae with him.

Jaebeom tried to ignore his heart beating faster. Youngjae hoped Jaebeom wouldn’t notice his sweaty palm as he pulled him along by his hand.

 _‘What is happening to me?_ ’ they both thought.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My weekend is almost over, so i thought i should post another chapter while i still have time. Don't really like the first few parts of this one, mostly because Youngjae is my bias and they were kinda hard for me to write T_T but it gets better...i think? i hope? lol also these first chapters will probably seem a bit rushed...it's just that if i wrote down everything got7 and 2jae did, this would literally take 4 to 5 years to write and another 4 to 5 to read :P still, i apologize for my poor writing skills  
> Anyways, hope you enjoy, i'll probably update again in 3 or 4 days ^^

They had finally debuted, and now work never stopped, although their schedules were more concise. It was hectic times and it was difficult for them to have a decent conversation without having a camera following them. But they were happy they could at least be together, promoting their own song. Jype was working hard to promote them, and they were even in talks to feature in their own show. Youngjae was finding the spotlight amazing, everything felt dreadfully astonishing and like it would just disappear from his grasp as quickly as it came to him.

Thankfully, he always had his leader by his side, to keep him at ground level. Jaebeom was great at that, at keeping them humble and thankful for all the opportunities that were presented to them.

He didn’t know how long their blissful rookie days would last, but he was certainly trying to make them become a great memory, to recollect sometime in the future. With every single one of his groupmates included in those memories.

~

The promotions for _Girls Girls Girls_ came to their end, and they were now preparing for their comeback. The confirmation of a comeback had made them bewildered. It was just absolutely fantastic seeing their hard work pay off and watching their fanbase grow steadily.

As they waited for the production team’s finishing touches for their comeback song and concept, the boys had time to rest at the dorm. And that was pretty much all they did when they were at the dorm, really. They had fun bonding over dinner, and even if the dorm was a bit too small for 7 people, it was fun sharing the space.

Jaebeom and Youngjae were still sharing their tiny, poorly ventilated room. It wasn’t much, but it was their little space of freedom. Most of the time, Jaebeom would be taking naps while Youngjae would be playing video games on his laptop. But other times, they enjoyed talking to each other about everything and nothing.

They had a free afternoon that day, so they decided to spend it just lying around on their all-too-small mattress.

“So, how are you feeling…about the debut?” Jaebeom asked randomly, a question that had been bugging him for a long time now, but he hadn’t had the chance to ask yet. Still, he needed to know if Youngjae was okay, if he wasn’t too stressed or anxious.

“It’s better than I thought, actually. It isn’t as bad as you and Jinyoung made it seem.” Youngjae laughed.

“You say that because you aren’t the leader.” Jaebeom snickered.

“I would be a great leader, if you ask me.” The younger proudly affirmed.

“Wasn’t going to.” Jaebeom smacked his head gently, making Youngjae laugh harder. “It’s really hard, you know? I’m always worried about y…about everyone. I’m always worried about everyone.”

Youngjae stared at the ceiling. He knew very well what Jaebeom was going to say but didn’t. Even if he wanted Jaebeom to be worried about him only, he knew the other couldn’t. There were other responsibilities, other people to look after.

“You know we really appreciate everything you do for us, right? Even if we like to make fun of you and all…”

“I know. I’m really thankful to everyone.”

“I am too. I couldn’t have done it without any of them. And I surely couldn’t have done it without you. It was really hard for me to get to you guys’ level, but I had always looked up to you, so the goal I set to myself was easier to achieve because of your example.” Youngjae confessed.

‘ _So this is how he feels about me?..._ ’ Jaebeom was speechless. He’d never thought about being an example to anyone, especially someone like Youngjae.

“Why not look up to yourself?” Jaebeom questioned him.

“Are you serious? I’m terrible, the only thing I can do slightly well is sing. Don’t even know how I got here. Guess it was a personality thing, since my looks don’t really fit any beauty standards for male idols.” Youngjae laughed bitterly and Jaebeom felt like slapping some sense into him.

“Youngjae, if people were hired for their looks, half of the country would be unemployed. Besides, you are…a great singer, you are our main vocal. And you achieved our level of dancing in record time, everyone praised you for that. It takes most people years to dance the way you’re dancing now. And you are adorable-I mean…I suppose…hum…fans find you adorable. I wouldn’t know. But the main point here is-“

“I’ve never seen you talk so much in one go.” Youngjae giggled.

“I see you aren’t depressed anymore. All I had to do is call you adorable?” Jaebeom teased the younger.

“No, that made me sick actually.” Youngjae’s laugh echoed in the room. “Ah…but, honestly, thank you. For saying those things. It means a lot.” He continued, now in a more serious tone.

“Just…don’t listen to those who try so hard to point out flaws you in you when you don’t have any.To me, you’re perfect.”

Jaebeom was really amazing, Youngjae thought. He just had to say some random words without any meaning and his heart would start beating incredibly fast, sweat would form in his palms. He had to come up with a distraction quickly, before he started overthinking Jaebeom’s words.

“I farted.” He said simply. And yup, that’s the first thing he came up with.

“Oh god, Youngjae.” Jaebeom covered his nose and laughed, fanning the air with his hand.

The mood was great and Jaebeom didn’t really care about Youngjae’s flatulence issues. He was a human after all, and it did, in some weird way, go along with the things Youngjae had confessed to him. Youngjae wasn’t just the cute silly kid that had fallen from the sky into got7. He was a cute silly kid who had fallen from the sky into got7, who was also just a normal boy, who had feelings and emotions that he had probably been repressing and keeping to himself, not wanting to burden his team any more than he already had, or at least thought he had. Because to Jaebeom, Youngjae was no burden and he would never be. To Jaebeom, he was the glue that made sure the group became one wherever they went.

“Youngjae, I…” no. What the hell was he going to say? What was he even thinking? And especially right after Youngjae’s fart.

“Hum?”

“I don’t mind you farting. Fart all you want.” Jaebeom dodged the bullet he had shot himself.

He really, truly needed to get a hang of himself and his feelings. What was he even feeling, to begin with?

He got up and kicked his backpack, starting to feel angry at himself for being confused.

“Hey, the bag didn’t do anything to you!” Youngjae was surprised but laughed anyway. “What has gotten into you? My fart was that strong?”

“No, it’s not that.” Jaebeom replied angrily. “Just forget it, okay?”

And like that he stormed out of the room, leaving Youngjae behind. The younger tried to understand the situation on his own but reached no conclusion.

~

Their one-week vacation was about to end. Their meetings would begin on the next day, and they had already listened to their new song and had seen the choreography that went along with it. All of them felt more confident now, as it was their second time and it was now easier to predict where they would be weaker and where they would be stronger. They didn’t have problems sharing their struggles or worries with each other now, as their bond was completely formed. Although, there would always be that something one of them could only talk about with one or two of them, but that was normal. They were seven different people, who reacted in their own ways to different situations.

Being the leader, Jaebeom was usually the one they reached out to when they needed an opinion on a certain issue, or just wanted to vent. Surprisingly, Jaebeom had recently realized that Youngjae, his roommate, had become the member that talked to him about his troubles the least. Their conversation that ended with a very confused Jaebeom and Youngjae was probably the last time Youngjae opened up to him. And he didn’t like that. He couldn’t bear the thought that Youngjae could be suffering on his own.

“Youngjae…” he blurted out that night. They were already in bed and he just hoped the other wouldn’t be asleep. He really needed to get this weight from his chest, as they would be receiving their parts in their new song tomorrow and he wanted to make sure everyone was confident and calm.

“Hum?” the younger replied, thankfully for Jaebeom.

“I was just wondering…if you are ready for tomorrow.” Jaebeom sighed. It was so much more than that that he wondered.

“I am. I already know I’m getting the shortest part so…yeah.” Youngjae laughed bitterly. Jaebeom raised an eyebrow.

“You’ve made a lot of progress these past months. They would be deaf if they didn’t give you a main part. That would just be waiting your talent at this point.” The Youngjae’s-voice-enthusiast spoke.

“Let’s hope they feel that way, too.” Youngjae exhaled. “Good night.”

“Good night.” Jaebeom shifted over to Youngjae’s side to snuggle up with him. It was very difficult for them to fall asleep apart from each other, even when the room was so hot.

 Jaebeom inhaled Youngjae’s shampoo scent. His hair and the other guys’ hair smelled exactly the same, as they only had one bottle shampoo at the moment. But, somehow, when the scent was Youngjae’s, it made him calm down and relax. Or maybe it was just Youngjae himself.

His eyelids closed on their own eventually.

~

This was the best day in Youngjae’s life so far. At last, all those vocal lessons, all those precious hours he spent practicing all those different genres, and even different languages, his efforts, it had allpaid off.

He was getting a part in the chorus.

“Congratulations, man!” Mark spoke in English, as they left the meeting room to go have lunch. One by one the members patted his shoulders and hyped him up. He was glad they were happy for him.

“What did I say? You really need to start trusting in yourself more, Youngjae.” Jaebeom circled his arm around his shoulders, squishing him gently. Youngjae giggled.

A part in the chorus, lunch, and Jaebeom right by his side. What more could he want?

~

They arrived at the restaurant and Jaebeom had to go to the bathroom, after getting an urgent call from mother nature. Leaving Youngjae behind for a few minutes, he returned to the table, only to find his roommate sitting between Jackson and Jinyoung and in front of Mark, all three members pampering him like he was the prettiest boy at school. Jaebeom’s heart shrunk. Youngjae looked so happy, in a way Jaebeom had never seemed to make him be, but also in a way he had made Jaebeom feel so many times. He sat at the end of the table, in front of Jinyoung, and Youngjae didn’t even acknowledge his existence.

Jaebeom coughed loudly, totally not trying to get Youngjae’s attention, and started looking through the menu.

“I ordered those.” Jinyoung pointed to some choice of noodles. Jaebeom didn’t really care what it was but he trusted Jinyoung’s judgement in noodles, so he asked the waitress for a serving of the same.

Their food arrived in no time. Jaebeom started slurping loudly, exclaiming how good it was and sending furtive glances to Youngjae from time to time, in case Youngjae wanted to taste the noodles. Or something like that, he didn’t really know.

“Oh, can I have a taste? Looks so yummy!” Youngjae asked in his cutest voice.

_‘Yes. Finally!’_ Jaebeom thought, staring down at his bowl and pretending to be unaffected.

“Sure! Say ‘ah!’, Youngjae.” Jinyoung replied to the younger, flying a noodle airplane to Youngjae’s mouth.

“Aah!” the younger main vocal opened his mouth wide. Jaebeom choked on his noodle soup.

“Oh, you okay? Drink some water.” Mark immediately stepped in, patting Jaebeom’s back to help him.

“T-thanks.” Jaebeom said with watery eyes. “Fuck. Be right back.” His shirt was stained with noodle soup. Just great.

He entered the bathroom again and opened the water tap, splashing his face first and then trying to remove the stain. Someone knocked on the door. Jaebeom moved to the door way too fast, hoping it would be Youngjae on the other side. He was greatly disappointed when it was one of the coordinators handing him a clean shirt after the members told her that the one he was wearing was dirty.

“Ah…thanks. I’ll change it right away.” Jaebeom took the shirt and exhaled against the door after closing it.

He was really starting to get out of control. One thing was possibly having a slight crush on Youngjae, snuggling with him at night, wanting to see him smile all the time. Another thing was being jealous of Jinyoung for making Youngjae open his mouth to feed him. What was happening to him? What was he turning into? What was Youngjae’s secret for making him feel so helpless and clumsy?

He returned to the table after changing. No one even dared to ask if he was alright, as they felt Jaebeom was probably angry and they knew how Lim Jaebeom was when he was angry.

Only Mark was brave enough to pat his back and hand him his chopsticks that Jaebeom had thrown at the table when he got up.

The meal ended, and the boys had to go back to the company to discuss hairstyles and makeup. They got into the car as one of the managers went to pay for the meal. Jaebeom was the last one to enter, as he always tried to do to make sure no one got left behind accidentally. He quickly counted their heads as he sat down, and everyone was there. He caught a glance of Youngjae being tickled by Jackson. Honestly, he didn’t even need to look, he could hear Youngjae’s annoyingly loud laugh from his seat.

“Jackson, can you fucking stop?! He’s going to pass out. Or…worse.” Jaebeom exploded. He had had enough.

Everyone was shocked. Yugyeom grabbed Bambam’s arm, looking like he had been caught stealing candy. Jinyoung and Mark stared at Jaebeom and then looked at each other, deeply confused. Jackson and Youngjae looked at Jaebeom for a second, before both started to laugh.

“His jaw!” they said at the same time, pointing at Jaebeom’s face and locking eyes with each other.

The whole van was filled it laughter then. Even Jaebeom was laughing. although he made a mental note to control his jaw movement next time, and this time he was sticking to it. He was getting tired of them always making fun of him for that.

“What the hell did you even mean by ‘or worse’? People don’t die from getting tickled” Jackson asked him, when they calmed down.

“N-nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

“Everyone! Look at what we have here! Lim Jaebeom is stuttering!” Jackson mocked the leader.

“I really let you get away with the things you say too easily, Jackson. You just wait till we get to the dorm.” Jaebeom spoke in a falsely sweet tone of voice.

Jackson coughed and kept quiet the rest of the ride. Jaebeom felt proud of the power he had in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: this fic was originally called "333def[initely you]333" but just before i posted, my best friend and i figured i should probably post it as just "Definitely You" lol


	5. Chapter 5

They arrived home late, after a whole afternoon at the hair saloon and a short schedule after that. Jackson ran off to his bedroom as soon as he took off his shoes. Jaebeom didn’t really care, he wasn’t mad at him anymore.

“Jaebeom, can you make something for me to eat?” Youngjae’s voice spoke, Jaebeom feeling his sleeve being pulled. “I’m starving…”

Jaebeom looked over at Youngjae. Even though he really wanted to and tell him to go ask Jinyoung, Mark and Jackson instead, how could he say no?

He exaggerated a sigh and moved to the kitchen, a clingy Youngjae following him.

“Alright. But you’re getting instant noodles. For being too loud today.” He felt good for punishing Youngjae with junk food instead of a decent meal.

“That’s alright, you make the best instant noodles anyway.” Youngjae shrugged.

‘ _Damn you, Choi Youngjae, damn you and your cuteness_.’ Jaebeom mentally cursed Youngjae for being so adorable.

Jaebeom served the younger his noodles in no time, making a portion for himself too. He wasn’t exactly hungry, but his mother had told him to never let a friend eat on his own, so he just had to make him company and make his mom proud of her son. Yeah, that sounded about right.

“Are you happy now?” Jaebeom asked the other as he put down his empty bowl.

“Yep. Now let’s go to bed.” Youngjae got up and started pulling Jaebeom’s sleeve again.

The older was about to follow Youngjae when Mark appeared out of nowhere, looking very snuggly in his pajamas.

“Youngjae, want to watch a movie with me? They’re playing the one we were talking about the other day in a bit and Jinyoung says he’s too tired to watch it with me.”

He was even carrying a blanket! Jaebeom was furious! What exactly were Mark’s plans? Jaebeom had to know. Especially when lately, Mark had been making an extra effort to become closer to Youngjae, and Youngjae didn’t seem to mind it at all.

“Can I join?” Jaebeom moved forward, broadening his shoulders.

“I mean…sure. But you said you hated that movie.” Mark scratched the back of his head.

“Oh…did I?” Jaebeom didn’t even remember what movie it was. He’d just said he hated it because he kinda had a jealousy attack seeing Youngjae sharing an interest with someone other than himself. But Youngjae was nodding, so he guessed he had really said it after all. “Well, if you guys like it, I guess…it’s not as bad as I made it seem.”

“Let’s go change to our pajamas quickly then.” Youngjae hurried Jaebeom. “We’ll be right back, Mark.”

“Alright!”

Ridiculous. What had he become? He was now guarding Youngjae from the other members. But he just couldn’t take any risks. They could try something with him, and…Youngjae was too innocent in his eyes. Yes. Youngjae knew nothing about the world and especially about pretty boys like Mark trying to take advantage of cute boys like him.

‘ _What the…Okay, this is serious, I’m losing my sanity. Since when has Mark taken advantage of anyone?! Jaebeom, get your shit together_.’ Jaebeom was screaming inside, as he calmly put on an old shirt and baggy pants, as he didn’t have a stupid pajama like Youngjae and Mark did.

They found Mark on the couch. The movie had just begun. Youngjae jumped to the empty seat next to Mark and covered himself with the same blanket that the eldest member was using. The couch didn’t really fit more people as the two were lying down, so Jaebeom just sat on the floor, leaning against the couch and resting his head on Youngjae’s leg. He couldn’t see and control Youngjae’s and Mark’s movements, but at least he had a squishy leg to comfort him.

The movie ended. Mark and Youngjae were glad they had stayed up to watch it, as it had totally been worth it. They got up, and as Youngjae moved his leg away, Jaebeom fell head first on the floor.

“Oh, damn!” Mark exclaimed.

Youngjae kneeled next to the leader. He held his head with his two hands and started giggling.

“He’s still sleeping.” Youngjae whispered, trying not to laugh too loudly.

“Let’s take him to bed then.” Mark replied, moving over to help Youngjae carry him. “What an idiot. Youngjae, you’re really in for something.” Mark shook his head while staring at Jaebeom.

“Ah, I’m strong!” Youngjae pulled Jaebeom up on his own, placing the still-sleeping leader’s arm around his shoulders. “Let’s go.”

Mark chuckled. He knew Youngjae was a bit innocent, but he didn’t take him for someone who was also dense. He decided to just drop the subject and help the cute main vocal carry his roommate to their bed.

“I always forget how cramped this is. Well, you take care of him now.” Mark patted Youngjae’s back before walking out.

Hearing the door close after Mark switched off the light for them, Youngjae turned over to Jaebeom. He smiled and moved Jaebeom’s hair away from his eyes with gentle fingers. He lost himself for a bit, staring at Jaebeom’s face, before the other snored loudly and mumbled something that sounded like Youngjae’s name. Youngjae lied down and hugged Jaebeom, falling asleep almost immediately.

~

Jaebeom woke up before anyone else. Or so he thought. When he looked to his side, his roommate was gone.

‘ _Maybe he just went to the bathroom._ ’ Jaebeom tried to discard the worst-case scenarios that were going through his mind. But it was still weird. Youngjae was always the last one to get up.

He finished getting ready and left the tiny room. He was making his way to the bathroom when he heard some rustling noises coming from the living room. Feeling unsure, he decided to check the source of the noise. Approaching carefully, he found Youngjae sprawled on the floor and hitting his forehead against it, papers, pens and pencils surrounding him.

“What are you doing?” Jaebeom raised an eyebrow.

“AH!” Youngjae shouted and Jaebeom ran over to him to cover his mouth.

“Shut up! Are you crazy? Everyone is still sleeping!” Jaebeom whispered loudly. “Besides, it’s just me. Not going to attack you.”

“Ah, you scared me, Jaebeom!” Youngjae flailed his arms and legs in despair. “Give me a warning or something, I didn’t hear you coming!” the younger one protested.

“What’s that you got there?” Jaebeom sat down near Youngjae. The bathroom could wait a bit.

“My exams are coming up, I need to study…” Youngjae pouted. “So, I had to wake up earlier. It was really hard for me but…I don’t want to disappoint you by having to repeat my senior year.”

“What are you studying? Maybe I can help you.” The kind leader scooted over to be closer to Youngjae.

Youngjae tried to control his laughter, and he succeeded before Jaebeom taped his head as a warning for making fun of him.

“I’m sorry, but…I think your brain has forgotten this a long time ago. History. And _Math_.” Youngjae dramatically ended his sentence.

“Alright, if you want to spend the whole day there trying to finish one question instead of accepting my help, that’s your choice. I’m going to the bathroom and going to watch TV after that…and eat junk food…yeah. Life is good when you don’t have to study and just have to wait for practice to start.” Jaebeom stretched, walking away. Until a pencil hit the back of his head.

He turned around with a smile, not even caring the slightest that Youngjae had the audacity to throw a pencil at the back of the _Great Lim Leader_ ’s head.

“Fine, fine! I’ll accept your help, but you have to let me choose the TV show we’re going to watch when I’m done.”

“Uh…I’m the one helping you, shouldn’t I get to choose? I’m doing you a favor.” Jaebeom replied.

“No, I’m doing you a favor for accepting your company.” Youngjae mocked him. How dare he, these words crossed Jaebeom’s mind, but he just wanted to pinch Youngjae’s cheeks more than smack him or something of the sort.

Jaebeom sighed and sat down again, this time making Youngjae sit up straight. Homework might be boring, but that didn’t mean Youngjae should be acting like a toddler and rolling around on the floor.

They began with History, as it was the easiest subject for them. Jaebeom found it cute how excited Youngjae was, he never thought Youngjae would be interested in History, but there he was, explaining how some monarch…did something. Yeah, he wasn’t really paying attention to what exactly Youngjae was saying. It was cute, nonetheless.

They finished it in no time after Jaebeom finally started listening to Youngjae, and realized it was actually one of his favorite parts to study when he was still in high school.

Next was Math. It was more difficult for them, but Youngjae was really trying his best to finish all the questions. With the calculator’s help and their two brains working together, Youngjae eventually finished all of his homework.

“Thank you so much. I was getting scared I wouldn’t be able to finish all of this because of our schedule…” Youngjae confessed with a sigh, as he tidied up his school supplies that were scattered around.

 “Turn on the TV. Don’t make it too loud. I’m just gonna go to the bathroom and then I’ll get some snacks for us, okay?”

“Mm.” Youngjae nodded, picking up the remote and turning on the TV.

Jaebeom returned in no time. Youngjae was watching ‘Attack on Titan’, looking very impressed by the images in front of him. The leader offered him his favorite snack, and Youngjae accepted it, his eyes still glued to the tv and his mouth partially opened.

‘ _For more mornings like this one_.’ Jaebeom threw a mini-cookie in the air and caught it with his mouth, celebrating the blissful time he was having with his roommate.

Eventually, the members started to wake up and it was time to leave. They got into the van, and Youngjae sat next to Jaebeom this time.

“Ah…I just remembered. I have a part! I’m going to sing!” Youngjae grabbed Jaebeom’s arm suddenly and rubbed his head against it, like he was a kitten.

Jaebeom smiled. Youngjae was that happy, and it made him happy, too. Mark, who was sitting near them, nudged Jinyoung, and pointed at the two of them.

“You two are officially the vocal couple now.” Jinyoung teased them.

Jaebeom coughed and moved his arm away, becoming serious instantly. What was Jinyoung doing turning against him?

“Oh, I guess we broke up. I’m the only main vocal now, then!” Youngjae took dibs on the role as main vocalist.

Jaebeom didn’t reply.

Youngjae’s smile faded away from his face. He kept quiet for the rest of the ride.

~

Practice went awfully bad. Everyone was unfocused, and Jaebeom tried his best to keep them energized and concentrated. But the choreographer had decided to begin with the hardest part, as they didn’t have a lot of time to practice and promotions would begin soon.

He called the members to form a circle, so he could give them a few words of encouragement. Youngjae was the first to arrive. Jaebeom pretended not to notice that small detail.

He told them to keep their cool, if they couldn’t do a move perfectly, he would personally help them later at the dorm, but right now they just need to finish it once, no mistakes.

“I know you can do it. This is nothing, you’ll see it when it’s over.” He finished.

They patted each other’s backs to show support, and Jaebeom ended up not doing it for Youngjae. Not on purpose. Absolutely not.

Practice went on and it seemed like Jaebeom’s pep-talk worked. They managed to finish it, no mistakes. The choreographer applauded them and told them to do it one last time before they moved on to the next part. And that’s how they practiced into the night, until their bodies were screaming for rest. At 4 A.M., the choreographer decided it had been enough. Jaebeom stayed behind to schedule their next practice and the rest of them went to the van, absolutely and utterly exhausted.

“I’m dead…” Yugyeom exhaled, resting his head on Jinyoung’s shoulder. Jinyoung would have normally shoved him away, but he didn’t have to courage to do that to the poor maknae right now. Nor courage, nor strength.

“Ugh, I don’t feel so well. Youngjae, can you pass me my mask? It’s in my bag.” Mark spoke to Youngjae, who was right behind him.

“Uh, sure.” Youngjae was too tired to look for a stupid mask right now. If Mark wanted it so much, he could just ask for the bag and search for it himself. He shuffled a few items around and leaned back in his seat. “It’s not here.” Youngjae closed his eyes.

“Youngjae, I’m tired too, we’re all tired. But I’m pretty sure I’m getting a cold and I don’t want you guys to get it from me.”

“It’s not here!” Youngjae spoke louder.

Jaebeom was entering the van at that moment. He had just sat down and closed his eyes. It felt nice to finally rest after the long day.

“Seriously, Youngjae…I’m going to punch the A/C so I don’t punch you!” And as Mark said, Mark did.

Everyone fell silent after the loud noise that woke Jaebeom up. Bambam was sitting right by Youngjae, and he quickly nudged Youngjae, mouthing ‘Give him the damn mask I don’t want to die!’. Youngjae decided that would probably be a smart idea, and quickly searched for the mask, handing it to Mark right after. They didn’t speak after that. None of them.

When they arrived at the dorm, Youngjae ran to his bedroom. Bambam and Yugyeom were going to follow him, but Jaebeom told them to just leave him alone and go get some sleep.

“And Mark, I need to talk to you. Right now.” Jaebeom’s tone was stern.

It was everyone’s cue to disappear from Mark and Jaebeom. Their arguments could get very heated very quickly, and if there was a place you wouldn’t want to be, that would be between them.

“What the fuck was that? Breaking A/C’s? Fighting with members?”

“Ah…of course, the _Great Leader_ had to come in Youngjae’s rescue once again. You weren’t even there to know what happened, you idiot!” Mark threw the mask that had begun everything to the wooden floor in one movement.

“I’m not fucking rescuing anyone, and I was there when an A/C from a rented van was broken, by none other than yourself. But tell me, what happened that was so awful, then?” Jaebeom crossed his arms, not amused.

“Ugh.” Mark exhaled and rubbed his temples. “I’m getting sick. I asked Youngjae to look in my bag for my mask, so I didn’t get my germs all over the place. Youngjae is a spoilt brat and because he was tired, he didn’t want to look for the mask, so he just searched recklessly. I got mad because…who the fuck does he think he is? I even told him, we are all tired, he isn’t the only one.” Mark sat down on the couch. Jaebeom sighed and sat next to him.

“Mark…go rest. We’ll solve this later with Youngjae, okay? Right now, you’re too hot-headed and you aren’t seeing things clearly. I’ll talk to him now, if that helps. Also…don’t talk about him like that when you know you’re going to regret it later.” Had this been a few months ago and Jaebeom would have probably blown up on Mark, but he was trying hard to change his short temper.

Mark fell silent for a moment before agreeing with Jaebeom. He got up and went to his bedroom. Jaebeom did the same.

He didn’t really want to talk to Youngjae after Jinyoung threw him under the bus with that vocal couple remark. It was fine when it came out of his own mouth, but it seemed…so different when someone else titled them that way. Still, the group came before anything else, and Youngjae was still part of the group. There was a problem that needed to be solved, and Jaebeom was responsible for that. He grasped the bedroom’s door handle and opened it.

He found Youngjae lying down, in a fetal position, trembling. He closed the door and his body reacted way faster than his brain, as he almost jumped on top of Youngjae.

“What’s wrong? Youngjae, talk to me.” He held on to the younger boy’s shoulders.

“I’m a disaster…I’m a good-for-nothing.” Youngjae mumbled.

“What are you saying, Youngjae? Don’t say that.” Jaebeom whispered, embracing Youngjae. “You heard me and Mark fight, right? Look, it’s normal. He’s fine now, he just said some things he didn’t mean, but I know he’s not mad at you. But come on Youngjae, there’s no point in getting this nervous. If he had really meant the things he said about you, you can be sure I would have punched him right in his pretty face.” Jaebeom finished, making Youngjae chuckle.

“Thanks. For always sticking by my side. Even though…I was in the wrong this time.” Youngjae bit his lip in embarrassment.

“It’s alright, he was wrong too for reacting that way. Let’s just got to sleep now, okay? You just hug it out tomorrow with him, I’m sure he’ll love you again.” Jaebeom joked.

“I hope he does.” Youngjae pouted. Jaebeom tried to suppress his jealousy once again. But it was hard to hear Youngjae wish to receive Mark’s love again.

“If he doesn’t, then…he’s very stupid.”

“If he doesn’t, then I still have you.” Youngjae giggled and Jaebeom’s heart fluttered. “And Jinyoung, and Jackson, and Bambam and Yugyeom.”

“Yes. You’ll always have me, Youngjae.” Jaebeom squeezed Youngjae. He didn’t want to let go of the other.

“Jaebeom…we should sleep now.”

“Uh? Oh, right. Sorry.” Jaebeom let go of him eventually. He turned his back to Youngjae.

Youngjae moved over to cuddle with the older boy. But Jaebeom gestured in refusal.

“Not today, Youngjae. Let’s just take a nap, we have to go record later today.”

“But…okay. Sleep well.” Youngjae turned around to face the wall. Jaebeom was a really weird person, he thought. One minute he was all over him, the next minute he was turning him down.

He ended up falling asleep pretty quickly, even though he wouldn’t want to admit it when he realized it.

Still, sleeping away from the older one always felt weird now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what a roller-coaster lol i do hope the A/C event was solved this quickly though hahaha also thanks again for the comments and kudos! it's still unbelievable to me <3  
> btw i might do a double update next time just because the next chapter is a bit short!  
> Happy Halloween!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!~~haha this greeting always reminds me of Youngjae! ^^ Well, today I have a double update! So if you have time to read both chapters i hope you enjoy them!! :)

The promotions for “A” had been great. The song had been, overall, well received, as well as the album. They had even had the opportunity to finally do the show that had been proposed to the company months ago. But it was time to move on to the next comeback.

They were working hard to make sure they’d have a good and solid comeback, and when September came, along with three of the members birthdays, the group decided to use one of their few days off, that they had received as a reward for their hard work, to celebrate the three birthdays privately.

Coincidentally, that day would be Youngjae’s birthday. For the past month, there were hushes every time Youngjae walked into a room where two or more members were. He quickly figured out they were planning a surprise birthday party for him.

And that’s exactly what happened.

Youngjae returned to the dorm from his vocal lesson that day – completely soaked as it was raining outside, and he had stupidly forgot to bring an umbrella with him. He opened the front door and, right away, Bambam and Yugyeom started jumping in front of him, as the rest of the members cracked confetti tubes. Jaebeom carried a puppy shaped cake, having apparently just lit the candles.

Youngjae had already heard about all about their plans, as they sucked at hiding things and keeping secrets from each other and had constantly been talking about the surprise party when they thought he wasn’t hearing. Still, he felt happy that they had gone through so much trouble just for his birthday.

“We know we are supposed to celebrate mine and Jinyoung’s birthday too, but it is the 17th after all, so we figured that your birthday was more important!” Mark hugged him. Their quarrel had long been forgotten, and breaking A/C’s was sort of a joke between the group now.

“I knew about everything already, but…thanks a lot, guys. It was a tough day.” Youngjae giggled.

“You knew?! Jaebeom why did you tell him?!” Bambam was adorably furious.

“You traitor! Don’t even think about telling Youngjae that I told you that I love Park Jinyoung!” Jackson exaggerated his tone of voice, clearly just looking for attention from Jinyoung, who just chuckled and hid his face on Mark’s shoulder.

“Hey, I didn’t tell him anything!” Jaebeom defended himself.

“You guys suck at telling when people are asleep or not. Next time, just don’t plan secret parties right next to the person you’re planning it for just because they closed their eyes for 2 seconds. Now, give me a slice of cake.” Youngjae demanded.

They sat down, forming a weird oval shape in the middle of the living room, as they waited for Youngjae to make a wish and blow out his candles.

“Too bad we can’t drink yet. It would have been fun.” Yugyeom sighed. Jinyoung smacked his back with strength.

“What are you talking about? You’re never going to drink alcohol in front of me!” Jinyoung had a weird way to show his affection for Yugyeom, but the youngest didn’t mind.

“Relax, since when do we need alcohol to have a good time?” Jackson argued.

“Yup. Let’s just _eat, play, talk, man_.” Youngjae was now speaking English.

They laughed with him and agreed.

Accompanied by cake, soda and coke and all kinds of snacks – that if their manager found to be in their possession, it would most likely lead them to getting a month worth of detoxing and dieting – the group had fun chattering away and playing random games, such as the old time favorite, ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’.

That was until Yugyeom suggested they should play ‘Truth or Dare’, to get the members to reveal their darkest secrets to each other, but in a fun way without having to feel like an invasion of privacy. The rules for this version were simple: if one answered ‘No’, they would get a dare; if one answered ‘Yes’, they would dare the person asking the question. And so, they began.

Being the person that suggested the game, Yugyeom questioned Jinyoung first.

“Jinyoung…do you actually love me and that’s why you’re always beating me up?” Yugyeom wiggled his eyebrows, mocking his senior.

“You…” Jinyoung snarled, seeing the trap the youngest had set for him. “Fine, fine. Yes, I love you Kim Yugyeom!” Jinyoung said in his cheesiest voice possible, leaning over Yugyeom to kiss his cheek with strength. The maknae was defeated, that being enough of a dare as far as those go. It was now Jinyoung’s turn to ask a question.

The game went by, and the questions they came up with were certainly very creative, almost like they had been wondering about them for a long time. Mark had just finished his dare of opening the window to shout: “Jackson is the true visual!”, after Jackson replied positively to his question of whether he would prefer to be sharing the room with Bambam instead of him.

“Ah, it’s my turn at last! Youngjae!” Jackson looked determined. “My question is…are you attracted to anyone sitting in this room right now?”

Youngjae was shocked, but he tried to conceal his emotions. He wanted to answer ‘Yes!’ right away, but he realized the implications that his action would have. He tried to keep his eyes away from the person he was thinking of, or they – Jackson especially – would immediately see that he was, in fact, attracted to someone and they would also know who that someone was.

“N-no.” he stuttered. _‘Damn it!_ ’

“You don’t sound too sure. Are you sure, Youngjae?” Jackson asked, one last time.

“Hah, why? You think it’s you?” Youngjae reacted.

“AH-HA! So, you are attracted to someone!” Jackson pointed a finger at him and everyone started giggling. Jaebeom was the only one who was silent.

“N-no, I’m not! I’m just saying that if I happened to be, you’d be thinking it’s yourself! The answer is no!”

“Fine, if you want a dare that much. I dare you to choose a person who you’d want to go on a date, out of us.” Jackson crossed his arms, proud of himself.

“Agh…” Youngjae wiggled his legs. What was he going to do? He would have to choose someone else, it was best to choose someone else than to choose him or he’d surely know about Youngjae’s feelings or whatever it was, and he’d probably be disgusted and…he was right.

“What the hell is this? Can you make better questions, Jackson? That’s disgusting, no one wants to go on a date with him.” Jaebeom pointed at Youngjae with aversion.

“Shut up, it’s not your turn. Youngjae, answer quickly.” Jackson said cutely.

Youngjae sighed. He thought about his options. He obviously couldn’t go with Jaebeom. Jackson would be impossible to handle if he chose him, even if he was trying very hard to get chosen. He eventually concluded Mark would be the best option, as the eldest had been very kind to him lately.

“I’ll choose Mark.” Youngjae finally replied. Jackson became serious and didn’t want to look at Youngjae anymore. Mark giggled, happy to be chosen.

“Can I at least know why?” Jackson acted sad.

“Just…because he’s cool. And good looking.” Youngjae shrugged, not lying about what he said.

“I’m cool and good looking too!”

“Can we move on? Fucking hell, Jackson, who cares who he wants to go out with?” If they didn’t know better, they would say Jaebeom was jealous.

“Fine, fine. Youngjae, go ahead. Ask a question.”

“I’m going to bed. Tired of this.” Jaebeom got up, leaving to his bedroom in a hurry.

Youngjae followed him with his eyes. Why was Jaebeom acting like this? Could he know about…no, that was impossible, he hadn’t told them who it was he had a crush on, yet. In fact, he wasn’t even sure of that himself. Did he really have a crush on Jaebeom?

 Soon, the members were calling his name, as Youngjae was completely distracted by his thoughts.

“Oh…sorry. Hum…Yugyeom!” Youngjae carried on with the game, trying to forget what had just happened.

It seemed like the members weren’t worrying too much. Probably because Jaebeom was being a bit negative for the past minutes, when they were just trying to have fun and the questions didn’t really have that much meaning or importance for him to react like that.

They talked and played into the night, until Jinyoung called it a night. It was very late, and they needed to rest. They cleaned up the living room together in no time, before each went to their respective bedroom.

Youngjae had just opened his bedroom door when Mark suddenly called his name, appearing from behind.

“Listen, I just wanted to tell you…don’t try to make sense out of him. He didn’t mean that, alright? Anyone would be more than happy to go on a date with you.” Mark finished with a smile.

Youngjae was silent for a minute. He didn’t really understand why Mark was telling him this, why did he care if Youngjae was hurt or not by the way Jaebeom reacted – he totally wasn’t. No, really. Okay, maybe a little bit. – but he was glad Mark said those words.

“Thanks.” Youngjae replied shortly.

“Now go rest, birthday boy.” Mark ruffled Youngjae’s hair before disappearing into the dark living room.

Youngjae entered his room. Jaebeom had not waited for him, so it was dark. He would have to figure out the way to his side of the bed somehow.

He crawled on the floor and decided to just go to sleep in the clothes he had on, certain that it would be impossible to change to his pajamas in the dark. He started feeling the mattress with his hands, coming to touch with Jaebeom’s leg. He moved his hand away, at the same time as Jaebeom kicked him.

“Just go to sleep already. What the fuck are you doing touching me? I’m not Mark.” Jaebeom said, clearly annoyed.

Youngjae bit his bottom lip in anger. Jaebeom was being ridiculous now, Youngjae had obviously touched him by accident. Plus, what did it matter if he was Mark or not?

 He lied down quickly, making as much noise and movement as possible, just to annoy Jaebeom a bit more.

He almost shouted from being scared when Jaebeom suddenly grabbed him by his shoulders, slamming him down and looking at him from above intensely. They exchanged a glare that seemed to last hours but that had in fact only lasted a few seconds, before Jaebeom let him go, going back to his side of the bed.

“You were making too much noise.” Jaebeom justified himself. Youngjae wasn’t convinced.

From that night on, things between them would never be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jaebeom is so fake smh...everyone has caught up to you, mister!!  
> hehe it's a double update, so if you're still here there's another chapter waiting for you ;)  
> EDIT: i deleted a few words at the beginning of this chapter because my stupid brain mistook "A" for "Stop stop it" while i was editing *hides forever*


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second part of the double update! hope you're liking the story so far  
> btw i think i should apologize/warn for the cursing, the boys curse a lot in this story but they curse irl too so i figured it would be okay

Jaebeom woke up first. Like always, the first thing he did was look at Youngjae, who was still peacefully sleeping. He felt an urge to hold Youngjae, hold him, tell him everything was okay, and he was never going to let go.

But he didn’t.

Instead, he just began waking up Youngjae, the same way he had always done. They didn’t speak to each other after that.

Jaebeom eventually left the room to go take a shower and Youngjae joined the others in the living room, where his breakfast was awaiting him. Mark had prepared it on his own today, as Jinyoung had been washing the dishes from last night.

“Is this enough?” Mark asked Youngjae, showing him the portion that he had prepared. Youngjae nodded and Mark placed the bowl in front of him, sitting down to watch him eat.

“So, how is he?” Mark said, resting his chin on his hand.

“Jaebeom? I don’t know. He’s fine I suppose.” Youngjae shrugged.

“Hum…alright. Youngjae, don’t let him get too far. He might feel like he shouldn’t know the way back anymore.”

Mark patted Youngjae’s back supportively, before going to join Jackson, Bambam and Yugyeom in the couch as they were playing some new playstation game.

Youngjae was confused. Mark was speaking in riddles now, Jaebeom was mad at him for answering a stupid question from a silly game and-

“OH MY GOD!” Youngjae shouted loudly. “MARK! THIS HAS CUCUMBERS IN IT!”

Youngjae ran away from the plate like the food was trying to attack him. Jinyoung came running, with his rubber gloves still on.

“Mark, are you trying to kill him? You know he can’t eat cucumber.”

“Sorry, I forgot! I’ll take them out!”

“No, I want a new serving! That one is infected!” Youngjae was still shouting.

“Youngjae, don’t be silly, we’re not throwing that away just because it has a few cucumbers.” Jinyoung tried to reason with him.

Jaebeom appeared at that moment, straight out of the shower. He picked up Youngjae’s untouched bowl and carried it to their bedroom, not saying a word.

“Well…I guess you’re getting a new serving after all.” Mark shrugged.

Youngjae was pissed. Just what was Jaebeom trying to do? Was he crazy? One minute he was throwing a tantrum at him, the next he was coolly taking his cucumber infected food away from him.

Youngjae had never been very confrontational anyway, so he decided to just take a deep breath and let it go. He started eating again, and Mark stood by his side, tapping the top of his head a few times and feeling bad for forgetting Youngjae couldn’t have any cucumbers. Even though, that was better than what Jaebeom was doing to him, he thought.

Jaebeom eventually resurfaced from the bedroom, now fully dressed and carrying an empty bowl with him. Jinyoung saw it and immediately shouted at him to wash the damn bowl because he wasn’t going to spend not even another five seconds doing their dishes. Jaebeom complied. As he went back to the bedroom, he noticed Youngjae lying between Mark’s legs, his head resting on the other’s chest as Youngjae showed the eldest some stupid game of his on his computer. He wanted to make some silly remark, just to provoke Youngjae, but his eyes met Jinyoung’s and _shit_ Jinyoung knew, Jinyoung had always been able to read his mind and Jinyoung knew what he was thinking seeing Youngjae with Mark.

He quickly escaped to his bedroom, but Jinyoung wasn’t letting him go like that. So, he followed Jaebeom.

“Lim Jaebeom.” Jinyoung had that tone of voice of someone who was about to scold their friend and would definitely be in the right. “What do you think you’re doing?” he closed the bedroom door, to give them some privacy. Jinyoung was going to scold him, but he wasn’t about to do it in front of everyone. Jaebeom could consider himself lucky for that.

“I’m…in my bedroom? Doing nothing?” Jaebeom tried to act smart.

“I never thought I’d get to live to see this day.” Jinyoung chuckled. “You’re struggling for control. But it’s not over us or the group’s activities. It’s over yourself. And Youngjae is the one that took that control away. Right?”

“You don’t know anything about this.” Jaebeom murmured.

“Are you trying to convince yourself of that?” Jinyoung raised his eyebrows. “Come on, it’s obvious. You like him. You’re always standing up for him. You guys even cuddle together to sleep. It’s pretty obvious that you are in-“

“It’s not that simple, okay?!” Jaebeom interrupted, perturbed. He really hated Jinyoung right now, for doing this to him. He already felt like shit for being like this, but Jinyoung just had to go and keep pushing the wrong buttons deeper and deeper.

“Then let it be simple! Youngjae doesn’t deserve to be played like this, you don’t deserve to be like this. Just…let it be. Give him a chance. Give yourself a chance to lose control, even if it’s for a second.”

“I…I can’t. I can’t do that to you guys.” Jaebeom was sitting, arms around his knees and his head hanging low. He tried hard to fight back the lump forming on the back of his throat, that warned him that he was going to start crying any minute now. “It wouldn’t be fair.”

“What if it was one of us? You’d just want us to be miserable, constantly fighting behind cameras, and then constantly trying to be near each other? You think I and…look, just stop being stupid, for once. You’re worried about the group, but do you think we’re better off like this? You’re a mess, Jaebeom.”

“Shut up.” Jaebeom threw his water bottle to the other end of the bedroom.

“Look! There you go! Ugh…” Jinyoung sighed, rubbing his temples. “You know, I’d never understood what was so different about you until Mark gave me a hint and I started paying more attention.”

Jaebeom wanted to get out of the bedroom and go punch Mark just from the mention of his name. First, he had almost hit Youngjae, and now he was in the living room cuddling with Youngjae, his Youngjae, while apparently knowing how he felt towards the younger. What the hell was that?

“So, Mark gave you a hint? Why, so you’d keep an eye on me while he tries to get Youngjae in his bed?” Jaebeom scowled.

“Fuck you.” Jinyoung replied, clearly hurt by Jaebeom’s words, although the latter didn’t understand why. Still, Jaebeom knew he was right for being upset. “I give up. You keep being miserable, and I’ll go tell Mark there’s nothing to worry about and he can…what _, take Youngjae’s precious virginity_? Is that what you want me to say and what you’re worried about? I’m not doing this. And I’m not putting Mark through your bullshit.”

“Stop talking about that-“ Jaebeom raised his voice but he was silenced by an enraged Jinyoung, who was grabbing Jaebeom by his collar.

“Don’t fucking dare to call him by anything else other than his name. And this is something you should learn. Next time, defend the person you love when they actually need it, not just when your stupid leader role is on the line.” Jinyoung let Jaebeom go and stormed out of the bedroom, and out of the dorm, to be more exact.

Jaebeom noticed Mark passing by his bedroom after a few minutes, in a rush. He was going after Jinyoung.

~

It was time for dinner, but considering the fact neither Mark nor Jinyoung had returned yet, Jaebeom decided he should get to work himself.

He kept thinking about what Jinyoung had told him before he left as he began preparing dinner. He knew Jinyoung was right. He knew.

He knew, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Before anything else, even before himself, he was JB, GOT7’s leader. And that’s just something he would have to come to terms with. Youngjae would have to move on if he happened to have any feelings for him.

It was ironic. How Jaebeom was just thinking about him, and now, out of nowhere, there he was, silently helping him making dinner. Youngjae was really one of a kind.

‘ _Fuck. I really am in love with him.’_

_~_

“Yes! I leveled up!” Youngjae celebrated, wriggling his body against Mark, who was giggling happily from Youngjae’s victory.

“So, you can do more attacks now?”

“Yup, and I can buy more weapons, and more powerful ones! Let’s go find a store so I can show you.” Youngjae said, before getting scared as Jaebeom opened the bedroom door.

Jaebeom disappeared to the kitchen, and Youngjae overheard Jinyoung shouting something related to the dishes to him. He wasn’t really listening, as he was focused on his game. Mark had never shown much interest in the games he played, so he was very happy to have a bit of attention from him to really care about anything else. Still, he couldn’t help noticing Jaebeom’s gaze towards him and Mark as he returned to the bedroom. He felt how his and Mark’s closeness was affecting the leader and somehow, he liked it. He adjusted himself, sliding slightly downwards so his head would be resting on Mark’s chest, just to provoke the other a bit more. Not that Jaebeom didn’t deserve it anyway.

That’s when something happened between Jaebeom and Jinyoung, and the latter ended up following the leader to the bedroom, as Jaebeom escaped in a hurry. At that moment Youngjae felt certain that his teasing hadn’t had any effect on the other. Who was he kidding? How could he ever come between Jaebeom’s and Jinyoung’s friendship, or whatever it was. How could he even think of comparing himself to Park Jinyoung. It was pointless. Jinyoung was Jinyoung. He was just…Youngjae.

Mark felt Youngjae tensing up. He didn’t say anything at first, as he noticed how Youngjae was trying hard to focus on the game and on him. So, he just let Youngjae be.

_“It’s not that simple, okay?!”_

_“Then let it be simple!”_

Jaebeom’s and Jinyoung’s voice could be heard from the bedroom. They were fighting. Youngjae froze and his character ended up being killed in a game battle.

“Youngjae? Youngjae, the game.” Mark poked his sides, trying to get Youngjae’s attention.

“Uh, what? Oh, oh damn it…” Youngjae sighed, looking at the letters on the screen that spelt ‘Your journey ends here.’

“Youngjae…” Mark exhaled, resting his chin on top of Youngjae’s head. “You know, Jinyoung is…someone I trust. A lot. You know what I mean, don’t you?”

Youngjae’s eyes opened wide. Could Mark be saying what he was thinking? He and Jinyoung…?

“Don’t lose hope, okay? Wait for him just a little longer. He’s just trying to get his thoughts right. Just like you.” Mark embraced Youngjae, who was close to tears by now.

That was when the door hit the wall as Jinyoung opened it with strength. Jinyoung was clearly perturbed, he was enraged even. Youngjae had never seen him like that.

“Fuck. Youngjae, let’s play the game again later, okay? I have to go.” Mark lifted himself and Youngjae up, as Jinyoung prepared to almost kick the front door open.

“I understand.” Youngjae smiled with sadness. Mark nodded and chased after Jinyoung.

Youngjae stood still. Everything that was happening was his fault. He should have never appeared in front of any of them. He should have never allowed his feelings to grow into something that had become uncontrollable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gasps* Jaebeom what are you doing to Youngjae and Jinyoung...  
> well that was all for now! i'll see you soon ;)


	8. Chapter 8

Youngjae started cutting up the onions without much technique, as Jaebeom prepared a chicken to make a stew.

“That’s enough.” Jaebeom stopped him, as Youngjae picked up his fifth onion.

“Oh, okay. Here you go” Youngjae offered him a bowl full of pieces of onion.

“You can use the stove, right?” Jaebeom asked and Youngjae nodded. “Then cook those till they become transparent.”

They were just making a stew, it wasn’t much. But Jaebeom had never felt so comfortable around someone. After his argument with Jinyoung, cooking with Youngjae was just what he needed. Still, he couldn’t forget that Youngjae apparently had something going on with someone else. That someone being Mark.

“So…why Mark?” his mouth blurted without him wanting to. He felt like throwing himself out of their tiny kitchen window.

“What? What do you mean?” Youngjae was confused.

“Why not someone else? Hum, I mean. I’m happy for you and him, though. You guys…look…great together, I suppose. But, you know, I wouldn’t know how that works. Like, a guy with a guy. Since I’m not into guys. And all of that.” Jaebeom rambled.

“Hum…o…okay.” Youngjae kept his eyes glued to the onions. If Jaebeom noticed the tears in his eyes, he could just blame the onions instead of the words he was saying.

“What?”

 “Nothing, But…thanks for your support. Or whatever that was supposed to be. Can I finish cooking the onions or do you have any more stupid and hurtful things to say?” Youngjae’s knuckles were white, as he held on tightly to the spatula he was using.

Jaebeom cleared his throat, a sound that sounded like a “Sorry” coming out.

Youngjae wanted to be angry at Jaebeom for being so blunt, so dense, so difficult. But he couldn’t. He was certain that deep down, Jaebeom didn’t mean to hurt him. Still, it was painful to listen to the person he loved saying that he looked good with someone else and declaring that they were against it at the same time, basically. And why? Why did Jaebeom have to be like this? What did he want from Youngjae?

They had a chicken to serve to the 3 hungry guys that were still at the dorm eventually. Jinyoung and Mark hadn’t return yet, and they absence was noted by the others, who had no clue of what had happened as they had been inside Bambam’s and Yugyeom’s room doing whatever it was Bambam, Yugyeom and Jackson did when they were together.

“But are they coming back today?” Bambam asked, slightly worried, as Youngjae and Jaebeom wouldn’t tell them what had happened.

“I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not. Don’t worry, okay? They are together, they are of age, they’ll be fine.” Jaebeom shrugged.

“What did you do? This was your fault, right? Cause if it wasn’t, you’d have left the dorm to go look for them and bring them home.” Jackson spoke, in a serious tone of voice.

“They…probably just want to be alone. Just…the two of them.” Youngjae wasn’t sure why he was trying to defend Jaebeom, as Jackson was actually very right.

“Oh, okay.” Jackson replied normally, before Youngjae’s words sunk in. “Oh! You mean…like a couple? My Jinyoung and my Mark?! I will not accept this!” Jackson didn’t seem as upset now, but he was starting to wonder if there was actually some truth in his words.

“You are such a playboy!” Yugyeom teased his senior. Bambam crossed his arms and agreed.

The three began fighting, all in a playful way, of course. Either way, Jackson knew he could never come between what Jinyoung and Mark had. He didn’t want to, or needed to, anyway.

“Youngjae…is it true, though?” Jaebeom whispered to his roommate. Youngjae paused for a while before answering, as it wasn’t his relationship to reveal. But he didn’t notice any malice in Jaebeom’s tone and he knew Jaebeom could never be mad at Jinyoung and Mark for something like this.

“I don’t know.” Youngjae simply said. Even if Jaebeom didn’t seem upset, it wouldn’t be fair for Jinyoung and Mark. If they hadn’t told the others yet, they must have had their reasons.

~

Since Youngjae and Jaebeom had cooked, Jackson and Bambam were now doing the dishes and Yugyeom was cleaning the kitchen. Youngjae decided to go take a shower. Jaebeom followed him to the bathroom, claiming he needed to use the toilet. Seven men were living in that dorm, so pooping with someone else in the bathroom wasn’t any scandal for them anymore.

Youngjae got in the shower as Jaebeom flushed the toilet.

“Wash your hands quickly!” Youngjae protested. “I want to shower today!”

Jaebeom washed his hands in no time. He could leave the bathroom now. He could, but he didn’t. He heard Youngjae turning on the hot water to begin washing himself as he stalled some time going through their medicine cabinet. He threw away some stuff that was way past its shelf life. The cabinet became cleaner, but it was still a mess, so he began organizing it.

“Can you leave? I’m trying…to shower in peace.” Jaebeom heard Youngjae’s voice from behind the shower curtain. His voice sounded weird, but Jaebeom couldn’t really tell what was weird about it.

“Do you want to take the wrong medicine next time you’re sick? This cabinet is a complete mess, what if I’m not here to tell you what the right medicine for you is?” Jaebeom argued, and Youngjae grunted.

Jaebeom kept shuffling the small packages around until he felt content with the cabinet’s new layout.

“Seriously, Jaebeom. You need-ugh…you need to leave.”

Jaebeom’s brain rang the _Youngjae’s in danger_ alarm at the sound of his voice. Youngjae didn’t sound okay, he needed help, obviously. Jaebeom grabbed the shower curtain and opened quickly.

“Are you okay-oh, fuck! Sorry!” Jaebeom let go of the curtain as fast as he held on to it. But the image of Youngjae leaning against the shower’s wall, fighting against a very obvious hard, was stuck on his mind.

“Go away…please.” Youngjae pleaded, with the last ounce of strength he had.

Jaebeom stood still for a moment, before he replied. “Wait.”

He felt that Youngjae needed his help, and that’s what he was going to do. Help him. Discarding his clothes to the floor in a rush, he joined Youngjae inside the shower.

“Uh w-what are you doing?” Youngjae somehow took a step back, even though there was virtually no more space inside the shower cabin.

“Shh. They are in the kitchen, so they can probably hear us if they want to. I want to help you. With…your problem.” Jaebeom explained himself, in a whisper.

“W-why?” Youngjae was confused, but not completely rejecting the offer.

“Because I...want you to be comfortable. I want you to be happy, Youngjae. You already know that I trust you, right?” Jaebeom leaned over Youngjae, now whispering to his ear. Youngjae nodded strongly. “Do you trust your leader, too?” he asked, his hands slipping out of his control and moving to Youngjae’s hips.

“I do. Always.” Youngjae’s voice was almost inaudible.

Jaebeom’s grip became firmer, as he began to draw small circles on Youngjae’s hips with his thumbs. He’d always wonder if Youngjae’s skin would be as soft as it seemed to be through his pajamas’ fabric. The thought had crossed his mind many times before during their cuddling sessions, and now he was finally getting an answer. And the answer was, yes, but much softer than he had imagined.

The water was hitting the top of their heads, steam filling up the room. Jaebeom noticed Youngjae had shut his eyes with strength. He moved a hand upwards, to caress Youngjae’s cheek.

“What’s wrong?”

“Jaebeom…are you sure about this? I mean…I’m not even handsome or have a good body.” Youngjae’s eyes were avoiding Jaebeom’s, the older noticing some sadness in Youngjae’s tone of voice.

“I’m not doing this because you’re handsome or have a good body. I’m doing this because…” _I want you more than I’ve wanted anyone else in my life._ The words crossed his mind. “Because I haven’t been good to you…ah, what am I saying. Youngjae, just trust me, okay? This doesn’t have to mean anything. Just…two friends that trust each other, having fun. It’s not the first time we see each other like this.”

Youngjae gulped. “Fine…fine. Hurry up then, I’m already embarrassed as it is.”

Jaebeom pushed Youngjae against the slippery wall, spreading the younger’s legs apart with his knee. He left it there for a moment, trying to tease Youngjae.

“Quickly! I‘m dying-“ Youngjae started shouting and Jaebeom covered his mouth.

“Quiet! Are you crazy, they’ll hear us!” he whispered.

Youngjae looked to the side, blushing. Jaebeom decided it was enough and soon started what he had set himself to do, using his hand covered in all-natural liquid soap that they all used to wash themselves, on Youngjae. He eventually needed some attention too, but he didn’t even need to say anything. Youngjae had figured it out on his own and was aiding his leader the same way his leader was aiding him. It was short and intense, but they couldn’t take a long time, or they would start raising suspicions. They came almost at the same time, Youngjae having to dig his fingers on Jaebeom’s shoulder and trying to prevent himself from moaning too loud.

Their bodies were shaking, they were out of breath, and they had to support themselves on the wall and on each other to prevent their knees from giving in. Jaebeom ran a thumb over Youngjae’s bottom lip, but the younger moved his head away.

“Youngjae?” he called him once, but Youngjae didn’t reply. “Youngjae…look at me. Did…did I do something wrong? Are you regretting this?” Jaebeom felt weak, he was afraid of Youngjae’s answer.

“No, it’s…it’s nothing. You’re the one who is probably regretting. But it’s fine. Thanks for helping me. I don’t think it will be necessary again, though.” Youngjae rested his head against the wall.

“Youngjae, I…” Jaebeom wanted to say something, but instead, his body started leaning over to Youngjae. Their lips were about to touch, when Youngjae interrupted him.

“Let’s just finish showering quickly so we can go join them.”

Jaebeom stood still before taking a step back. It shattered him how it had to be that way, when he just wanted close what had just happened with a kiss, a kiss that would become a faint memory as soon as they stepped out of that shower. But he complied with what Youngjae had demanded.

The others seemed indifferent to them when Youngjae and Jaebeom joined them in the living room, where they were watching some old sappy drama that was re-running.

“Oh, that’s a smart way to save time and water! You guys took a shower together, right?” Jackson asked enthusiastically, seeing that both Youngjae’s and Jaebeom’s hairs were wet. “Bambam, we should try that one day.”

“Yah, you pervert. Don’t even dare of touching Bambam.” Jaebeom threatened.

“Ew, stop that. People can take showers together without doing…those things. Bambam and I take showers together all the time!” Yugyeom said proudly.

“Can we stop talking about how and with who I take showers?!” Bambam protested.

They closed their mouths. Until the acting in the drama became too cringey and Youngjae started laughing in his typical laugh. Jaebeom smiled, staring down at Youngjae as the younger was sitting on the floor, while he sat next to Jackson in the couch.

Youngjae was smiling again. And that made him happy.

~

The front door suddenly opened. It was Mark and Jinyoung. Mark appeared in front of them first, Jinyoung following him and hiding behind his back.

“We’re back. Sorry if we made you guys worry.” Mark apologized in behalf of both.

All of them except Jaebeom jumped to hug them.

“You could have at least texted!”

“Don’t do this every again!” they protested.

“Jaebeom, I think you and Jinyoung need to talk.” Mark added, looking at the leader straight in the eyes.

“No need to say much.” Jaebeom got up. “Sorry, Jinyoung. You know how I feel. And you know I can’t stay mad at you for long.”

Jinyoung seemed to ponder on Jaebeom’s words for a moment, before he opened his arms wide to hug his long-time friend.

“You really need to start being more honest with yourself and those around you. That’s all I have to say. And sorry too, for just walking away. Let’s act like adults next time.” Jinyoung spoke.

“Next time?” Yugyeom raised an eyebrow and Jinyoung lifted his hand in the air to threaten him.

“Yugyeom, I swear to-”  

They started laughing, Youngjae being the loudest. Everything was clearly back to normal.

At least, almost all of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i dont really know how i feel about this one...  
> i'll see myself out T_T


	9. Chapter 9

After successfully finishing their first concert tour in Japan, the boys had begun promotions for their comeback, that involved the weirdest sci-fi concept ever – one where boys wore crop tops over overalls as a school uniform. They were performing on shows and festivals and were enjoying decent recognition and acceptance from the public.

Youngjae had always liked to scroll through netizens comments, to see if the online response to his group was good too. Most of the time, the comments on articles and videos about them came from fans, who had nothing but compliments to give them, of course. Other times, the comments would be from people that had just found them and liked their style.

But that was when he found a very long comment about himself. In the comment, the person exposed their problems regarding his voice. How even JYP didn’t seem to trust in him as the main vocal, as he was probably very weak and his voice and image was not fit for the group. How his tone would never please them, as it was unconventional, and not in a way that would make him stand out. How they didn’t even know how he’d get there in the first place, but they were certain he had bought his way in.

The list went on. Youngjae was perplexed. In a sea of good comments, this one comment was completely shattering his confidence in his abilities. Mostly, because they reflected some of his worries. Buying his way in was certainly not one of them, Youngjae had always worked very hard for everything he had. But he did worry often how weak he was compared to others, a worry that he tried to compensate with hours of vocal lessons, aside from hours of dance practice every day. He had even pleaded to his vocal teacher to give him a few lessons above the level she considered him to be, just so that he could improve faster. She didn’t find it to be a good idea, but he promised to work hard and be careful with the way he treated his throat.

Still, none of that was enough. He just would never be pleased with himself. Just as people would never be pleased.

He was alone in the piano room at that moment. Before he knew, he was crying.

~

After calming down, he stepped out to go get something warm to drink. He reached the drinks station, where the staff had just left three coffee carriers. He took one cup, and as he left the room, he bumped into Jaebeom.

They awkwardly gave way too each other, their feet moving at the same time. Youngjae managed to slip by Jaebeom and out of the room.

“Sorry.” They spoke simultaneously before going on their own way.

Jaebeom and Youngjae hadn’t been very close ever since the shower event. They hadn’t even been talking much too each other and Youngjae had even been trying to avoid the other, even though they were promoting together and sleeping in the same room as always.

It was painful to Youngjae, but he felt that maybe it was for the best. Maybe Jaebeom had even found someone in the meantime. Not that he would know. Or wanted to. What did it even matter to him, anyway?

“Hey, Youngjae.” Jaebeom’s voice spoke from behind. Youngjae turned around. “Want to drink together?” Jaebeom held up his cup of coffee with a smile.

Youngjae felt warm. He wasn’t sure if it was from the sip he’d just taken, or if it was from seeing Jaebeom’s smile. “Hum…sure. Why not?”

They decided to head to the deck at the top of JYPE’s building. It was cold, but the view was great.

“Practicing?” Jaebeom asked him, after taking a sip of his coffee.

“Hm.” Youngjae nodded. “You too?” Youngjae asked back.

“Yup, just working on a few steps with Yugyeom. You should join us when you’re done. I know it can get lonely in that piano room.” Jaebeom chuckled, and so did Youngjae.

“It’s fine. I need to work hard, anyway. At least I won’t drag anyone with me if I’m alone there.”

“Youngjae…what happened? I know you were crying. Your nose is all red and puffy.” Jaebeom said sternly, and Youngjae immediately covered his nose.

“It’s from the cold.” Youngjae excused himself.

“It’s not cold inside and you were like this before.” Jaebeom pulled Youngjae’s hand away from his face.

Youngjae sighed. He really hated talking about his feelings to other people, especially when it was about negative ones. He hated feeling like a burden. But…Jaebeom was GOT7’s leader. And he was someone he could trust with his life. Especially with things like this.

“Found a negative comment. About my voice. And a few other things that I’m used to already, anyway. It’s just…I’m trying so hard and I can’t even please other people, how am I supposed to please myself?” he asked, hoping Jaebeom would have the answer to all of his problems.

“I don’t know.” Jaebeom replied and Youngjae was disappointed. “I guess…don’t try so hard to try to please those people specifically, like I told you before. Maybe that would be a start.”

“But what do you mean by that? This is my profession, if there are people that are disappointed then I’m not doing my job right.”

“You’re also doing a job where some people just simply can’t be pleased, Youngjae. You are so talented, so many people love you, you are a great person with a great personality, you make us so happy, Youngjae. What more could you want?”

“I know, I know that. But…I’m not happy, Jaebeom. I try to look happy for you guys, and for the fans. But I’m not happy.” Youngjae had started crying again.

Jaebeom quickly put his cup down on the floor to hug Youngjae tightly.

“It’s okay, Youngjae. Let it all out.” He whispered, caressing Youngjae’s hair.

Jaebeom stood by his side until Youngjae stopped crying. It must have taken him a while, but he felt so much better after letting his worries out.

“I’m sorry. Yugyeom is probably waiting for you and I’m here making you waste your time with my stupid insecurities. Seems like every time we come up here it’s to cry because of my voice.” Youngjae apologized.

“If he needed me, he would have found me by now, no?” Jaebeom sighed before continuing. “Youngjae, I just truly hope that one day you won’t be so hard on yourself. And you don’t need to apologize to me or anyone for anything. I’m the one who should be sorry for lacking so much as a leader, and as a friend, that this whole time you felt like you couldn’t share those thoughts with me.”

“No! it’s not like that, it’s-“

“It’s alright. I’ll try to do better. No. We’ll both try to do better, hum?” Jaebeom smiled, his hand massaging Youngjae’s shoulder.

“Yes.” Youngjae lowered his head.

Jaebeom immediately moved his hand over to Youngjae’s chin, lifting his head. “And stop looking away from me. We have to be in each other’s sight all the time.” He said, before joining their foreheads and softly pinching Youngjae’s chin, something that he had always loved doing.

Youngjae nodded. He felt so safe. So…loved. He would never take his eyes away from Jaebeom, never again.

~

That night, Youngjae had a hard time falling asleep. Now that he and Jaebeom were talking again, the memories from the shower day kept repeating on his mind. He had gone to bed first, but he decided to wait up for Jaebeom, as he needed to get some things out of his chest.

Jaebeom eventually appeared, dropping his tired body to the mattress, next to Youngjae. He took off his clothes and got ready to fall asleep with a long sigh. Youngjae had to act fast.

“Jaebeom-“

“Ah! Youngjae, you scared me!” The oldest laughed. “Thought you were sleeping. What’s wrong?” Jaebeom turned to face Youngjae.

“Hum…do you still…remember what happened in the shower?”

Jaebeom raised his eyebrows. So that was what Youngjae was thinking about.

“I…yes. Of course, I do.” Jaebeom nodded. “And no, I still don’t regret it, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

Youngjae chuckled. “Nice to know, but it wasn’t that. I just wanted to tell you that…that it was…”

“Yes?” Jaebeom said, suddenly taking a hold of Youngjae’s hands. Youngjae became flustered, more than he already was.

“I had never done something like that. With another person. Not that…intimate at least. That’s all. Good night.” Youngjae let go of the older’s hand and turned around quickly.

Jaebeom scooted closer and hugged Youngjae. “Was I a good first experience, then?” he said, before nuzzling Youngjae’s neck.

“I…I don’t have anything to compare it with. So…I guess.” Youngjae stared into the wall.

“Next time, just don’t grab my shoulders so hard. Left a mark.” Jaebeom was falling asleep.

“Oh, hum… what? Ne-next time? Oh, I-I hadn’t thought about a next time-I mean, not that I, it’s just that…what I mean is…” Youngjae was stuttering and couldn’t make sense of anything. But his mind became clear when he heard Jaebeom snoring. The other had fallen asleep.

~

Jaebeom woke up. He immediately propped himself up using his arms, to get a better view of Youngjae’s sleeping face. This was Jaebeom’s secret. He knew it was sort of creepy, but who could resist watching Youngjae sleeping so peacefully? Besides, he had to watch Youngjae sleep anyway, as the other took a long time to wake up.

However, staring at the other felt different today. There was something about Youngjae’s closed eyes, slightly parted and glistening lips and slow-paced breathing that just made his heart melt. Their room was so crappy and dark, but Youngjae made everything seem much better with how perfect he was.

Youngjae turned around and was now facing Jaebeom. He wasn’t sleeping aymore, as his eyes were opening slowly. Jaebeom noticed that he didn’t seem shocked to have caught him staring, but instead he was slightly smiling. Suddenly, Youngjae spoke, almost whispering.

“Kiss…kiss me.”

Jaebeom didn’t resist, his body was moving faster than his rationality and before he knew it, he was kissing Youngjae. He was kissing Youngjae.

He shut his eyes with strength, it had never hurt so much to kiss someone. It hurt even more when he suddenly felt a weak pressure against his lips.

Opening his own, he saw that Youngjae’s eyes were so gently closed, and he was surely kissing Jaebeom back. He closed his own eyes again, and placed his hands on Youngjae’s neck, to deepen the kiss. Their tongues even came to touch at one point, but Youngjae abruptly pulled back.

“We should…stop. We should get up.” Youngjae wiped his mouth with his sleeve.

Jaebeom lied back down with a sigh. It was pointless. Youngjae would never be at his reach. He was so close, but he was always so far away.

“Are you fucking joking? You ask me to kiss you and now you want to stop? What about me? You think I don’t want to stop? Do you think this is easy for me? I have never been so scared, Youngjae. I have never felt like this about anyone else until you appeared and got close to me. But of course, _now_ you don’t want anything. Listen, if you just like to play with other guys’ feelings, go find someone else, Youngjae, and leave me alone.”

“W-what?” Youngjae turned around.

“Nothing. Nothing, Youngjae. Sorry, just…forget this.” Jaebeom sighed, angrier at himself than at Youngjae.

Youngjae bit his lip, trying to hold back his tears. “Agreed.”

He’d been crying way too much lately. He wasn’t going to cry because of stupid Jaebeom. No way. If that’s what Jaebeom wanted to do, to forget it, then that’s what he’d do.

But Jaebeom could be sure he wasn’t going to do it without putting up a fight first.

 

Youngjae got up and put on the clothes the other members had said to look the best on him. He then combed his hair and put some peach chapstick he had lying around to give his lips some color.

He stepped out of the room on his own and went to Jinyoung, who was reading a book on the couch.

“Oh, good morning, Youngjae. You’re looking good. Sorry, no breakfast today because I’m not a maid.” Jinyoung said before focusing back on his book.

‘ _Damn it. Need to be more adorable!’_ Youngjae thought.

“ _Jinyoungie_ , Youngjae is _hungry_.” Youngjae went to snuggle against Jinyoung.

“Why don’t you go ask Jaebeom to feed you?”

“He’s being mean to me today…I like your food better, too.” Youngjae giggled.

Jaebeom stepped out of the room at that moment. This was Youngjae’s opportunity.

“Jinyoungie if you don’t make me food, I’m going to _bite yo_ u.” Jinyoung was squeezing the adorable out of him, but Youngjae wasn’t going to give up.

“Oh, look. Jaebeom, please feed your roommate. He’s losing his mind.”

“Youngjae, I’ll make you food. Come here.” It was Mark, who had also just come out of his bedroom.

‘ _Perfect!_ ’ Youngjae thought.

Youngjae watched Mark make breakfast for as many people as possible, linking arms with him and saying cute things to make Mark laugh. It was working, Mark was even pinching his cheeks.

As they went to the living room, after Mark finished making food for them, Youngjae sat down to start eating. Jaebeom was pacing around, looking for something to do.

“Made food for everyone. Go get a serving, guys.” Mark told Jinyoung and Jaebeom.

“It’s really yummy. Mark, you are my favorite now!”

“Is he sick?” Jinyoung suddenly placed his palm on Youngjae’s forehead. “Youngjae, we know you’re cute but you’re really weird today, you know that? Look, he even has lipstick on!”

Youngjae shifted his eyes and wiped his mouth with his sleeve to remove the traces of the chapstick. Maybe that had been a bit too much.

“I…I’m training. For the fans, you know?” Youngjae tried to excuse himself.

“Oh…then go on.” Jinyoung shrugged and went to get his food.

Youngjae glanced over to Jaebeom. The other was doing some sort of stretch exercise, but he was facing him and Mark.

“Mark, can you make food for me always? You are the best cook out of everyone!” Youngjae shouted, clinging onto Mark.

“Hey! I thought I was your favorite personal chef!” Jinyoung reappeared, walking quickly to Youngjae to poke his sides.

At that moment, the rest of the guys appeared. Jackson noticed that Mark and Jinyoung were tickling Youngjae, so he had to join too. Chances like this were what kept Jackson going in life. Getting to touch one of the members? That was all he wanted.

Youngjae was giggling away as the three kept tickling him, when Jaebeom suddenly cleared his throat loudly.

They halted their movements, scared they were going to get scolded.  But no, they just found Jaebeom doing push-ups very quickly.

“WOAH!” Jackson shouted, going over to Jaebeom’s side and ignoring Youngjae.

“Oh! Go, Jaebeom!” Bambam cheered the leader on.

Youngjae tried to hide his contentment. His plan was working. He knew Jaebeom, the other was clearly jealous of the attention he was getting.

“I think Mark is faster and can do more.” He added confidently, after Jaebeom fell down, exhausted.

The others, apart from Jaebeom, began encouraging Mark, who rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment, but eventually gave in.

Youngjae felt like destiny was on his side for once. His guess was right. And now not only he’d provoked Jaebeom by asking Mark to do what he was doing, Jaebeom had just lost against Mark.

“I’m going to go practice. You guys need to practice too. And this is not advice.” Jaebeom sternly said.

And so, to practice they went. Youngjae made sure to stand near the older members, playing with them when he had the chance.

By their last round of the choreography, Youngjae could see Jaebeom was beyond furious at him.

‘ _This is being easier than I thought’_

They got into the van to head back to the dorm. It was late, everyone was exhausted, Jaebeom was still grumpy.

“Mark…can I sleep in your bed? Jaebeom is mad at me…”

“Sorry, Youngjae.” Mark closed the gap between him and Youngjae to whisper in his hear. “I don’t think Jinyoung would like that very much.” He moved back and winked at Youngjae, who mouthed ‘Sorry’.

“Well…guess I just have to sleep with meanie Jaebeom.” Youngjae shrugged.

“You can sleep with me, Youngjae.” Jackson offered with a smile.

“Youngjae.” Jaebeom darted his eyes at the younger.

“Oh?” Youngjae asked, trying to look as innocent as possible.

“That’s enough.” Jaebeom said simply, before looking to the front again.

The members began disappearing to their bedrooms. Jaebeom and Youngjae being the first ones, as Jaebeom suddenly grabbed the younger one by his wrist and pulled him to their bedroom.

He threw Youngjae inside and closed the door. Youngjae was a bit scared now. He meant to tease Jaebeom, not to anger him to the point where Jaebeom was huffing and pacing around the room with his hand on his head.

He reached his hand over to Jaebeom, who just moved away. Youngjae sighed and decided to just go to bed. Even like this, Jaebeom wouldn’t do anything about this. About them. And what could Youngjae do? Nothing.

He’d just finished putting on his pajamas when Jaebeom finally spoke.

“Don’t even think about sleeping away from me.”

Youngjae froze.

“That’s it?” he managed to ask. He thought the other was about to yell at him or something.

“Yes. That’s it.” Jaebeom’s tone of voice was normal.

 _‘This guy is mental. Why do I like him, again?’_ Youngjae confessed to himself. Still, the heart wants what it wants.

They went to bed in the most normal way possible, like nothing had happened. Youngjae in his pajamas, Jaebeom…well, like he always slept, in the way he had come to this world. They cuddled and drifted off to their own dreamland, not saying anything about anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah i have so much to say and when i get here i forget everything...well, first of all i hope you liked this chapter, it was a bit dramatic haha but i tried to balance it with that 2jae jealousy (2jaelousy?) thingy lol  
> also, was the length of this chapter okay? i feel like i always make my chapters too short...  
> and i think the last thing i wanted to say was that i have another fun fact about this fic (it's not really "fun" but wtv) which is: apart from 2jae themselves, my biggest inspiration for this story was their songs, especially 'Sign' and 'Q' (which are totally about each other, i mean even the words sign and cue are basically synonyms, but you didn't hear that from me). That "kiss" was inspired by 'Sign' (the song literally starts with "Wake me up with your sweet lips", it's just begging for deluded people like me to create theories around it lol)  
> well this was long and you probably think i'm crazy now T_T but yeah, hopefully, you'll be here to read the next chapter ^^


	10. Chapter 10

A couple of days passed, and Jaebeom and Youngjae had been having the weirdest experiences when they were alone, or just in each other’s eyesight. For those two days, Jaebeom woke Youngjae up with a kiss, instead of his usual way of waking him up. Youngjae didn’t complain. They were starting to get used to each other’s morning breath, but to Youngjae, that was nothing when he got to taste the surprising sweetness of Jaebeom’s lips – call him sappy, call him what you want, he’s a songwriter in the making, alright? He needs to think stuff like this…for inspiration!

In a few other occasions, where it wasn’t just the two of them, they locked eyes and it was like they could read each other’s mind and know what the other was feeling and thinking, as it was pretty much mutual. With each look, Youngjae started to understand how scarily fast his feelings for Jaebeom were surfacing, after all the time he had spent trying to hide them. But how could he stop himself, when he was sure Jaebeom felt the same way?

~

Youngjae woke up on his own that day. Jaebeom had left already. He did have something scheduled, Youngjae couldn’t remember exactly what. But he did remember the other telling him he wouldn’t be able to wake him up due to that.

He sighed and got up. He didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t want to wake up on his own. Maybe he should just go find one of the guys and seek comfort in them. Or…he could just go find Jaebeom.

‘ _No, that’s stupid. He’s working! Don’t even think about it, Youngjae!’_ the little voice inside his head tried to reason with him.

And he complied. With more sighs, he put on some random clothes, not even noticing he had put on one of Jaebeom’s hoodies that looked huge on him, even when they were almost the same height.

He placed his hands inside the pockets of the hoodie, leaving the room silently. Arriving at the living room area, he came across Jinyoung and Mark, who were cuddling on the couch, but as soon as they noticed Youngjae’s presence, along with his sad expression, immediately let go of each other, Jinyoung launching himself forward with worry.

“What’s wrong? What did he do now?”

“It’s not him, it was me...” Youngjae pouted before embracing Jinyoung. He really needed a hug right now. Jaebeom hadn’t woke him up, hadn’t made breakfast for him, and hadn’t even left a good morning note, or something like that! He was probably mad at him, maybe he had remembered how Youngjae had tried to make him jealous – when there was nothing to be jealous as Jaebeom probably didn’t like him anyway, and he was in this alone.

“Well I don’t know what you could have possibly done to him, but if it’s something related to some crazy diet, I guess that explains why Jaebeom left food for you and forced us to promise to make you eat it.” Mark added from the couch.

“I will get it for you. Go have a sit with Mark. You really need to eat, you’re all bones.” Jinyoung pinched Youngjae’s cheeks before going to the kitchen.

“But…I’m not on a diet anymore…” Youngjae mumbled, doing as he was told, but picking up a playstation controller first. Sure, he was sad, and now confused. But it would be a crime to waste such a beautiful free day without turning on the playstation to play for a bit when no one was using the TV.

With food, FIFA and his two friends by his side, Youngjae was starting to feel a bit better. But he was still worried that Jaebeom was upset at him for provoking and annoying him. Had he pushed him away? Probably. But then again, just why would Jaebeom want anything with someone like him? It didn’t make any sense. And Youngjae needed to start controlling himself and forget about everything that had happened between them that had crossed the border of their friendship.

“Youngjae do you want to play with me? You seem uninterested in the game…” Mark suggested, noticing that Youngjae wasn’t being his usual loud and fun self.

“Oh…oh, yeah! That would be awesome!” Youngjae paused the game, after Mark’s words started to sink in.

 _‘I’m just going to forget about that idiot and have fun with them instead! Yeah! Hope he comes home soon and sees us laughing and sees me not being slightly worried about him. Damn it! Ugh, just get out of my head, Lim Jaebeom!_ ’ Youngjae thought, trying to look as unaffected as possible.

“Just don’t cry too hard when you lose, alright?” Mark teased him with a giggle.

“Eh? I don’t know those words, cry and lose!” Youngjae replied, sticking his tongue out, before snuggling against Jinyoung as they waited for the game to load.

Youngjae was having the time of his life – mostly because he was winning – and eventually, yes, Jaebeom did disappear from his thoughts.

“Oh, look at the time. Let’s stop now, Youngjae. Mark and I have some stuff to do, so we have to go.” Jinyoung said, trying to push Youngjae away, as the boy was leaning against him.

“Ah…okay…” Youngjae replied numbly. So, he was going to be alone at the dorm. Great. Not really.

“Sorry, Youngjae. We’ll continue later, alright?” Mark ruffled his hair. Youngjae shrugged.

Mark and Jinyoung left the dorm without further explanation.  They just made sure Youngjae would be fine on his own multiple times before leaving, and Youngjae promised them that he’d be alright, even though he didn’t really want to be alone. But he assumed Jinyoung and Mark already had plans of their own, and he definitely didn’t want to get in their way any further than he already had when he’d interrupted their cuddling session in the morning.

With a long sigh, he went back to his room to lie down on his bed and, surprise, play his favorite online game. It was slightly past lunch time when he heard the front door open, but he didn’t really pay much attention to it.

“Youngjae? Ah, so I did hear your keyboard. Can you reply next time I call your name?” Jaebeom suddenly entered the room.

“AH!” Youngjae jumped in his seat, taking his hand to his chest. “You scared me…I didn’t hear you, I only heard the door!” he explained loudly, flailing his arms and trying to hit Jaebeom somehow.

“Sorry, sorry.” Jaebeom chuckled, sitting next to Youngjae, who noticed he was holding something. “I just have a gift for you, so I was hoping you’d be home.”

“Well, a heart attack isn’t exactly a gift.” Youngjae kept protesting.

“Alright, already said I was sorry. Now take this.” Jaebeom tried to calm him down by taking his palm and placing a small black gift bag on top of it.

Youngjae looked inside the bag and took out a sleek black box, that had some jewelers’ name printed on the top, in silver letters.

“What is this?” Youngjae stared at Jaebeom, then at the box and finally at Jaebeom again.

“You won’t know if you don’t open it. Hurry up. I have something to ask you after you open that.” Jaebeom seemed excited. Youngjae was really lost at this point.

He opened the box with his always shaky hands – that now felt even shakier than usual – and his eyes opened wide when he saw what was inside.

“Sorry it’s not much…it’s all I can afford right now…but…alright. Here it goes.” Jaebeom exhaled, before taking the box from Youngjae’s hands, and taking out one of the two matching silver bracelets he had bought that morning for them. Holding Youngjae’s wrist, he gently put it on as he continued. “Where do I even begin?” he chuckled. “Youngjae, I know it hasn’t really been that long since we’ve known each other, and I know you might not even see or want to see me this way, and if you do, we’ll most likely go through a lot of hardships but…I can’t look at you as just my fellow member, my junior, or my friend anymore. Waking up next to you isn’t just part of the routine. Seeing you smile isn’t just knowing you’re happy. And I could go on, but I want to make my point today if possible.” Jaebeom said, making Youngjae giggle. “Youngjae…what I’m trying to say is…I’m an idiot, I’m always being an idiot, and I’m sorry for that but…I love you. There.” Jaebeom finished, breathing out in relief.

Youngjae was at a loss for words. Was this even real life? Lim Jaebeom, _the_ Lim Jaebeom, was right in front of him, confessing to him in the cheesiest ~~but most perfect~~ way possible – honestly, Youngjae was shocked, he didn’t know Jaebeom could be that ~~romantic~~ sappy – and he could just accept his feelings because he felt exactly the same way, even if he could probably never confess to him like that. He stared at the bracelet for a moment, then into Jaebeom’s hopeful eyes, before he opened his arms to hug the other. He felt Jaebeom stiffen under his arms, so he held on tighter, before Jaebeom relaxed and hugged him back, his forehead resting on Youngjae’s shoulder.

“I…don’t know what to say.” Youngjae confessed.

“I know.” Jaebeom chuckled.

 

Hugging Youngjae felt nice. Well, nice was an understatement. It felt incredibly unreal how soft and warm Youngjae was, and how, somehow, Youngjae was finally his. But he was still unsure. Youngjae could just be hugging him out of pity for his one-sided love. He needed a confirmation. He needed to know he was really, once and for all, his.

Grabbing onto Youngjae’s sleeves – actually, his sleeves as Youngjae was still wearing his hoodie – he slowly pulled Youngjae closer, until their faces at the same level.

Youngjae could feel Jaebeom’s breath ghosting his cheek. He closed his eyes, as he noticed Jaebeom was closing the last inches of distance that were keeping them apart.

This time, the kiss wouldn’t feel painful. This time Youngjae wasn’t going to stop it. This time, Youngjae was at Jaebeom’s reach, close and he would never be far away from him again. This time, Jaebeom wasn’t going to ruin everything by offending Youngjae.

“You know we’re still under the dating ban, right?!” Youngjae suddenly opened his eyes in shock. So much for Youngjae not stopping the kiss.

“Youngjae, I’m not thinking about going around screaming in everyone’s faces we’re together now.” Jaebeom explained with a chuckle, even though the thought didn’t seem that bad. He tried to go near Youngjae’s lips again, but Youngjae still wasn’t done.

“Wait, wait…” Youngjae sloppily put his fingers over Jaebeom’s mouth, looking like he was thinking very hard.

“What?” Jaebeom snorted, his lips squished.

“Just…how? Why? Why me?” the younger still didn’t seem sure of this, that it was actually true. “With so many amazing people around you…why choose me?”

“Are you serious?”  Jaebeom raised his eyebrows in disbelief. He was sure he’d just told Youngjae the reasons as to why he loved him were endless. But fine, if Youngjae wanted to hear more, that’s what he’d get. He took hold of Youngjae’s face, gently pulling him closer to hold him, their cheeks touching each other as he continued. “Ah…alright. Well, for the first time in my life I found someone I want to protect and love…because you became my inspiration for…everything I do and I learned so much more from you than you did from me. Because I want to do better when I’m with you or even when I’m just thinking about you…”

“Are you crying? My face is all wet.” Youngjae giggled. He would have probably ruined the moment if the other person wasn’t Jaebeom.

“Sorry.” Jaebeom pulled back, quickly holding Youngjae’s face between his hands again, wiping away his own tears from Youngjae’s cheek with his thumb.

“Don’t cry, Jaebeomie. And don’t apologize for crying.” Youngjae kept giggling, copying Jaebeom’s action and wiping his tears away as well, before placing two soft kisses on Jaebeom’s nose and lips. “I love you, too. Now let me put on your bracelet!”

Jaebeom held out his hand, feeling like the most special person in the world at that moment, as he watched Youngjae carefully put on the bracelet on him, poking his tongue out from being concentrated, before taking Jaebeom’s hand and kissing it. Jaebeom didn’t watch many dramas, but right then he was sure Youngjae could give any of the most famous actors a run for their money. Were any of them as charming, cute and manly, all at the same time, as Youngjae was? He didn’t think so.

“Was that too much?” Youngjae laughed, feeling a bit embarrassed for getting carried away.

“It was perfect, don’t worry.” Jaebeom laughed along.

“I’m sorry…this is just…so weird. I don’t know how to act around you now.” Youngjae confessed with a sigh, snuggling against Jaebeom who took him in his embrace with open arms.

“Well, don’t _act,_ first of all.” Jaebeom chuckled. “Just…be yourself, Youngjae. Everything is still the same, we just don’t have to be so awkward around each other anymore.” Jaebeom shrugged.

“And we can kiss. Privately, of course.” Youngjae added, with an assertive nod.

“Exactly.” Jaebeom smiled fondly, looking downwards at Youngjae, who was comfortably resting his head on Jaebeom’s shoulder.

“Hum…so can we like…play a game together, now?” Youngjae asked, after a few moments of silence, not really knowing what they were supposed to do now. But for all he knew, dating someone was all about having fun and sharing your interests with them, right? And what was more fun than playing a video game with Jaebeom?

“Oh, I found a new one, let me show you.” Jaebeom replied almost instantly, and Youngjae was glad he hadn’t said anything weird.

Stretching his arm to grab his computer, so that he didn’t have to stay away from Youngjae for even one second, Jaebeom opened the game and began explaining it to his _boyfriend_.

He had never like that word as much as he did now.

 They spent the rest of the day in their room, only leaving once to go grab some snacks for the night, playing games and watching new episodes from their favorite on-going animes, both taking every opportunity to steal a kiss from the other, and hold and caress each other’s hands. Everything was so natural to them that Youngjae began to realize Jaebeom was right. It didn’t feel awkward, and he didn’t feel like he had to act a certain way just because they had realized they were, in fact, very much in love with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are things moving too fast? was it intentional? maybe it was...maybe it wasn't¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ i guess you'll find out soon!  
> btw if you didn't know, around the 'stop stop it' era (i think) 2jae started wearing these matching silver bracelets (i don't think they wear them anymore, at least not at the same time)...idk what it means to them but yeah that's where i got the idea for the bracelet thing  
> see you next time!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Time was flying, and so was their popularity. They were paving their way to become one of the next top groups, and just like that they were already preparing for their next comeback. There was still some time left, though, so their schedule was lighter, and they had free time occasionally.

Most of Youngjae’s and Jaebeom’s time was spent in the studio, writing lyrics and making songs together or with the producers they were closest to. They both had shown interest in making songs before. Mostly thanks to that JYPE had finally given them, along with the rest of the members, permission to start making their own songs, with the prospect of having those songs featured in their future albums.

“So how does Ars feel about finally producing and recording his own songs in a professional studio?” Jaebeom playfully asked Youngjae, pulling Youngjae’s office chair near him to lay a kiss on Youngjae’s shoulder. They were alone in the studio.

“I guess I feel the same way as you do. Now let me focus, please.”

 “Youngjae, shouldn’t we call it a day? You’re going to fall asleep if you keep working.” Jaebeom caressed his neck.

“No, I’m having fun. Shut up.” Youngjae covered Jaebeom’s mouth to prevent him from talking. Jaebeom replied maturely, by licking Youngjae’s hand. “Ah! Seriously!” Youngjae laughed, cleaning his palm on Jaebeom’s jacket as revenge.

“Come on. I’ll help you finish that tomorrow and you don’t even need to include me in the credits when you release the song.” Jaebeom was now poking Youngjae’s ribs.

What Youngjae didn’t know was that Jaebeom had been preparing something. It was mostly preparing himself for what he wanted to do. Still, he needed Youngjae in order to complete it. But since it was a surprise, he couldn’t just bluntly tell him what it was.

“Fine, fine. So annoying…” Youngjae teased Jaebeom.

“Yah! Who are you calling annoying!” the older one headlocked Youngjae in the softest headlock in the history of headlocks, before pulling him out of the studio.

They held hands on their way to the dorm. It was very late anyway, so there weren’t many people walking around.

~

**After gaining a new member, the group realized they needed to make some extra space at the dorm. It was already hard living with 6 people, but they didn’t image the difference another person could make.

With fourteen hands working, they tackled through the mess in the living room, kitchen and bathroom in no time, and the dormitory felt a little more a real home.

Jaebeom pulled Youngjae to their bedroom, as the rest of the members sat down on the living room to relax and enjoy the free day.

“Why aren’t we resting too?” Youngjae protested.

“They aren’t going to organize our room for us.” Jaebeom replied, poking Youngjae’s forehead.

They split the room in two side, each part for each of them to clean and organize. Jaebeom had half of their closet and bed, Youngjae the other half.

After dividing their clothes so that now Jaebeom had the upper hanger, Youngjae the bottom one, Jaebeom went to switch their pillowcases for clean ones. He was lifting Youngjae’s pillow when he found a small notebook and a pencil next to it. The cover had ‘Youngjae’s secret book of future lyrics’ written on it. Jaebeom chuckled. Not much of a secret if It was hidden under a pillow and literally said what it was on the cover.

“You’re writing lyrics already?” Jaebeom held the notebook in the air, giving it a little shake.

Youngjae turned around, and when he saw what Jaebeom was holding, his eyes opened wide and his arms flew to his precious notebook.

“Don’t open that!” Youngjae crawled over Jaebeom, trying to get a hold of the book as Jaebeom laughed, tried to balance himself and tried to keep the notebook away from Youngjae, all at the same time.

He even managed to open the notebook at one point and read a line out loud.

“ _You’re the best, I’m so happy I can wake up next to you every day._ What is this, Youngjae?” Jaebeom teased Youngjae, still laughing.

“Give me that, it’s not funny!” Youngjae shouted in protest, finally getting a hold of his notebook. Jaebeom still hadn’t let go, though.

“I’m just glad I can make you happy when I wake you up.” Jaebeom was clearly very proud to be mocking his junior.

“You don’t even know if it’s about you! Give me that, please…” the younger one was blushing.

Jaebeom let go, not wanting to taunt Youngjae any longer. Still, he wasn’t going to let go of the subject just yet.

“I don’t see you waking up next to anyone else besides me. It’s alright, Youngjae. I know not everyone would be patient enough to wake you up every day.” He said, pinching Youngjae’s chin.

“I’m going to scratch that. You don’t deserve to be in my notebook now.” Youngjae crossed his arms.

“Or you can just write all the things you hate about me instead. That would be a good idea.” Jaebeom lied down, using his arm to support his head.

Youngjae didn’t seem to like that idea by the look in his face. He put the notebook back in its place and went back to cleaning.

“By the way, you should change the thing you wrote on the cover of that thing. It’s not exactly a secret if you say what it is right after. Also, you should come up with…an artistic alias.”

“Go back to cleaning, I don’t want to talk to you.”

Jaebeom’s _Youngjae radar_ went off. Was Youngjae actually mad at him? He wasn’t sure, he couldn’t tell if he was or not. The thought was consuming him. He got up quickly and went to back hug the younger one.

“Ah, Youngjae…I was just messing with you. No need to get so worked up. Besides, I’m actually glad you’re taking an interest in finding your own sound and making your own music. I hope all of us can make our group’s music one day, even. Hum?” Jaebeom explained, resting his chin on Youngjae’s shoulder.

Youngjae exhaled. “Just ask me first before touching my things next time. Fine, it says on the cover what it is, but it still said it was a secret.”

“I’m sorry. You’re just so cute when you’re angry.” Jaebeom chuckled and Youngjae stiffened. “Ey, fine, fine. I’ll stop next time I see I’m making you angry. Let’s keep cleaning now. And you start thinking about a name for you.” Jaebeom poked Youngjae’s side before going back to his side of the room.

“Okay.” Youngjae announced, still not amused by Jaebeom’s actions.

But Youngjae did think about the name. He thought very hard about it. So hard it took him a week before he finally finished researching and coming up with something that really represented how he felt and how he wanted to be seen as an artist by others.

“Jaebeom…do you remember that thing you told me to do? About the name?”

“Ah, fuck, Youngjae you scared me.” Jaebeom said after getting startled by Youngjae’s voice. It was only normal, they had just gone to bed after a though day of schedule, and Jaebeom had just fallen asleep at that moment. “Uh, name…ah, yes. Sure, what about it?”

“I’ve found something really cool, this phrase in latin, it’s awesome I’m even thinking getting it tattooed one day right here on my arm. But yeah, it really spoke to me, you know? Like, it’s really it! Oh, I forgot to say what it was, right?” Youngjae was obviously very excited.

“Shoot it.” Jaebeom grinned, looking over to Youngjae’s side profile. He liked to see the younger happy and excited, even if it was over the simplest things.

“I might suck at the pronunciation, but it’s _Ars longa, vita brevis._ It means art is long, life is short. Something like that. I was thinking of shortening my name to just _Ars._ ”

“That’s…that’s pretty cool, actually. Yeah, you should go with that. I’m not too sure about the tattoo, though. Either way, you’re only getting it after you’re an adult, you hear me?”

“Don’t worry, I can’t get a tattoo before I’m an adult anyway, they would kick me out of the group.” Youngjae giggled. “But I’m glad you like the name. I’ll buy a new notebook and just write Ars on the cover.”

“No _secret lyrics’ book?_ ” Jaebeom teased him, and that earned him a smack on the arm.

They exchanged a stare for a few minutes, not saying anything. Jaebeom felt his heart flowing with warmth. How could Youngjae be so beautiful and mesmerizing, both inside and outside?

“Youngjae…” he murmured.

“Hm?” Youngjae asked, feeling his eyelids getting heavier from being sleepy.

“Stay by my side.”

Had he heard correctly? Did those words just come out from Jaebeom’s mouth? Youngjae’s eyes weren’t heavy anymore, they were exactly the opposite. His heart was pounding, his palms sweating. It wasn’t much, but Jaebeom’s words had somehow woke something inside him. In a way that was much stronger compared to how awake he was right now. But of course, being the big traitor and rude person he was, Jaebeom had fallen asleep after saying those words, leaving him to decipher them on his own. Youngjae hated him. Sometimes. Rarely. Never.

He really needed to sleep.**

They entered the dorm, the sound of soft giggles and delicate pecks being the only audible sounds at the moment, as the members were already sleeping tightly in their rooms.

Somehow, they got their bedroom door open and managed to enter without tripping. A lot, at least. They were still hugging each other and exchanging short but meaningful kisses. It was rare for them to have moments like these, but neither could complain when the opportunity arose.

“Youngjae, lie down.” Jaebeom suddenly demanded, breaking a kiss.

“Oh…but…I wanted to go eat something first and then go get ready for bed.”

“Are you very hungry?” the older one was impatient.

“Not really but we didn’t eat much at the studio so-“ Youngjae’s voice became muffled by Jaebeom’s.

“Well, I am.”

Jaebeom pushed Youngjae down so they could lie on their tiny mattress. Youngjae was younger than Jaebeom, but that didn’t mean he was that innocent to not know what Jaebeom’s plans seemed to be.

“W-what are we doing?” he wanted a confirmation.

Jaebeom exhaled. “Do you really need to ask? Youngjae…I just…just want to treat you decently for once. I want you to have a nice memory of me if we ever…” Jaebeom couldn’t finish his sentence. The thought of losing Youngjae was too much for him to bear.

“But…are you sure? I don’t want you to have regrets again and say things you don’t mean again, because I’m not sure if I can go through that one more time. I don’t want to.” Youngjae sighed.

“That’s why I want to do this. I want you to know that I trust you, so much. I want you to trust me again, too. You don’t know how much it hurts to see how insecure you get about this…about us sometimes. And you don’t even realize you are feeling insecure. I just…” he began a trail of kisses, going from the corner of Youngjae’s lips, to the last part of exposed skin of the other’s neck.

Youngjae closed his eyes. He wanted to think about it first, but Jaebeom’s kisses were making his brain fuzzy, his last pieces of rationality being crushed by the one thought of how right Jaebeom was, how this was such a good idea. At least, it felt good.

Jaebeom lifted his head up for a moment to look at Youngjae. they smiled at each other, and Jaebeom knew that was his cue. He began by adjusting their position, at the previous one was a bit awkward. With the both of them feeling more comfortable, they tried to remove each other’s clothes, all in very stiff movements.

“If you want me to stop anything…just say it, alright?” Jaebeom spoke between kisses, and Youngjae nodded.

As Jaebeom discarded the last piece of Youngjae’s clothes, his shirt, he had the sight of a lifetime. Youngjae looked…ethereal, lying down like that, becoming flushed and sweaty.

“Fuck, Youngjae…you look so beautiful like this.” Jaebeom blurted out with a sigh.

Youngjae shifted his eyes away from Jaebeom’s, biting his lip. “Just hurry up. I’m embarrassed as it is, don’t need to start hearing you lie to make me feel better.”

“What? Are you serious? Youngjae…you’re handsome, you’re…perfect.” Jaebeom was at a loss for words at that moment. If he couldn’t tell Youngjae how marvelous he was, he would just show him.

He trailed a finger over the bridge of Youngjae’s nose, all the way to the end of his chin, that he loved so much. Youngjae closed his eyes, before feeling Jaebeom’s lips come to contact with his, only staying there for a brief moment before trailing off to his neck, then his chest, then slowly to his stomach. Jaebeom then leaned over Youngjae’s upper arm, gently brushing over Youngjae’s tattoo with his nose. It was crazy how he had been so against that same tattoo once. Now, it drove him insane how the words _Ars Longa, Vita Brevis_ could make someone who was always so damn cute become so damn sexy. After kissing every letter individually, Youngjae thought Jaebeom was done, but the other continued placing kisses on the left side of his hipbone, then his thigh, and then all the way down to his ankle. That was when it happened.

“Ow!” Jaebeom flinched away from Youngjae’s foot, taking his hand to his cheek.

“Ah! It tickled!” Youngjae tried to explain after just having kicked Jaebeom in the face. “Damn it, I’m sorry…” Youngjae moved up to caress Jaebeom’s face.

“It’s alright. Are you enjoying this, at least?” the older asked, with some distance in case Youngjae had another spasm.

“Yes…” Youngjae exhaled, as he joined their foreheads together. Jaebeom took his lips and pushed forward so they could lie down again.

He had pictured this moment so many times before. However, as it was finally about to happen, he realized that just the thought of it couldn’t compare to how he felt right then. He was madly in love with Youngjae.

They started grinding against each other, not knowing what else to do. Well, they did, but neither of them knew how to take the next step. Eventually, the situation was becoming unbearable and uncomfortable, and Jaebeom took the lead to seek relief.

“Youngjae… we need to-“ Jaebeom was panting, making it hard to speak.

“I know, let me just…” Youngjae lifted his legs, and placed them on Jaebeom’s shoulders.

The older one giggled. “Calm down. There’s something we need to do first.” Jaebeom kissed a confused Youngjae, before getting up and searching for something that was in one of his jacket’s pockets.

Jaebeom grinned at Youngjae, returning to his side and excitedly showing him a package of condoms. Youngjae covered his face in embarrassment, when he realized what it was.

“Ah…we’re really doing this…” Youngjae said, his voice muffled by his hands. “I mean, we already started it, might as well finish it… but don’t take this the wrong way! I want to do this…I’m just…”

Jaebeom sighed and joined their foreheads. “Youngjae…, I’m very nervous too, but if you want to stop, it’s fine, just say so. We can try again another time.”

Youngjae took a deep breath. “I don’t want to stop. And I want to help you with that.” Youngjae said assertively pointing at the package, before taking it.

Jaebeom stared at Youngjae, caressing his arm as the younger read the instructions on the package out loud.

“Sorry, I’m taking so long, right? I just want to make sure we’re doing this right.” Youngjae confessed, but Jaebeom shook his head with a chuckle, in a way to tell him it was fine.

They kneeled facing each other and opened the casing together. Youngjae rested his head on Jaebeom’s chest, looking downwards, feeling Jaebeom breathing on his ear. It didn’t take long before the older one was more than ready, Youngjae felt encouraged to not let go of his grip as Jaebeom began irregularly riding his hand. Eventually, they both became frustrated again, and Youngjae pulled them down to resume the situation where they had left it on.

Using the one of the few pieces of useful information he’d found a few years ago, when he began coming to terms with his sexuality and became curious about what his first time would be like, he placed his legs on Jaebeom’s shoulders like he had done before.

Only now, things were really starting to feel real. He was really happy at that moment, staring into Jaebeom’s eyes and seeing him smile back at him as they connected their lips before connecting their bodies. Or at least, trying.

“Ow, no wait! That hurts!” Youngjae spoke a bit too loud, but they both ignored that. Jaebeom was more worried about Youngjae than about the others possibly hearing them. He moved away quickly, letting Youngjae’s legs drop to the side.

“I think we’re doing something wrong.” Jaebeom pointed out.

What Youngjae didn’t know was that Jaebeom had also been doing some research, only more recently. He’d found something about buttholes, fingers and lube that made his cheeks burn in embarrassment as Jinyoung entered the room he was in at that moment, looking through that type of information on his phone. He had to close the website and didn’t find any opportunities to search again after that.

“Maybe there is something we can do but…I don’t even know how it works.”

“Well, neither do I.” Youngjae chuckled. “What is it?”

Jaebeom exhaled and grabbed his phone. He opened the browser’s history and found the website he had consulted a few weeks ago. Youngjae was staring curiously at the other’s phone, his chin resting on Jaebeom’s right shoulder.

“They say this helps a lot…” Jaebeom said as they went through the information, completed with very detailed drawings of a butt and a dick.

After asking Youngjae if he felt fine with that, and after Youngjae nodded in agreement, Jaebeom moved to his improvised nightstand – that consisted in a shoebox that held all of his private stuff inside – and grabbed his personal bottle of lube that he kept for emergencies, as he rarely used it in front of Youngjae out of respect for him and coated his hand with the liquid solution.

They returned to their previous position, and Jaebeom took a deep breath before pushing a finger inside his partner. Youngjae was clearly very nervous, as he suddenly held on with strength to Jaebeom’s free hand, shut his eyes and bit his bottom lip to the point Jaebeom was worried he’d cut himself.

“Relax, Youngjae…it’s okay. It’ll stop soon, okay?” he tried his best to comfort Youngjae, placing soft kisses on his forehead. Jaebeom moved his finger as gently as possible, before he started noticing Youngjae becoming more relaxed. “It feels good now, right?” Youngjae nodded, his eyes still shut, only now from pleasure. “You’re doing beautifully, Youngjae.” Jaebeom whispered before adding another finger.

Youngjae flinched, opened his mouth and was ready to make some loud noise of his that would probably echo throughout the dorm, but Jaebeom reacted quickly, muffling the sound using his hand.

“Try to not be very loud.” They both giggled. “Just one more, okay? You’re too much for me to bear, Youngjae.”

“You…always treat me…so well.” Youngjae panted. He now felt comfortable enough to thrust against Jaebeom’s hand movements on his own.

“You treat me better, Youngjae. I wish you could look at yourself right now.”

Neither of them could hang on for much longer. Jaebeom quickly added what he felt like would be the last needed digit inside Youngjae. He felt thankful they only had a mattress at that moment. That way, if the others could hear anything – which he was almost sure they could, as Youngjae had just made a very loud and obscene noise – at least they wouldn’t hear the sound of a bed cranking.

“Youngjae, I think you’re ready.” Jaebeom managed to speak.

Youngjae made a sound that seemed to be some sort of command for Jaebeom to hurry up. Adjusting the legs on his shoulders, Jaebeom basically manhandled Youngjae upwards, so that Youngjae could sit on his lap.

“I want to have a clear view of you, Youngjae. I want to look at your face.”

“Jaebeom…” Youngjae sighed, leaning forward to kiss the other’s lips. Jaebeom had never felt Youngjae kiss him like that.

“Sit on me, Youngjae.” Jaebeom demanded, separating their lips and almost regretting that decision. Still, he needed to feel Youngjae, feel Youngjae on him.

Youngjae tried to do it in one go, but Jaebeom quickly stopped him. It was their first time, and he didn’t want their first time to end in a hospital. So Youngjae sank down slower, taking time to adjust himself.

It stung a bit at first, but it became almost painless a few minutes after. Jaebeom moved his hands to caress Youngjae’s cute tummy, with eyes that told Youngjae he was ready. That they both were.

Jaebeom grunted as Youngjae began riding him, making short and slow movements at first, but as time progressed, they both began moving rhythmically, making their own melody.

“You need some attention too, don’t you?” Jaebeom asked, noticing neither was taking care of Youngjae’s hard.

Jaebeom searched for the lube in between the sheets that surrounded them. When he found it, he coated his hand again, and started working on Youngjae. He smiled as he felt Youngjae contract and relax continuously inside him as Jaebeom came to touch with him, his smile spreading to Youngjae’s mouth as he closed his thighs with strength against Jaebeom’s waist.

“You…!” Jaebeom wasn’t liking – he was loving – this playful side of Youngjae. He wasn’t going to let the other one walk away in victory after trying to crush him between his thighs.

He grabbed Youngjae tightly and lied them down again.

“Can you stop doing tha-AH!” Youngjae tried to protest, but Jaebeom’s plans got in the way.

Jaebeom began thrusting faster, to the point where they both began losing the rhythm they had set before, until he came. Youngjae moaned loudly, Jaebeom following him with what almost sounded like a roar. Youngjae found it cute how in every situation Jaebeom was partially a cat. He wasn’t going to tell him that, though. It would be way too embarrassing and not fit for the moment, at all.

But Jaebeom just wasn’t going to end the surprises there. He crawled downwards slowly, feeling like he had no more strength, but there was still something he wanted to do.

“Can I?” he asked for permission first, not wanting Youngjae to feel uncomfortable. Youngjae nodded silently before he felt something very warm and moist surround his length.

“Ah, fuck.” He blurted out unconsciously. Youngjae was trying his best to look down, he wanted to see Jaebeom, he wanted to see that he was really there. He was a bit shocked to see Jaebeom not showing any type of gag reflexes while he basically sucked the life out of him. Youngjae felt like he was in a different dimension, and like he needed to grasp onto reality quickly. His hands drifted down until he found Jaebeom’s hair. He grabbed it, pulling it way harder than what he expected to at first. He heard a loud _pop_ as he felt the soft texture under his hands trying to move.

“Can you not pluck my hair out?” Jaebeom protested in a husky voice.

“S-sorry.” Was all Youngjae managed to say at that moment, his head falling to the pillow as he felt his whole body relaxing, not even realizing he had just come all over Jaebeom’s chest.

Jaebeom panted as he moved back up after using his shirt to sloppily wipe himself first before resting on Youngjae shoulder. He stared at Youngjae’s chest movement and Youngjae was having just as much trouble breathing as he was.

“Sorry…that didn’t go very well, right?” Youngjae whispered.

“No, not at all. At least not on your side. But if you think I didn’t do very well-“

“No, no! No…I’m…I’m really happy right now.” Youngjae smiled and turned to the side so he could hug Jaebeom. “Happy and tired.” He added, his voice drowsy.

“Hey, don’t fall asleep now. We need to clean ourselves and the sheets first.” Jaebeom ordered, kissing Youngjae’s cheek right after. “And I really need to brush my teeth before I can kiss you again.” Jaebeom added, chuckling.

His joke earned Jaebeom a smack on the chest from Youngjae. “Eh…okay…”

After a few fun minutes in the bathroom, they ran back to the bedroom, not wanting to be possibly caught by one of the guys. Jaebeom was still sure they had heard them, though. ‘ _Whatever’,_ he thought. ‘ _I’ll just punch them or something, if they make any stupid remark.’_

Jaebeom threw their sheet and covers away to the end of the room, to deal with tomorrow, as Youngjae took out their clean change of bedding. The younger felt his cheeks redden as he thought they might need to buy some more extra sheets and covers if they were going to start doing this regularly now. Two probably wouldn’t be enough. What was enough anyway? He didn’t know, it was his first time, alright?

“Hey, hey, be careful you’re going to rip the sheet.” Jaebeom laughed as he saw Youngjae furiously making a new bed.

“What? Oh…right.” Youngjae calmed down.

“Are you angry?” Jaebeom asked, running a hand down Youngjae’s back.

“No….I was just…thinking.” Youngjae tried to shove the topic away, but Jaebeom didn’t move and was still looking at him, obviously waiting for Youngjae to say what was on his mind. “Ugh…I was just…wondering if we…you know…again…” he mumbled.

“If we’re going to make love again? Only if you want to. I don’t want you to feel forced or pressured to do it.” Jaebeom shrugged, and Youngjae wanted to yell at him for being so calm about the situation.

“I’m not! I’m a grown man!” Youngjae smacked his chest making Jaebeom laugh.

“Oh, right. I forgot about that.” Jaebeom teased him and earned himself a kick on the knee from Youngjae.

“Shut up…” Youngjae said before he started laughing too.

“Let’s go to sleep now, hum?” Jaebeom lied down and pulled Youngjae to his arms. They snuggled up against each other and fell asleep in an instant.

~

Jaebeom had never been happier to hear an alarm clock. It was time to wake up, and that meant he was finally going to look at Youngjae again. The thought seemed perfectly fine while he was still half asleep, but when he was finally awake, he realized how pathetic he was. Youngjae was really powerful, he eventually admitted to himself.

“Youngjae…it’s time to wake up. Come on.” He began waking up Youngjae. But the other was obviously very against that idea.

“Leave me alone…” Youngjae protested.

Jaebeom smiled and moved forward to steal a few pecks from Youngjae’s lips. He then grabbed Youngjae by his waist and tried to pull him up, but that seemed to be a terrible idea.

“Ow!”

“Ow, ow!” they both shouted and fell down on the mattress.

“My butt…it hurts!” Youngjae cried.

“My hips hurt too...think I was getting rusty.”

“Ew. I don’t want to hear that, Jaebeom.” Youngjae kicked the other. Even if it hurt to move, he didn’t want to hear dirty jokes first thing in the morning.

“Ow. Sorry!” Jaebeom laughed anyway. “Come on, let’s go now.” Jaebeom announced and Youngjae pouted. “I know, it hurts, but we can’t stay here all day. Even if…I’d like that very much.” He grinned stupidly.

“Bye.” Youngjae was done and got up. Slower than he wanted, but he was tired of Jaebeom’s shenanigans.

Jaebeom waited for Youngjae to get ready, as Youngjae was always very sleepy in the morning and took longer than him to get dressed. When Youngjae was ready to get out, Jaebeom tackled him and pulled him out of their bedroom, holding onto him thightly.

Youngjae was loudly protesting as he heard Jaebeom giggle and felt him smack his butt a few times, before they were brought back to reality by Jinyoung, who suddenly cleared his throat.

“It’s a good morning, right? I mean, not even half as good as the night was for… _some_ people.” Jinyoung remarked, taking his cup of coffee to the couch, where the rest of the members awaited him with muffled giggles.

“Way to go, Youngjae!”

“Yeah you should try some of that vocal stuff you did in our next album!” Jackson commented. Jaebeom wasn’t pleased.

He let Youngjae go – much to Youngjae’s content as his butt was burning in pain – and crossed his arms with a stern expression.

“Are you done? Do you want to make fun of him any longer?” Jaebeom said sternly.

“Geez, calm down. We’re just messing with you guys cause we’re happy. It was about time, no?” Jackson calmed the leader down.

“You…you heard us? And you don’t mind me and him…?” Youngjae raised his eyebrows, blushing at how embarrassing this whole situation was turning into.

“Of course not!”

“Yeah if you two are happy, then we are happy. Just don’t do it every night, we need to sleep and so do you.” Jinyoung said.

“Yup and control yourselves in front of us, the staff and the cameras. Don’t get too excited.” Jackson wiggled his eyebrows, almost like he was suggesting Youngjae and Jaebeom to do exactly the opposite.

“Jaebeom, you don’t need to always be so defensive about Youngjae. He can defend himself if he wants to. Also, we weren’t even attacking you two.” Bambam pouted, feeling sad that his leader would think something like that.

Jaebeom scowled and went to the kitchen to make something for Youngjae to eat. And for himself too, he supposed.

He returned and found Youngjae between the members, getting his cheeks pinched and hands held by Yugyeom and Mark. Apparently, they were trying to make him tell them what they had done.

“I’m not going to tell you guys that, you pervs! That’s…my private life!”

“Just tell us one thing! Come on!” Jackson pleaded cutely.

Jaebeom handed Youngjae his plate of food and went to lean against the wall, away from Youngjae so the members wouldn’t accuse him of over-defending Youngjae again. He wanted to prove them wrong. Of course, Youngjae didn’t need protection. The thing was, Jaebeom enjoyed being by his side and help him, and if that meant to defend Youngjae from snarky remarks, that’s what he would do.

“Ah…fine. One thing.”

“Who was on top?!” Jackson immediately asked.

Youngjae froze in his seat, his eyes unconsciously darting over to Jaebeom. The members had their answer.

“Oh, Jaebeom, my man!” Jackson ran to Jaebeom to give him a handshake, as the rest of the members celebrated. For some reason.

“Fucking hell…” Jaebeom disappeared to the bathroom.

Youngjae hid his face. He didn’t mean to look at him!

‘ _Aah…is he mad at me now? I just want this day to end. And my butt to stop hurting.’_ Youngjae thought, caressing his butt in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)  
> ah this chapter is huge...and i'm not even that happy with it. oh well, hope you enjoyed it!  
> see you next time!!


	12. Chapter 12

Youngjae knocked on the bathroom door. Jaebeom had locked himself inside. This wasn’t good. He shouldn’t have let Jackson ask questions, of course Jackson was going to ask something stupid like that, to catch him off guard. Youngjae felt that he was an idiot. A huge idiot.

He kicked the door mindlessly. Jaebeom opened the door a few seconds after and stared at him disapprovingly.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to.” Youngjae mumbled.

“You never do, right?” Jaebeom shoved Youngjae aside as he walked past him.

“Hey, hey! What are you doing?” Jackson appeared at that moment, taking Youngjae into his arms.

“What the fuck do you want now? Want to embarrass us some more for your own amusement?” Jaebeom responded.

“Can you stop, Jaebeom? He wasn’t trying to embarrass anyone. Or is that just how you feel?” Youngjae didn’t want to say anything, but Jaebeom was forcing him too. He wasn’t understanding where this was coming from. Could Jaebeom be consistent with his words for once?

“Exactly!” Jackson agreed.

Youngjae wasn’t done. “And you too, Jackson. It’s enough now. Jaebeom clearly took the joke too personally, so just drop it, please.”

Jaebeom clenched his teeth before he pulled Youngjae by his arm, away from Jackson reach. He looked into Youngjae’s eyes and then placed his palms on either side of his neck, leaning in with speed to kiss Youngjae. He felt Youngjae stiffen up at first, but soon he relaxed and held on to Jaebeom’s hoodie tightly, pulling him closer to deepen the kiss. Jackson was perplexed, staring at them.

After he felt like it was enough to get the message through, he pushed Youngjae away, not letting go of him and placing an arm around his shoulders.

“Everyone! Youngjae and I are now officially dating! Which means, he’s mine and you can’t touch him!” he shouted. Youngjae never knew Jaebeom was that corny to stupidly announce their relationship out loud. Did they even need it at that point?

“Like…forever? But Youngjae is so huggable!” Yugyeom protested from the living room, and pretty much everyone agreed with him.

“Yeah, that’s a bit too much considering we live and work together.” Bambam pointed out.

“I don’t care! If I see you touching him, you’ll clean our room for a week!”

“What? Ew! Sorry, Youngjae I guess there’s no more hugs for you.” Yugyeom continued.

“What are you even saying?” Youngjae poked Jaebeom’s sides. “I decide who touches me and who doesn’t, you fool!”

~

 _Just Right_ promotions were going quite well. Damn well actually, it was probably their best comeback so far, and they were surely having a lot of fun with it.

Jaebeom and Youngjae were probably the ones having the most fun. They were used to being roommates and good friends who happened to like to like to be near each other as much as possible before, but now that things were different between them, now that their relationship had taken a step forward, everything felt so natural, and more comfortable too.

Not that they could just kiss when they felt like it, or hold hands, or go on dates. They didn’t have time and the managers would probably kill them if they found out they were dating. But at least they didn’t have to hide their feelings from each other and from the members.

The song had come out recently, so they were busy performing on music shows, doing interviews and going to fansigns around the country. Today was an especially hectic day, with a performance on Inkigayo and a fansign at Incheon.

“At least we can go back to the dorm when it ends.” Yugyeom pointed out, as they headed off to the show, trying to cheer up his older brothers.

Youngjae had a hard time waking up that day, so he wasn’t feeling that great. It was even worse when the managers assigned him and Jaebeom to different cars. Yugyeom and Mark were sharing the backseat, so he was left alone in the middle seat of the van, which meant he couldn’t even snuggle with one of them.

“I want Coco…” Youngjae sighed.

Jaebeom hadn’t been the only big change in Youngjae’s life. Ever since the little lady had come to his and Mark’s life, he felt like he was really becoming a matured adult. He had a living being that he was responsible for and that gave him so much love in return. Youngjae often had fun wondering to whom that applied better, if Coco, if Jaebeom.

“You’ll see her in no time, don’t worry.” Mark patted his shoulder comfortingly.

They arrived at SBS’s headquarters soon, greeted the fans that were waiting for them outside and went to get their makeup and outfits on. He was trying to control himself, but Youngjae still hadn’t talked to Jaebeom.

He sat on a chair in their waiting room, waiting for his turn. Finally, one of the coordinators called him to get changed. At least he had something to do now. After that, he passed by the makeup station and there was Jaebeom. But he didn’t have time to go talk to him now. It would have to wait.

Before he realized, he was dressed and had make-up on. That meant it was now time to wait for their turn to perform. And that meant he could finally be with Jaebeom.

He found the other on the chair he’d been sitting on just moments ago. Quietly, he sat down next to him. Jaebeom stared at him for a second and chuckled. He got up, and Youngjae was a bit disappointed, was Jaebeom mocking him?

His answer came quickly, when he saw the other just went to their manager to tell him he and Youngjae were going to get some more bottles of water, something they weren’t supposed to do as there were assistants to do that, but Jaebeom insisted that it was fine.

“Come on.” Jaebeom told Youngjae, heading towards the exit. Youngjae followed him silently.

The place was crowded, there were singers, assistants and staff from SBS running back and forth in the main corridor. Youngjae unconsciously grabbed Jaebeom’s arm, as he was getting scared they would get run over by someone or something.

Jaebeom kept leading and making way for them to pass through. Youngjae squeezed his arm as they passed by the people that distributed the bottles of water.

“It’s here.” Youngjae announced.

“We’re not going there.”

“Oh. Okay.” Youngjae mumbled, figuring maybe there was some other water station he didn’t know about.

After going through numerous doors and going down a few flights of stairs, they arrived to Jaebeom’s destination, some empty corridor in some part of the building Youngjae had never heard of. He wasn’t sure how Jaebeom even knew of that place.

His confusion disappeared the moment Jaebeom hugged him tightly. He immediately hugged him back.

“We can’t take long but…I know. You missed me a lot, right?” Jaebeom said with a hint of cuteness that made Youngjae sick.

“Ew…I miss Coco, not you.” Youngjae replied, half joking, half speaking the truth.

He did miss Jaebeom, he just wasn’t going to admit that to the other and make Jaebeom think he was that important. It wasn’t like Jaebeom didn’t know he was important to him, anyway.

Jaebeom chuckled, stealing a peck from Youngjae at the same time. Youngjae opened his eyes wide and smacked Jaebeom’s chest repeatedly.

“Are you stupid?! What if someone sees us?!” Youngjae tried to reason with him, but Jaebeom just ignored his protests and kissed him again.

“I know you had schedule to play one of your games tonight, but there was a change of plans. There’s something I want to do with you, but I’ll give you more details when we get back, okay?” Jaebeom was almost whispering to Youngjae’s ear, as he smiled.

Youngjae’s heart was melting, even though he was extremely embarrassed and scared someone might have seen them. He nodded his head, not being able to speak after what had happened.

“Alright. Let’s go get our waters and head back to the dressing room.” The older one said, putting his arm around Youngjae and kissing him one last time, only this time he went for Youngjae’s cheek.

“Ah, stop that!” Youngjae wiped his cheek with his hand.

“Stop complaining or I’ll do it again.” Jaebeom threatened playfully, but Youngjae took the threat very seriously.

They returned to the dressing room with a couple of bottles of water each. It was almost time for them to go on stage, so they went through their routine with the rest of the guys one last time, Jaebeom going back to leader mode and making sure everyone was ready to go. Youngjae went to check on a few moves of their choreography with Yugyeom.

After their performance, they went back to the dressing room to monitor themselves and wait for the winner to be announced. After everything was done, it was then time to head to the fansign. Since it was near SBS’s headquarters, they had plenty of time to freshen up and retouch their make-up and make sure everything was alright with their outfits.

They were used to do fansigns now. Usually, everything went smoothly, and they could enjoy a nice afternoon signing albums, receiving gifts and letters and entertaining their fans. It was rare for them to feel pressured during these events.

But all good things must come to an end, and eventually it was time to head back to the dorm. Youngjae started to feel nervous, thinking about what Jaebeom had told him earlier that day. What was the other planning to do?

When they arrived, he rushed out and happily went up on his own.

“What’s gotten into him? He was dying this morning and now he’s himself again.” Mark commented with Yugyeom, giggling.

“He’s probably happy to go back to his bed.” Yugyeom replied.

~

Youngjae went to cuddle and feed Coco as soon as he entered the dorm. The members started to come in one by one, most of them going over Youngjae and Coco to pet the small puppy.

“Mark, can you watch over her now? I need to talk to Youngjae.” Jaebeom asked him, crouching next to Youngjae and gently petting Coco.

“Sure.”

After Youngjae was certain she felt safe in her other dad’s arms, he followed Jaebeom to their bedroom. He still didn’t know what was going on.

“Put on black clothes, a hat and a mask.” Jaebeom ordered. “I’m taking you out.”

“O-out? Like on a d-date?” Youngjae stuttered.

“Yeah…I guess. Unless…you prefer to go play your game.” Jaebeom shrugged.

“No! I want to go!” Youngjae ran over to Jaebeom, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers. “I’ll change right away!”

Jaebeom was stupidly grinning, not seeming able to stop. Youngjae just had that effect on him, just made him want to smile always.

“Put this on.” He handed Youngjae one of his black sweatshirts. If they were going on a date, he wanted Youngjae to wear something of his.

Youngjae smiled and gave Jaebeom one of his jackets in return. After they were ready, they exited their room, told the others they were going out for a bit – which made them ecstatic – and stepped outside, with their hats and masks on to protect their identities.

Thankfully, the night’s weather was pleasant, so it was one less thing for them to worry about. They linked arms and went to get something to eat, after Jaebeom bought them drinks at the convenience store near their dorm.

Street food was the first thing they saw, and idea pleased both. Jaebeom insisted in paying again, and they got three servings of fishcakes, two for Jaebeom and one for Youngjae, who also got a corndog for…being cute – yes, that was Jaebeom reason, fight him!

“Wah…what did I do to deserve this?” Youngjae couldn’t contain his happiness. Jaebeom looked at him and he could see his eyes disappearing from smiling.

He was about to ask him to take off his mask, so he could see his smile, but he knew they should go somewhere less crowded first.

They went back to their dorm area, as there was a park nearby that not a lot of people used. Seemed like that wasn’t their lucky day, as apparently other couples had the same idea as them. But they eventually found an empty bench, from where they could even see their dorm. They sat down, took off their masks and began eating, before their food got any colder.

“Jaebeom, open wide!” Youngjae said cutely, holding a fish cake for Jaebeom to take a bite from. He was proud of himself when he noticed Jaebeom became flustered before taking a shy bite.

“So…are you happy?” Jaebeom was still a bit embarrassed, but he really needed to know if Youngjae was alright.

“Hm.” Youngjae nodded. “This is risky, but it’s fun. And no one is paying much attention to us anyway. Guess we just look like two friends, which is fine with me.” Youngjae laughed.

Jaebeom stared into his eyes, and damn it, why did Youngjae always look so gorgeous when he laughed. He looked around the park, and after noticing that literally no one had even noticed their presence, he leaned in to kiss Youngjae.

“Kiss me. Quickly.” Jaebeom told Youngjae, who was perplexed. “Come on!” Jaebeom whispered, impatiently.

Youngjae inhaled before accepting the kiss. It was short, but it made them incredibly happy. Jaebeom circled his arm around Youngjae’s shoulders and continued eating.

After their meal, they decided to take a walk. Even if they should be resting in their bed, being together seemed to be a better option. They talked about their day and their impressions on the fansign, as they walked around the park with their arms linked. Eventually, they concluded they should head back before one of the managers somehow found out they weren’t home.

“Hope it was a good first date.” Jaebeom scratched his head as they went up the elevator.

“The best!” Youngjae put his thumbs up with a smile that killed Jaebeom, who had to hug him for support.

They entered the dorm and the others were still up, gathered around the TV, so they went to join them.

As soon as they noticed Youngjae and Jaebeom’s presence, Jackson started shouting.

“Youngjae and Jaebeom sitting on a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” he teased them and Jaebeom kicked him in response.

Youngjae blushed and went to cuddle with Jinyoung, too embarrassed to sit near Jaebeom now. He tried to get Coco to go to his lap to comfort him, but the puppy was peacefully sleeping on Mark’s legs.

“Hey, Youngjae…you don’t need to stay away from each other when we are alone. It’s fine. The only way we’ll get mad is if you aren’t next to each other.” Jinyoung poked Youngjae’s ribs.

Youngjae sighed. “Okay…” he replied, going to sit on the floor next to Jaebeom.

“Look at them! Aren’t they so sweet?!” Jackson was squealing.

“Leave them alone. You’ll wake Coco up.” Mark chuckled, slapping Jackson’s arm gently to calm him down.

When they felt more comfortable, Youngjae opened his hand on Jaebeom’s lap, and the latter held it. Jackson didn’t say anything this time, so Jaebeom felt safe enough to play with Youngjae’s fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided to update just because nothing much happens in this chapter, but they are cute so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ here it was, hope it was okay hahaha don't really like JB acting like a diva at the beginning but it's kinda important for what is going to happen soon  
> btw, Youngjae's insta updates ended me...Youngjae and Jaebeom are just so so cute T_T well all GOT7 members are haha  
> also, Coco is my Queen!


	13. Chapter 13

Snow was falling and pilling up outside in tiny fluffy mountains.

However, Youngjae had other plans for that day than to spend it outside in the cold. He was staying inside, waiting for his game to load. When he heard the familiar cheery theme song, he felt pure joy rush through his body.

What a way to spend Christmas. A blanket covering and warming him up, Coco running around the room and playing with her toy, and him playing his favorite game on Jaebeom’s bed.

‘ _Where is he anyway?’_ Youngjae sighed.

Right at that moment, the door opened, allowing Coco to finally be free, and allowing Jaebeom to come in, holding a bag.

“Wah, it’s cold outside… Wait, you were keeping her a prisoner? Let the dog breathe, Youngjae.” Jaebeom chuckled.

“No, I want her to be near me all the time! She’s my baby.” Youngjae pouted in protest. Jaebeom’s heart melted at Youngjae’s adorable protectiveness and made him happily jump next to Youngjae as he squealed.

“You’re so cute.” He pinched Youngjae’s cheek “I’m almost jealous.”

“Stop, you’re distracting me!” Youngjae slapped Jaebeom’s hand away. He wanted to go up at least three levels that night. Jaebeom wasn’t helping.

“Your mom gave you money to go buy tangerines. You didn’t buy them, and I had to go buy them for you, so she wouldn’t be upset. And now you’re going to spend the night playing a video game?” Jaebeom shook his head, taking out an tangerine from the bag and proceeding to peeling it to give it to Youngjae. “Open your mouth.”

Youngjae did as he was told, not looking away from his game. Not only was Jaebeom distracting him, he was also mentioning his mother, whom Youngjae loved dearly for obvious reasons, but didn’t want to think about when he was alone with Jaebeom. Just what would she think if she knew about them?

“Ah, that’s too big. Separate it.” He said after noticing Jaebeom was trying to feed him a whole tangerine.

Jaebeom didn’t even flinch. It was ridiculous the amount of power Youngjae had over him. He could order him around and he’d do anything Youngjae asked him to do. After separating the tangerine, he began feeding it to Youngjae, piece by piece, taking a few bites himself too.

“Do you like it?” Jaebeom asked, referring to the tangerine.

“You know I love it when you feed me.” Youngjae giggled and Jaebeom nudged him, trying to hide his smile.

Before peeling another tangerine, Jaebeom grabbed one of his blankets and wrapped it around them, shifting nearer Youngjae until there was no more space between them. They had a bunkbed now, so there wasn’t much space to begin with, anyway.

“You’re sleeping here tonight, right?” Jaebeom asked, while picking another tangerine to peel.

“Hum…? I always sleep here.”

Jaebeom knew that Youngjae always slept on his bed. He just liked to confirm it. Several times a day. He linked arms with Youngjae and nuzzled the other’s shoulder with his head, before taking a piece of the tangerine to his mouth to feed Youngjae. Youngjae chuckled when he noticed it, immediately accepting the tangerine and the bonus kiss that came with it.

It took them a while to finish the tangerine, as Jaebeom was making sure to include lots of bonuses with each feed. When they were done, it didn’t take long for Jaebeom to become bored. Youngjae was paying more attention to the game than to him, and he wasn’t liking that. He even fell asleep on Youngjae’s shoulder for a few seconds.

“Youngjae… it’s 10pm…it’s going to be Christmas in no time…”

“Since when do you care?!” Youngjae laughed.

“Hey…I just wanted us to spend Christmas together…Can’t we watch a movie, or something?” Jaebeom suggested.

“Let me just…” Youngjae was focusing really hard on his game. If he killed this guy, he’d level up four levels at once. If. He would’ve, if Jaebeom hadn’t suddenly clicked on the power button without him noticing. “NO! WHY DID YOU DO-” Youngjae started shouting, but Jaebeom covered his mouth, laughing.

“Sh! You’ll finish that later, let’s just watch the movie, hum? I’ll even let you choose.” Jaebeom tried to appease his angry boyfriend.

“I hate you.” Youngjae crossed his arms.

Jaebeom giggled. Youngjae had no idea how adorable he looked when he was angry. Jaebeom exhaled loudly and leaned closer to Youngjae, placing a palm on the other’s neck and kissing him gently. He smiled as he felt Youngjae kissing him back. He only stopped when he felt Youngjae wasn’t upset at him anymore, but not being able to move away he began to softly nibble the other’s plump bottom lip.

Youngjae poked Jaebeom’s ribs to make him stop. “I thought we were going to watch a movie.”

“Just one more.” Jaebeom pleaded. Youngjae sighed, but gave in – of course, how could he ever say no to a kiss when Jaebeom was actually being so sweet to him? Yes, he’d just ruined his game but, to Youngjae, Jaebeom was the person that made him ignore even the best game in the world.

“I want to watch _One Piece_ movies.” Youngjae announced, turning on his laptop again.

“M’kay.” Jaebeom mumbled happily, staring at Youngjae fondly, as he caressed his cheek.

“Yo, Jaebeom-oh sorry guys I’ll come back another time.” It was Bambam, who barged in Youngjae and Jaebeom’s bedroom without knocking.

“Bambam, it’s okay! Come on in!” Jaebeom shouted in a hurry.

Bambam opened the door, slightly embarrassed. “Thought you guys were…doing something. Hum, anyway. Just wanted to confirm with you, we are going to Music Bank’s Christmas Special tomorrow, right?”

“Of course, what do you think we’ve been practicing for?” Jaebeom chuckled.

“Right! So…I’m going to go now. Hum…have fun! Don’t make too much noise!” Bambam blurted before closing quickly closing the door.

“Oh god, so embarrassing…” Youngjae hid his face on Jaebeom’s chest. He really hated it when the others interrupted their time alone, not because he didn’t like them doing it, but because he felt like the biggest nuisance to Jaebeom and to the group. But he didn’t want Jaebeom to know that, or he might become an even bigger nuisance for being annoying and needy.

Jaebeom giggled, as he shifted Youngjae’s laptop to his side, so he could search for the movie. “It’s okay. We weren’t doing anything he couldn’t see, Youngjae. And I’m not planning to do anything like that anyway.”

“Oh…right.” Youngjae muttered against Jaebeom’s chest.

“I mean…if it happens, it happens. Didn’t mean it like that.” Jaebeom shrugged. “Also, you can come out now. Found the movie.”

Youngjae’s head resurfaced from hiding as he heard sound coming from his computer’s speakers. He adjusted himself against Jaebeom, as they began watching the movie while holding hands.

“We should do this next year too.” Youngjae spoke softly. Even after everything that had just happened and how he was feeling inside as a result, he was still happy to be with the other.

“Of course.” Jaebeom replied, leaning over to pick another tangerine for them to share.

The movie eventually ended, much to Youngjae disappointment. Jaebeom checked the time on his phone. It was past midnight, which meant it was Christmas.

“Can we watch the next one now? Please?” Youngjae pleaded.

“Aah…I really don’t want to say no…but we have work soon, Youngjae. We’ll watch it tomorrow, okay?” Jaebeom proposed, making Youngjae nod with sadness.

Youngjae turned off the PC and Jaebeom placed it on their nightstand. Still bundled under the blanket, they hugged each other to go to sleep comfortably.

“Merry Christmas, Jaebeom.”

“Merry Christmas.” Jaebeom replied, before kissing Youngjae’s cheek.

Youngjae let out a soft giggle that encouraged Jaebeom to kiss him properly and proceeding to slowly run his hand down Youngjae’s back, all the way to the hem of his pajama pants. Youngjae flinched but didn’t break the kiss. Jaebeom got a little bolder, turning Youngjae over to lie on top of him, his hand inside Youngjae’s shirt now.

“We should stop.” Youngjae ordered, pushing Jaebeom away. “Someone might come in and…we have work, you said it yourself.”

Jaebeom sighed, agreeing with Youngjae, much to his discontentment. Jaebeom didn’t know why, but Youngjae had been refusing to make love with him ever since JYPE had given them bunkbeds. He didn’t want to ask the other for a reason, as it could just be him reading too much into it, and maybe all the excuses Youngjae seemed to be giving were actually the truth. But still, it didn’t sit well with him that the only forms of intimacy Youngjae seemed to want to share with him were kisses and occasional make-out sessions, that never lasted that long anyway and the last one had been on the day they got their first win on a show.

“Are you mad?” Youngjae said, with a muffled voice from all the blankets as he lied sideways again.

“What? Oh. Don’t worry, let’s just sleep.” Jaebeom followed him, now keeping a distance between them.

“Sorry I just…don’t want to do those things right now. But when I feel ready I’ll-”

“Youngjae, it’s okay. Have I ever forced you to do anything you didn’t want to do?” Jaebeom asked and Youngjae shook his head. “Don’t pressure yourself. Like I said, it happens when it happens.”

“But I know you want to do it… I feel so stupid…” Youngjae confessed. Jaebeom fell silent for a moment. “See? I’m right.” Youngjae sighed.

“Youngjae, I don’t want to fight about something so silly, so just stop okay? I’m not trying to pressure you… but if that’s how you see me and how you see my feelings for you, then I’m sorry.” Jaebeom exhaled and turned around.

“Ah, seriously…that’s not what I meant! Jaebeom, don’t be mad at me…” Youngjae back-hugged the other, whining.

Jaebeom tried to stay mad at Youngjae, he really tried. But, how could he? Especially when Youngjae was whimpering just behind his back, while holding him tightly. He turned around in the blink of an eye and hugged Youngjae again.

“I did say we had to always be in each other’s sight all the time, right?”

“Ah…so lame.” Youngjae laughed. “But yes, you did.” He added, before giving the other a short peck and closing his eyes to finally sleep.

Jaebeom only fell asleep after seriously pondering if all of this, all that had been going on between them hadn’t been rushed. Or worse, if it hadn’t been a mistake.

Youngjae seemed happy they were together, but Jaebeom knew how the other, much like himself, sucked at showing and sharing how he truly felt inside. And right now, Jaebeom didn’t want to share with the other how he had been feeling. How this, just watching a movie with him on Christmas Eve, could be one of the last things he would do for him.

Stupidly enough, Jaebeom wasn’t even sure how he was feeling, and he certainly couldn’t possibly tell any of this to the other. He wasn’t brave enough to tell Youngjae he wasn’t sure if he still wanted to be with him. So, he’d just let things be, and not be.

~

Jaebeom woke up Youngjae the same way they went to sleep, and the same way he always woke the other up. With a shower of kisses, that was followed by an actual shower after Youngjae finally found the strength to get out of bed.

They usually showered together to save time, as on days like this one they needed to get prepared as quickly as possible. One might think they wouldn’t be able to control themselves, being alone and very exposed in such a cramped space. But it was nothing like that. They knew there was a time – the place didn’t matter to them, as it had been proven even before they had realized how they felt – for everything, and when the manager was just outside of the room, nagging the rest of the guys to hurry up as they had to leave in an hour, there was obviously no time for fooling around.

They finished showering quickly, and went to their bedroom to get dressed, as Bambam and Yugyeom were already inside the bathroom waiting for them to leave so they could, too, shower.

They got dressed, everyone finished getting ready, and soon they were at KBS’s headquarters to film their special performance on Music Bank’s Christmas special.

Youngjae became a bit frustrated as they waited for their pre-recording, as Jaebeom seemed to be standing far from him most of the time, but it wasn’t enough to make him become upset.

 It did hurt him a bit that after the pre-recording and during the time they were waiting for the show to end, Jaebeom seemed to be obviously ignoring him, preferring the company of other members, which wasn’t that bad when it was compared to the attention he was giving to their staff.

Youngjae wasn’t one to show how he felt that easily, and he knew that feelings like jealousy had no place in public, as it could compromise their relationship. However, it did taunt him that Jaebeom didn’t seem bothered to be laughing, messing with and borderline flirting with some of the staffs, making him feel insignificant.

‘ _Maybe I’m just thinking too much into it_ …’ Youngjae thought, getting closer to Jaebeom and the group he was talking with, trying to join the conversation and hopefully send the message across to the other that he was being a bit too much.

Jaebeom seemed to understand Youngjae just from looking to his eyes and did quieten slightly after that.

After they returned home, Youngjae wanted to confront Jaebeom, he wanted to know his reasons for being like that today. But he didn’t. He hated to fight, especially with Jaebeom. So, he just hoped the other would never do something like that again silently.

He did feel better when Jaebeom kept their promise and invited him to watch the rest of the movies. He decided to just ignore the things that had happened earlier that day. And to ignore how Jaebeom, while they watched the movies, never once offered him a piece of tangerine, never once tried to hold his hand or kiss him, and just acted indifferently towards him.

‘ _I’m just reading too much into it, that’s all._ ’ Youngjae tried to convince himself once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh no...


	14. Chapter 14

To Youngjae, keeping each other in sight at all times meant always having each other’s back, always looking out for each other, always making sure the other one was happy.

It didn’t mean this.

The New Year had come a while ago now, as well as Jaebeom’s birthday, when Youngjae started to notice some more changes in Jaebeom. They were spending less time together, as Jaebeom was, most of the time, at the studio. When Youngjae managed to be at the studio with Jaebeom, the older would act coldly towards him, even going as far as making fun of him to his friends that worked as producers at JYPE. Even going as far as checking out the SNS profiles of girls, that those friends showed to him, right in front of Youngjae.

But it was fine. It had to be fine.

“Youngjae, don’t give much thought into that. You know I love you. I’m just scared of what their reaction will be like if…when I tell them.” Jaebeom tried to explain, after they returned to the dorm and he realized Youngjae was upset at him for what he’d done – once again – at the studio.

“I’m not worried. You guys were having fun, and I don’t mind making people laugh. Even if they are laughing…at me.” Youngjae tried his best not to show his anger. Being angry wouldn’t accomplish anything, anyway.

“Sorry…I’ll tell them to stop next time. But it’s not that bad, Youngjae.” Jaebeom was rubbing Youngjae’s arm.

“I just hope you still remember the hard times I went through with my vocal training next time you decide to make fun of my voice cracks and bad recording days.”

“Wait.” Jaebeom took out his phone and started dialing a number. Youngjae watched him in panic. What was the other doing? “Hey. It’s me. Look, I was talking to Youngjae and I realized I was a bit harsh with him today with the whole voice crack thing. He’s really upset at me now, and I want to make sure he won’t kill me during the night so…do you think you can apologize to him?” Jaebeom said through the phone, clearly talking to his friend. The answer came through and Jaebeom passed the phone to Youngjae.

Youngjae accepted the call nervously, staring at Jaebeom.”H-hello? Oh…t-thanks. It’s fine, really. Don’t worry about it, Jaebeom is just exaggerating. Alright, goodbye.” Youngjae ended the call and almost threw the phone at Jaebeom. “How dare you?!” he yelled, laughing and trying to suppress how embarrassed he was right now.

“Happy?” Jaebeom asked Youngjae and he nodded. He pulled Youngjae in for a hug and whispered in his ear. “I’m really sorry. I won’t do anything like this again. And about the girls – because I know you’re probably mad at me for that, too – I’ll even let you go through my phone and messages if you want.” Jaebeom said, not really caring about what Youngjae might find out, and just wanting the other to let him be.

“That sounds like you have something to hide, more than anything.” Youngjae chuckled.

“Hey…You’re really difficult…”

“Fine, give me your phone.” Youngjae stepped back and opened his hand. Jaebeom opened his eyes wide but did what Youngjae had said anyway. He didn’t have anything to hide.

He watched Youngjae unlock the phone and open some application. He was a bit shocked when the other put the phone up, posing for a selfie.

“Come on. Do something, too. You only get one shot, though.” Youngjae demanded, his fingers forming a V over his eyes.

Jaebeom stared at him in confusion for a bit, before moving closer to Youngjae and resting his head on Youngjae’s shoulder. Youngjae smiled and clicked on the shutter button. He kept the phone for a few more moments, as he did something with it, before returning it to its owner.

“What did you do?” Jaebeom asked, unlocking the phone and noticing the immediate changes. Youngjae had set their new selfie as his phone background.

“Next time you decide to go check random chicks’ social media, you’ll have to go through that!” Youngjae shouted, before sticking his tongue out.

“Ah, Youngjae! I’ll even delete the stupid account if you want!” Jaebeom stomped his feet, trying to act cute. Damn, Youngjae really knew how to control him. The idea of having Youngjae, his cute roommate, as his background did please him. Even if he didn’t feel as close to him, he still cared a lot for him.

Youngjae giggled. “I’m just messing with you. But don’t change the wallpaper again! I know you used to have a picture of us before!”

“I won’t.” Jaebeom promised, hugging Youngjae again.

 

What Youngjae couldn’t say out loud, what he didn’t even want to tell himself, was that from now on he’d be more cautious. More careful to the things he said and the way he acted around Jaebeom, especially in public. He already had a feeling it was like this, but recently it had become clearer. Jaebeom was actually and honestly embarrassed to like him, to have feelings for him and to show those feelings to those around them. Even if he tried hard to conceal that embarrassment. He couldn’t blame him, though. Who would want to show off something like that, and someone like him, out of all the people he could be with. Besides, before they fell in love, they were groupmates. And maybe that’s how things should’ve stayed.

Maybe all of this was a mistake.

Youngjae was definitely going to step back.

~

The group was off to Japan for their concerts, as well as other activities. Their schedule was so tightly packed they had a hard time figuring out if they’d have time to breathe. Still, it was great seeing their hard work pay off. Getting to perform outside of Korea always made them feel grateful that they had multiple ways to show their talents and their music.

After arriving and checking in the hotel, the manager assigned each of them to their usual roommates. And reminded them to not forget to send to the company the draft for their upcoming collaborations that would be presented in their first world tour.

“Crap. How could we forget about that?” Jaebeom groaned as they started unpacking their essentials, as they’d have a schedule in two hours. “We don’t have anything.”

Youngjae sighed. How could they have anything? They were always busy, and when they weren’t Jaebeom was always in a different studio with his friends. Youngjae couldn’t say he was totally innocent either. He might have made sure to try to keep Jaebeom away from him as often as possible, without the other realizing.

“Let’s just do something now.” Youngjae suggested with a shrug, taking out his music notebook.

Jaebeom agreed and went to get his notebook too. They shared a few ideas, nothing that seemed to make much sense. At least, not at first.

Jaebeom wasn’t dumb. He knew that Youngjae had been trying to drift them apart. He didn’t want that, he really didn’t. But, at the same time, things just weren’t the same anymore.

As much as he wanted to protect Youngjae, as much as he wanted to show his love for him, as much as he wanted to make sure the other was always happy and confident in himself…sometimes he just felt like all of that was too much for him. He didn’t know where his role of a leader to Youngjae ended and where his role as Youngjae’s boyfriend began at times. He wasn’t sure if his feelings were real enough to maintain what they had.

He’d just let it be, for now. For now, and right at that moment, seeing Youngjae focus on their task, trying to think for something that would work for them and show what they could do together, it gave him hope that everything would become better. That they would overcome this. Even if he didn’t really know what _this_ was, has they’d never discussed it or acknowledged it to each other.

He began suggesting lyrics that were similar to the ones Youngjae was suggesting. Youngjae rearranged their suggestions and read what they had so far out loud. Jaebeom felt his eyes sting.

“It’s…perfect.” was all that Jaebeom could say. Once again, he realized how much meaning music held to him. How he and Youngjae could try to fix what was happening by doing something they both loved.

Youngjae began humming, now trying to create the melody for the song.

“I think that’s obviously going to be a ballad.” Jaebeom chuckled, in an attempt to conceal his emotions. He didn’t want Youngjae to see how the lyrics they had written were affecting him right now.

“Wasn’t going for anything other than that.” Youngjae said sternly.

Jaebeom placed a hand on Youngjae’s back, something he hadn’t done in a while. Youngjae didn’t move away. It felt nice, but maybe not as warm as it used to.

Suddenly Youngjae seemed to be heading somewhere with the melody he was creating. Jaebeom darted his attentions at the other’s notebook, taking the melody Youngjae was humming and singing it using the lyrics they had written. Youngjae stared at him for a moment before quickly writing down an improvised music sheet.

“For a draft…I think this is good enough.” Youngjae said after they were done.

“Yeah, I think that will work.” Jaebeom smiled at the other, as Youngjae stared into his eyes. He noticed Youngjae was slowly leaning forward, obviously looking for a kiss.

But they’d have to save it for later. At that exact moment, their manager knocked on their door, announcing it was time to go. Youngjae flinched back.

“We’ll be right there!” Jaebeom announced, as Youngjae took a picture to the lyrics and the music sheet to send to JYPE by e-mail.

When they returned, JYPE informed them that their draft had been approved and they could begin recording the guide and studio version. Youngjae wasn’t thrilled to know he’d have to go to the studio and be alone with Jaebeom and the other producer that would be working with them, as that hadn’t gone well last time. But they didn’t have many parts together anyway, so probably they wouldn’t record together that often.

He was right.

When it was time to record the final version of his part, he was, as always, alone. It was only him and the producer. No Jaebeom at sight.

‘ _So that’s how it is…’_ Youngjae snickered mentally.

“Are you ready?” the producer asked him, opening the door for the recording booth for him.

“Oh…yes. Of course.” Youngjae returned to himself.

He began listening from the beginning – as he always preferred to do – to _1:31 a.m.,_ the title they had given to the song after they finished producing the melody.

Inside the booth, it was just Youngjae and the song. He closed his eyes and sang, feeling all the pain and happiness Jaebeom had given him with every word that came out of his lips, thinking about all the memories they had shared, what was about to be lost, what they weren’t trying to rescue.

“ _I’ll wait for you.”_ Youngjae sang his final part, but it was too much for him to stand at that point. He was, once again, crying.

The producer was silent for a moment before speaking to Youngjae through his microphone.

“Youngjae, I don’t know what’s wrong but…I’m going to keep this one, okay? That’s exactly the feeling we are looking for. You can come out now.”

Youngjae nodded and wiped his tears with his sleeve, as he stepped out from the recording booth. The producer patted his back in comfort and told him he could go now. Youngjae couldn’t speak at the moment, his throat felt like it had completely shut close. He picked up his things and left the studio in a rush. He didn’t know where to go, but at that moment he didn’t want to go back to the dorm.

That’s when he remembered. The right place for him. The rooftop. The only place where he could cry, without having to feel judged. Only this time, there would be no one by his side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sad now T_T just talk to each other you guys!! T_T  
> btw hope you all are as excited for the studio version of 1:31am as i am!!! it was about time they released it!!


	15. Chapter 15

“UGH! I’M DONE WITH THESE BUGS!” the sound of Jackson voice could be heard from across the dorm. “That’s it, Mark. We are leaving this room.”

Youngjae was in the kitchen when he heard Jackson. He didn’t think too much of it first, but when he saw Jackson throwing his things out of the room that he and Mark shared, he knew the other was serious about it this time.

He approached the bedroom door, almost getting hit in the face with a bunch of Jackson hats.

“Ah! Youngjae, sorry!” Jackson ran to him, feeling bad to have almost hit the other.

“It’s fine, I have good reflexes.” Youngjae joked. “Hum…so you’re leaving this room?” he asked, and Jackson nodded. “Hum…so we need to assign new roommates.”

“No…not really, I don’t mind continuing to share the spare room with Mark.” Jackson shrugged.

“Why don’t you go to Jaebeom’s room? He’s the leader, I’m only sleeping there because you know, I had nowhere to sleep when I came here. But now that the manager doesn’t stay here with us and we have the spare room and you know, he’s the leader and all and you have a problem so maybe you should go to his room and I’ll share the other room with Mark.” Youngjae blurted out, almost in one go.

“What?” Jackson chuckled, very confused. “Why would I want to go to your room? And why would you want to stop sharing the room with Jaebeom if you two are together?”

“It’s fine, Jackson. I don’t think he cares much, anyway.” Youngjae shrugged with sadness.

“What are you saying, Youngjae? You guys-”

“Just let me get out of that damn room!” Youngjae stomped his feet, immediately realizing what he’d done. He was getting mad at Jackson, when nothing of this was his fault. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that. I just…I don’t want to talk about it. Just move out your things, I’ll start moving mine too, so you’ll have space.”

Jackson felt stupid for only now realizing that Youngjae and Jaebeom hadn’t been as close lately as they used to be. Well, he had noticed it, he just hadn’t given much thought into it. Now he was seeing that it was something much more serious. He wanted to talk it through with Youngjae but seeing how he had reacted now and how Youngjae always clammed up when they tried to get him to share his feelings, he figured it was probably best to just give Youngjae what he wanted. He didn’t want to possibly separate Jaebeom from Youngjae, but he also didn’t want Youngjae to be suffering. And if staying in the same room as Jaebeom was making him suffer, he’d try to change that.

“Youngjae…if you need to talk…you know I know when to be serious.” Jackson told him as they finished switching rooms.

“Yes, I know. But...I really don’t want to make a scene.”

“Just know that we never were and never will be against you two being together, so if you’re only doing this because you feel like you are damaging the group…”

“The problem is I am. And the biggest problem is that it doesn’t end there. I know I’m hurting him too.”

For some reason, Youngjae didn’t even noticed Jaebeom had entered the dorm at that time, and he also hadn’t noticed how he was standing right behind him the whole time. When he turned around to move to his new room and came face to face with Jaebeom, he just left the other standing there, his mouth slightly parted as he was about to say something to him, something Youngjae preferred not to hear.

He spent the rest of the day locked in his new room, playing a game on his computer and ignoring everything else. Or at least trying to.

~

“We’ll make sure to keep you proud.” Jinyoung was leaning down on Jaebeom’s bed, hugging him, the others watching the two from behind him.

“Yeah, you’ll be with us in no time, anyway.” Bambam tried to convince himself more than anyone else.

“It’s going to suck not having you there…” Yugyeom said with a shaky voice. Everyone looked at him and Jaebeom signaled at him to go give him a hug, as the youngest was now bawling his eyes out. The all followed Yugyeom to hug him too.

“It’s alright, Yugyeom. I’m not going to die.” Jaebeom chuckled. “It’s just a herniated disk.”

“Just that…” Jinyoung mocked him.

“Shut up. Just make sure to do your best and rest properly so you don’t injure yourselves too.” The leader demanded.

“Try…try to visit us if you feel better. For the fans.” Youngjae spoke to Jaebeom, a rare event these days.

“I’ll do that. And you…good luck with our stage. Well, your stage. I’m sure you’ll do amazing on your own.” Jaebeom replied to him, another rare event. Suddenly, everyone started to feel like they were getting in between the two, so they silently made their way out of the room

Jaebeom had just returned from his doctor’s appointment before they headed off to their last practice for the tour. He couldn’t join them, as he needed full rest, no harsh or sudden movements. So, dancing and singing for two to three hours was obviously out of the question.

Youngjae wasn’t expecting that to happen. He might not see Jaebeom the same way he did before in terms of personal feelings – or so he tried hard to tell himself – but as a professional and bandmate, Jaebeom was his leader, and one of the strongest and most talented people he had the honor to meet, along with the other 5 members. How was it possible Jaebeom had to be confined to his bed right on time for their first world tour? How was that fair? How where they going to pull it through? How was he going to perform knowing Jaebeom wasn’t right beside him?

“I thought we had told each other to stay well and not get sick.” Youngjae tried to control his pout, as he began tearing up, as he reminded Jaebeom of the words they had used for their duet. How ironic those words had become now.

“I know…sorry.” Jaebeom replied, almost inaudibly. They stared into each other’s teary eyes, before Youngjae left the room as well.

~

Still, time went by. And so did their first concert. It was very difficult for Youngjae to withstand it.

For the past months, he’d always been away from Jaebeom, avoiding him even. But then, Jaebeom got hurt practicing and was out of the tour for undetermined time and he was left to perform _1:31 a.m._ on his own, as well as having to go through the whole concert being confronted with the empty spot that they had left for Jaebeom during every song. He’d been away from Jaebeom, that was true. But Jaebeom had always been _there_ , healthy and not on the verge of possibly never being able to dance again. Or even stand on stage with them.

Somehow, he had made it through the first day without showing how it hurt, not being able to be with Jaebeom, in more than one way. The second day of the tour, though, didn’t go the same way.

When it was time to go on stage to perform the song that they had made together on his own, knowing Jaebeom was just backstage listening to and watching him, and not where he should be – that place being the chair assigned to Jaebeom – Youngjae knew he wasn’t going to make through the end without crying. And he was right.

It was beyond embarrassing, crying in front of so many people while he was singing what was supposed to simply be a duet between the two main vocals. He apologized to the fans, as he felt like he had completely ruined everything by crying.

The concert was soon nearing its end when it was time for Jaebeom to step out to apologize to the fans for not being able to perform and to say a few words to his members.

As he entered, stiffly from not being able to move his back, Youngjae felt his heart crumble. He went after the members as they went to hug him, giving the other a quick hug as well. There wasn’t much time for greetings, and it hurt too much to see Jaebeom like that, so he just wanted to go away from him as quickly as possible.

Jaebeom finished talking and went back, leaving the members to say their final goodbyes to the fans before the concert ended.

Youngjae kept trying to push the lump on his throat down as we wandered around the huge stage. But the more he tried, the more the images of Jaebeom’s empty chair, of Jaebeom’s empty spot and of Jaebeom entering the stage obviously in pain but hiding it for the sake of the fans and the guys resurfaced his mind. He began crying again. He wanted to run away when he saw Jackson approaching him. No, he didn’t want to be comforted. He wanted to hide and never appear in front of anyone again.

“You guys need each other now, more than ever.” Jackson whispered to his ear before kissing his cheek.

Youngjae chuckled but didn’t reply. He knew he didn’t need to. He was glad Jackson was there for him right now. He wasn’t alone, now he knew that.

Still, it wasn’t that simple. He couldn’t just go running back to Jaebeom. There were just too many things in the way, and he wasn’t sure if he could go back. He suddenly remembered Mark words, how he had told him Jaebeom wouldn’t know the way to him if he took too long, back when Mark spoke in riddles to him. He figured Mark was right. Jaebeom probably didn’t care about him anymore. And that was fine with Youngjae.

He just wished he knew how to be fine without Jaebeom.

**After unexpectedly losing his original roommate, Jaebeom couldn’t say he was surprised. Youngjae had become so different lately, not that he could say he was still the same person as before. Things had just become so stagnant between them, like a routine. So maybe this was for the best. And it’s not like he minded sharing the room with Jackson anyway.

Still, Youngjae and him had been sharing the room for so long. They had found more about each other and themselves inside those walls than anywhere else in the world. How could Youngjae just discard all that over something he wasn’t even sure what it was? Why was the other being like this?

“If you keep thinking that hard and huffing and sighing, I won’t be able to sleep either.” Jackson voice spoke from the upper bed.

“Sorry…I’ll try to sleep now.” Jaebeom was flustered. Right, Jackson was still there.

“Look, I know it’s not my place but you and Youngjae really need to talk. Even if I don’t even know what happened between you two.” Jackson advised the other.

“The problem is…I don’t know what happened either.” Jaebeom sighed once again. “We just…went our own ways. I guess the feelings we had weren’t as strong as I thought.” Jaebeom wasn’t sure why he was venting this to Jackson, but he hadn’t talked about it to anyone, or even acknowledged that he and Youngjae had sort-off broken up.

“Are you sure? I don’t think people just stop having feelings for each other overnight. Especially you two. I mean, it’s normal that things simmer down after a while but…we’ve all seen the way you two look at each other, even now.”

“I don’t know. Guess you could be right.” Jaebeom shrugged, as he began to fall asleep.

“What do you mean? I’m Jackson, I am right.” Jackson joked. “Just don’t be so proud. Try to talk it out with him. He’s probably more confused than you are right now. He’s sees you acting like this, what is he supposed to do?” Jackson pointed out, but he quickly figured out Jaebeom was now sleeping. Or at least he sounded asleep to Jackson.

Jackson shook his head in disbelief and closed his eyes to get some sleep as well. It was incredible to him how two people who talked all the time to everyone else couldn’t find the courage to talk to each other.

In Youngjae’s and Mark’s room, the two roommates were also discussing the recent events surrounding Youngjae and Jaebeom. Since they began rooming together, Mark had been trying to give advice to Youngjae, who was completely clueless as to what to do now, and was finding Mark’s words very helpful, even though he hadn’t put any of them into practice.

“Youngjae…if you keep pilling this up, if you don’t go talk to him first, you’re going to get even more hurt. He’s always been like this. Unless you have a giant arrow that says: ‘You can talk to me!’ pointing at you, he’s not going to do it first.”

“But why? He doesn’t have a problem talking to me about anything else…why does he feel like he can’t talk to me about this? Am I too immature? Or maybe he realized he’s just not into me…which is understandable.” Youngjae blurted out.

“It’s not that, any of it. If anything, he’s the problem here.” Mark tried to reason.

“Honestly, I think he just realized he didn’t like me that way. Even I’m not sure of how I feel anymore…I guess we just became too attached to each other from sharing the room and from always being together and started to mistake our close friendship for something else.” Youngjae confessed sorrowfully.

“Youngjae, people don’t do half of the things you guys did together when they, for some reason, thought they had feelings that weren’t actually there. We all can agree on that.”

“Fine…I’ll…I’ll try to talk to him. And thanks. For listening to me.”

“It’s alright. Don’t want you to be all sad and lost without anyone to comfort you. Also, if Jaebeom says anything stupid that hurts you, I’ll fight him. You just have to tell me!” Mark joked, making Youngjae laugh. He obviously wasn’t going to fight with Jaebeom, but it made him feel better to throw that option out there, just in case.

“I’ll be the referee of the match.” They both giggled. “Ah…really. Thank you, Mark. Had this been during our pre-debut days, I’m not sure if we’d be talking about it right now.” Youngjae said, reminiscing on how things used to be before all of this happened.

“What do you mean?”

“You hated me, right?” Youngjae said, laughing. Mark didn’t reply, and due to that, Youngjae knew he was right.

“I didn’t even remember that anymore, I have to say. But don’t worry, it’s not like that anymore.” He reassured the younger.

“I just want to know why! I don’t think I did anything that offended you back then.”

“Ah…well, when I joined the company, I was one of the oldest trainees, and I didn’t know how to do anything basically. I had to learn everything from scratch. And then you came, and I just felt envious, because I went through all that training and you just passed the audition and they put you in our group immediately.” Mark explained, with a guilty consciousness. He couldn’t see himself thinking something like that about Youngjae.

“You? Envious of me? I think that’s the best compliment you’ve given me!” Youngjae laughed loudly, hiding his face and trying to control himself as he remembered how late it was and how everyone was probably sleeping already.

“I know, I must have been crazy. You can’t even do one cartwheel.” Mark mocked Youngjae playfully.

“Hey…fine, you can’t scream as loud as me. So, I guess we are even.” Youngjae replied.

Mark got up and climbed up to Youngjae’s bed. They began a short, but intense tickle fight, before Mark felt like Youngjae had learnt his lesson. Mark went back to his bed as they wished each other good night and went to sleep. **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor JB T_T those days must have been hard for the boys T_T  
> well as for the story, i have to admit i am excited for the next chapter ;)


	16. Chapter 16

Jaebeom was back. The guys didn’t recall of ever being so happy to see the leader as they were the moment he arrived at the dorm, back from his last doctor’s appointment, at least for a while. He was finally joining them in the tour. He hadn’t been gone for long, but to them it had felt like years. There were 7 of them, and nothing made sense if one was gone.

Even if they wanted to, they couldn’t celebrate forever. There were planes to board, airports and hotels to check in, stages to perform, fans to entertain. And so, off to their next concert they went, now all together.

Youngjae had thought a lot during the time Jaebeom hadn’t been on stage with them. About the group, about his career. About him and Jaebeom, or what they used to be.

He concluded that he was just going to let it be. Let it stay the way it was, even if right now, things between them were extremely weird, mostly due to their lack of communication with each other. But Youngjae figured that if what they had between each other actually meant something to both of them, they would go back to the way things were. Somehow.

He’d also been working on a few songs. Some for the group, some for himself. Some not about him, some about his personal experience. Maybe not all would see the light of the day, but he was hoping most made their way to their albums, or at least to the public in any other way.

Music was, as always, being his closest friend. It felt like writing down his troubles, the way he felt on certain days, or even when he was just trying to break away from the boredom and loneliness that he felt during the long hours he’d been spending on all those hotel rooms, really helped him go through everything and come out a little stronger. He’d never been very confident, or even worried about whether he was confident or not, so seeing himself being able to make a full song on his own was amazing. Being able to create something from nothing was almost addictive.

However, he quickly realized he would need second opinions and people to point him in the right direction with his creations, so he was making sure to send his drafts to producers and lyricists he knew from the company, who were all being kind enough to send him feedback on what he should improve and what he should work on, and also what was already as perfected as it could get.

At that moment, Youngjae was in a hotel room, sending what he hoped would be the final version of a song he’d been working on to a producer he’d been getting closer to. This song was just for himself, he wasn’t going to propose it as a group song, as it was about his very personal experience with had happened between him and Jaebeom recently. Lying down on his bed, he was startled when Jaebeom suddenly jumped to lie down next to him.

“What are you doing?”

“Ah! You scared me!” Youngjae took his hand to his heart, feeling it race. He wasn’t exactly sure if from the scare or if from the person next to him.

Jaebeom chuckled. “Well, sorry. I thought we were sharing the room.”

“Yes…I know.”

He knew, but he hated it. He didn’t want to spend the whole night with Jaebeom, knowing how distant they were. Still, he couldn’t ask the manager to switch rooms. It had already been awkward enough to try to give excuses for the switch of rooms back at the dorm. He wasn’t sure if he was creative enough to come up with another excuse to switch roommates with someone else at the hotels too.

“What is that email then?” Jaebeom asked curiously.

“Nothing much. Just a song I made.” Youngjae shrugged.

“Oh.” Jaebeom nodded. “And you’re asking for feedback? Show it to me, then.”

“Hum…actually I’ve been working on this with him, so I’d rather listen to his advice first.” Youngjae explained, pointing at the producer’s email address.

“Oh. Alright. Well…I’m going to order something to eat and I’ll leave you alone. But before I do that, want to eat anything?” Jaebeom got up from Youngjae’s bed.

Youngjae bit his lip, staring at the screen, as he tried to hold back from crying. Why was Jaebeom always like this now? Always giving up on him…but then worrying about him.

“No. Don’t mind me. Do that, leave me alone.”

Jaebeom almost replied but decided not to. What was the point anymore? Maybe it was just for the best, for Youngjae to keep pushing him away and for him to do the same to the other. Maybe that way their problems wouldn’t start affecting the group. Maybe that way singing _1:31 a.m_. for the rest of the tour wouldn’t hurt as much.

When Youngjae heard the hotel room’s door close, he sighed in relief, allowing his tears to flow down, as he clicked “Send”.

He wasn’t feeling great right then, so he lied down, eventually falling asleep while crying. He wasn’t sure for how long he’d slept before he felt a hand running through his hair, and Jaebeom’s voice calling him.

“Youngjae…wake up. I got you something to eat.”

“Hum? Oh…” he lifted his head up, looking around the room dozily. He noticed the food standing on the nightstand. “Oh.”

“Youngjae…stop crying. I’m not worth it. I feel bad it took you that long to realize how awful I am to everyone around me.” Jaebeom kept caressing Youngjae’s head. “I feel bad I even let you come near me and make you think I could do this. But you must let go now.”

Youngjae really felt like punching Jaebeom at that moment. What the hell was he even saying? Who was he to decide who he accepted feelings from and how he did it?! He clenched his fist, trying to control himself.

“You’re right. How stupid I must have been then. How stupid I am for getting hurt. If I was like you, great and mighty and above everyone else, I probably wouldn’t feel like shit right now. And thanks for the food, I’ll make sure to enjoy it.” He pushed Jaebeom’s hand away, took the plate and began eating. “Oh, and don’t worry, I won’t let this affect your leader role or the group.”

“Youngjae, about that…can we just…stop fighting and ignoring each other? At least-“

“In front of the cameras? That’s fine.” Youngjae shrugged.

Jaebeom sighed. This had gone awfully bad. He didn’t meant half of the things he said, but by seeing how Youngjae had reacted, maybe it was for the best. Maybe Youngjae now had a reason to move on.

He did hope they’d soon go back to being friends, at least. He now knew that there could never be anything above that ever again. _Right?_

‘ _Not like I care anyway. Not like there isn’t anyone else out there for me.’_ Jaebeom thought, knowing there was probably someone out there for him. They just would never even be compareble to Youngjae.

“Oh, and I sent you my song too. I wasn’t sure before, but I’m really glad I did it now. You should listen to it.” Youngjae suddenly spoke, indifferently, munching his dinner and staring at the TV, which he’d just turned on.

Jaebeom looked at him before going to get his computer. He returned to his bed, put his headphones on and downloaded Youngjae’s song.

The song was called _Trauma_. Jaebeom began listening to it, and he was immediately sure the song was about himself. Youngjae had made it quite obvious.

Jaebeom listened to whole song in silence. When it was over, he glanced over at the other. He was still awake, focused on the TV. He cleared his throat before speaking.

“It’s…pretty good.”

“Right?” Youngjae laughed sarcastically.

“Does this mean I can write about what happened too?” Jaebeom asked, purposely trying to provoke Youngjae. He’d already written about their kind-off break up anyway, but Youngjae wouldn’t know that.

“Do what you want. Couldn’t care less.” Youngjae lied. He did care. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to know Jaebeom’s reasons for becoming so distant to him. And Jaebeom obviously knew that was how he felt.

“Fine.” Jaebeom shrugged.

~

Morning arose, which meant they were going to be performing later that day. Jaebeom woke up Youngjae, and the tension between the two as they got ready to head out of the room could be cut with a knife.

“Hurry up.” Jaebeom ordered Youngjae, as the younger finished combing his hair.

“I’m coming. Sorry if I have hair to comb and you take like two seconds to comb yours.” Youngjae replied, mocking Jaebeom for his recent hair problems.

“Shut up.” Jaebeom said sternly, taking the hair comb from Youngjae’s hand and pulling him by his arm to make him sit on his bed. “There. Can we go now, _Rapunzel_?” he mocked Youngjae back after having combed the other’s hair with strength, to make sure Youngjae wouldn’t repeat the joke.

“Sure.” Youngjae replied with a shrug of shoulders.  He wasn’t going to let Jaebeom think he was affected by anything he said or did.

They headed to the door at the same time and placed their hands on the door knob at the same time. Youngjae could swear he felt Jaebeom’s fingers softly caress his’, as they both stared at their hands. He knew the other would be too proud to admit it if he asked him if that was what he’d done. So, he just slapped Jaebeom’s hand away and opened the door himself.

Youngjae went to knock on the manager’s door, to tell him they were ready. There was no answer, so he had to knock again.

“What do you want, Youngjae?” the manager opened the door grumpily. He was obviously still sleeping.

“Jaebeom and I are ready to go.” He replied, slightly confused.

“Go where? I don’t care where you two are going, go take a walk if you want.” The manager scratched his head and yawned.

“To the rehearsal?” Jaebeom asked, standing behind Youngjae. He might or might have not broaden his shoulders when he realized the manager was angry at Youngjae for waking him up, in a way to show him he’d have to go through him first if he wanted to scold Youngjae.

“You never hear anything I say, do you? The rehearsal is before the concert, as always. Not in the morning. You have free schedule until 3p.m.” the manager was chuckling at how ridiculous the situation was and how stubborn the two of them were.

“Oh.” Jaebeom might or might have not made his shoulders normal again. “Oh, alright. Then we’ll…hum…go.”

“Sleep well.” Youngjae whished the manager, bowing down.

They stared at each other after the manager closed the door, before they started laughing.

“That was stupid.” Jaebeom scratched the back of his head.

“Yeah…”

The atmosphere between the two became very awkward then. Neither knew what to do now, and it was quite early, which meant they would have to wait for a long time before the rehearsal began.

“So…should we go back to the room or go do something?” Youngjae asked.

“Hum…I think I’m going to go find a Korean restaurant. I’m starving and don’t want to wake up _Grumpy_ again to go get me food. But…you can do what you want.” Jaebeom told Youngjae.

Youngjae was going to say he’d be going back to the room, but his belly betrayed him right then, by making a loud rumble. “Guess that’s my answer.” He laughed, embarrassed. ‘ _Great. Now I’m stuck with him.’_

They exited the hotel. Security was tight there, so there weren’t any fans outside, which meant they could be more comfortable.

Jaebeom took out his phone to search for Korean restaurants around them. He eventually found one that was just around the corner of the street, so they started heading over there.

“So…nice weather, huh?” he asked, trying to keep the conversation flowing.

“Hum…yeah.” Youngjae shrugged.

Jaebeom’s efforts didn’t work, as they stopped talking right after that. But luck was on his side when they entered the restaurant.

“What are you going to eat?” Youngjae asked him.

“Hum…the crab stew and rice.” Jaebeom shrugged.

“Hello! We want two crab stews with rice and two colas.” Youngjae said to the waitress that was taking their take-out order, feeling thankful he didn’t have to speak in a different language.

Jaebeom couldn’t help but stare at Youngjae fondly. He always looked cute even when he was doing something as simple as ordering food at a restaurant.

The waitress noted down the order and disappeared to the kitchen right after.

They waited a bit for their food, while talking about the news that were being shown on the restaurant’s TV, even though they didn’t really understand what the reporters were saying.

The food was eventually ready, and they returned to the hotel quickly, anxious to dig in. Not the best decision to drink cola right after waking up, but they were going to burn all the calories from that later on at the rehearsal, anyway.

Somehow, they ended up doing a burp contest against each other. Youngjae found it disgustingly weird how a burp contest was the thing that was making them closer at that moment. But he was glad. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t stay mad at Jaebeom forever. So, it was for the best that they started patching up their friendship, at most.

In the end, Jaebeom won the competition.

“A fair result.” Youngjae admitted his defeat.

They giggled, taking the last bites and spoonfuls of their food. Youngjae was slurping the last drops of his stew when Jaebeom suddenly scooted closer to him, rubbing his thumb across the corner of his mouth. The older kept his finger there for a few moments, just staring at Youngjae’s eyes and lips, before he returned to his senses, but not moving his thumb away.

“Sorry, you just had…a little…something there.”

Something they really needed to start working on was their rationality when they were alone together. How could it be that before any of them knew, they were sharing a kiss, that was becoming slightly steamier than the stew they’d just finished?

Jaebeom didn’t want the answer right now. Right now, all his brain could process was how soft and salty Youngjae’s lips were, how he could still taste the stew from his mouth. And how much he’d missed this.

The empty containers that were standing on their laps ended up falling on the floor as they tried to get closer to each other, which startled them and made them retract.

“S-sorry.” Youngjae mumbled, as he got up and ran to the bathroom, closing himself inside.

“Youngjae, wait!” Jaebeom followed him, hitting his face on the bathroom door as Youngjae closed it. “Ow. Youngjae! Look, it’s fine, I’m the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

After a while, the door unlocked and Youngjae stepped out shyly. “But you did. And now I have to deal with it by myself.”

“Youngjae, stop overreacting. It was just a kiss, alright? Don’t need to get all depressed about it. We kissed, it was good, move on.” Jaebeom patted his arm. Probably not the best thing to say, but what the hell was he supposed to reply to that?!

“Fine, you’re right.” Youngjae sighed.

Jaebeom opened his eyes wide. “What? You’re actually agreeing with me for once?”

“What do you mean? I’m always agreeing with you!” Youngjae smacked the other.

Jaebeom chuckled. “Fine, don’t get mad, Youngjae.”

“Alright, alright.” Youngjae shoved Jaebeom away, and went to play a game on his computer, too flustered to say anything else.

Jaebeom stared at him for longer than he realized before Youngjae noticed it and stared back at him, raising an eyebrow. “What?” Youngjae asked him.

“Nothing. Just happy we’re talking normally again.” Jaebeom shrugged.

“I guess…yeah, it’s good.” Youngjae’s words echoed in Jaebeom’s mind, making his heart flutter at the thought that Youngjae was actually considering talking to him as something _good._ Why was he even reacting like that anyway? He was a grown man, who was in control of his emotions.

He decided to just read for a bit while waiting for the rehearsal to begin, trying to take his mind off Youngjae.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh i dont think Trauma is about JB but i wrote that anyway for the sake of the story's coherence hahaha


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp first of all i want to apologize for the sensitive topic in this chapter as it includes a part on that ""party"" at Mark's house :( hopefully it will be fine to read but i understand if you decide to skip the chapter or just that part  
> Also, this chapter needed a lot of editing and i'm still not that happy with it, so i apologize for any mistakes or just uninteresting parts

Why? How could this happen to the group?

Just when things started to seem better, just when they were all healthy once again…Youngjae injured himself.

“It’s the same injury from last time. You’ll have to stop your activities immediately, and I’m admitting you right away for further observation.” The doctor explained to Youngjae, to the manager that was accompanying him and to Jaebeom, who had insisted in coming with them.

“Will it be okay for him to go on stage? They have a concert in a few days.” The manager asked, worried.

“Right now, his health and safety should be the top priority. I definitely don’t recommend any form of physical activity unless it’s being supervised by a physiotherapist.”

Jaebeom stood by Youngjae’s side while the manager went to prepare a bag with his belongings, so he could stay at the hospital more comfortably. There was also a different problem that the manager would have to figure out a way to solve, as Youngjae already had all kinds of schedules with the group planned out, schedules that he would most likely not be able to attent.

“I can’t believe this. I ruined everything…” Youngjae confessed to Jaebeom, as they made their way to Youngjae’s next doctor’s appointment.

“No, you didn’t. Just focus on recovering, and don’t start saying stupid things.” Jaebeom was harsh, but he just didn’t like to hear Youngjae speak like that about himself.

It was difficult for the both of them, but eventually Jaebeom had to leave Youngjae behind, at the hospital, and focus on the upcoming concert. He wasn’t going to disappoint the other by putting on a bad show for the fans.

 

However, he wasn’t expecting to cry when it was time to perform their duet alone. He didn’t want to cry. He didn’t want Youngjae to see it later on, to see that he hadn’t been strong for him. He didn’t want the fans to see him feel so weak and helpless without Youngjae by his side.

He didn’t want to do this without him.

Hiding under his hoodie, he realized how much stronger than him Youngjae was. He’d gone through two performances alone, and only cried once in the end of the last one.

Really, he was pathetic. How could he think he could go on without Youngjae, how could he think he had no more feelings for him when just the thought of Youngjae not being there with him was so painful?

That night, Jaebeom went to bed with a heavy heart. He was finally coming to realize just how awful he had been to Youngjae.

~

Youngjae had been resting and doing therapy diligently, trying to recover as quickly as possible so he could re-join the group and try to finish the tour as healthy as he could.

When the doctors finally gave him the news he’d been so anxiously waiting for, he couldn’t be happier to get out of the hospital – even though he had enjoyed resting and being pampered by all the nurses very much.

Now, he was needed somewhere else. Before he knew, he was boarding on a plane to the United States and checking in the hotel right after.

The members were thrilled to have him back, some of them even shed a few tears, but Youngjae quickly smacked them to stop it as he laughed and made them one hundred percent sure he was fine.

It seemed like everything was back to normal. At last.

They carried on with their United States shows and, having the last concert been at Mark’s hometown, the elder member’s parents had decided to throw a party for the group to celebrate the success of their United States stop and just have fun together as normal boys.

 

Jaebeom and Youngjae were sharing a hotel room, as usual. Jaebeom was getting ready for the party, not paying much attention to Youngjae – as he figured the other was getting ready too.

“Jaebeom, I don’t think I should go. It’s probably not a good idea to go partying after what happened. I might get worse again.” Youngjae suddenly spoke as they were about to head out to Mark’s home.

“Oh…oh, right. Yeah, you’re right.” Jaebeom agreed. “If that’s what you want to do, that’s alright…Hum, do you want me to keep you company?” he proposed.

“Oh, no, no way! You deserve to have fun. I’m just going to stay here and play games anyway. That’s not going to be as fun as that party, I suppose.” Youngjae added. If he had to be honest, playing online games sounded much better to him than to go to a party, even if it was Mark’s.

“Yeah…” Jaebeom agreed again, even though he was now starting to regret having accepted to go.

And did he regret having gone the next day. It turned out Mark’s friends weren’t as fun and nice as they seemed at first. Out of nowhere, there were news about them all over the place, after a few of the LA natives put out pictures and videos of Yugyeom and of Bambam in different contexts, that should have been kept private.

It didn’t take long before JYPE took notice of what had happened, and the group eventually found itself on their way to an emergency meeting with the managers, orders of the president of the company.

Jaebeom didn’t recall ever being this heavily scolded, not even when they were reckless trainees and knew nothing of the entertainment business. But that’s what this was. A business, their livelihood, and they just had their first slip up that was turning into a huge snowball.

The managers blamed mostly him, Bambam and Yugyeom. They didn’t even try to explain the situation, as it was pointless at this point. Bambam and Yugyeom eventually tried to take the blame for the group, but the managers didn’t accept it. There were seven of them, and that meant taking the responsibilities together.

As a first measure to control the situation, the company cut them off of all social media, and stated that all their schedule would be heavily supervised by their managers, not giving them any more information regarding what seemed to be a gloomy future for them.

The meeting ended, and the managers ordered them to go to their respective rooms, as their flight was only a few hours away.

After a silent walk of shame back to their room, Youngjae pondered on everything that had happened, and everything that they had heard so far. Things definitely didn’t look great at the moment, and he was worried about the fractures that this situation could cause inside the group, as he had already noticed some tension between to members in particular.

“I think Jackson is really upset at Mark…you should try to talk to him when you can.” Youngjae pointed out, lying down on his bed and looking over to Jaebeom, who was nervously pacing around their room.

“Youngjae, I honestly don’t care. I don’t want to solve anything, they can solve that between them. Right now, I’m trying to make sense of this in case, you know, they decide to cancel the rest of the tour. Or worse.” Jaebeom spoke harshly to Youngjae.

“Okay…sorry. I’m confused too. I wasn’t even there.” Youngjae pointed out.

“Well, didn’t seem to do you any good, considering they have decided to blame us all instead of trying to help us.” The older was getting angrier.

When Youngjae saw him kicking his suitcase, he knew it was time to step in.

“Jaebeom…” Youngjae said, with the softest voice he could muster at that moment. “You are not alone, okay? Yes, Jackson is mad at Mark, but I’m sure that if they decide to…do something to us, neither is going to let you fix things on your own.” Youngjae had gotten up and was holding the older one’s fingers. “None of us are.”

Jinyoung entered the room at that moment, looking for Jaebeom. He began speaking, knowing Jaebeom would understand his hurry. They needed to find solutions, quickly.

“I tried to talk to the managers, but they aren’t replying. Orders from above, apparently. Already spoke with the rest of the guys. They are fine but…Mark isn’t taking sides, Jackson didn’t take that well and Bambam and Yugyeom are scared that everyone is mad at them or that they’ll kick them out. I don’t think it’s going to get that far, and I think it’s safe to say we aren’t mad at them, which is what I told them already.” Jinyoung explained.

Holding Youngjae’s hand back, Jaebeom felt much calmer to reply rationally. “What would I do without you?”

“You think this is the right time?” Jinyoung didn’t want to but ended up chuckling.

“I think we should all talk. The seven of us.” Youngjae suddenly proposed.

“I don’t think the company will let us do that, Youngjae. They’ll think we are scheming something to save our asses.” Jinyoung told him.

“Youngjae is right. And I don’t care what they think. We obviously need to have a conversation to sort some things out. But it’s probably better to talk back at the dorm.” Jaebeom concluded.

“Alright…I’ll let the guys know then. Well, now excuse me but I must go deal with Mark and Jackson now. By the way, you two still look good together.” Jinyoung winked before closing the bedroom door.

They didn’t understand what Jinyoung was saying until they looked down at their still intertwined hands, letting go as soon they realized it.

“Ah, Park Jinyoung…I’m really thankful to him. But I also really hate him sometimes.” Jaebeom blurted out, slightly embarrassed.

“Yeah…well at least he made us notice what we were doing. Which is good.” Youngjae cleaned his palm on his sweater. It wasn’t sweaty, he just didn’t want to remember that they had just held hands and just wanted to go get some food and forget about everything.

“Youngjae…” Jaebeom tried to get the other’s attention. It worked. “I, hum…just want to let you know something.”

“Go on.” Youngjae shrugged.

“After…we sort this out…I want to…try to solve things between the two us.” Jaebeom finally managed to let those words out. He thought he wouldn’t be able to, but it turned out to be much easier than he expected. Even if maybe this wasn’t the right time to tell Youngjae this.

Youngjae nodded before replying. “Yes. It’s about time we move on.”

“No, no, I mean…really solve things. Not end them. Unless that’s what you want to do. In that case, just get it over with.” Jaebeom blurted out. Youngjae stared at him for a moment.

“I don’t have anything to say, then.” Youngjae replied, certain he had gotten his point across.

What Youngjae had been waiting so long to hear was finally being said by Jaebeom. He wanted to solve things right there and then, but he knew that wouldn’t be wise. They had other things to focus on right now, and their relationship would have to come in second place. It was a bit annoying how Jaebeom had decided to say those words at that moment. But, even though it wasn’t much, at least they had finally admitted out loud how much they still meant to each other.

 

After a moment of awkward silence, Jaebeom noticed Youngjae heading to the door, wearing the t-shirt he’d worn as a pajama. He had no idea where Youngjae was going dressed like that, so he decided to stop him.

“Hey, hey. Where are you going, at a time like this, mister?”

“Oh, I’m just going to eat something at the restaurant…sorry, I should have asked first. I should just order from the phone and not go out, right?” Youngjae felt like an idiot.

“Oh…no, not at all. You need to eat, of course. But…wait a second.” Jaebeom went through his bag, as Youngjae watched him from the door. “Put this on. Don’t wear your pajama to the restaurant, Youngjae.” Jaebeom chuckled, handing Youngjae one of his t-shirts.

Youngjae stared at him and at the t-shirt for a moment, before giggling as he went to grab the clean shirt, so that he could change. “You’re right.”

Jaebeom sat down, trying to look away from Youngjae’s bare back as he took off the top of his pajama to put on his shirt, but he was failing miserably.

So far, he had been quite successful in avoiding being in the same room as Youngjae when they were changing, but there were still times when he just had no way to escape. Either way, both situations were making it very clear to him that he was still very attracted to Youngjae, and obviously not just emotionally.

“Youngjae…” he got up, not even processing his actions, and went to hug Youngjae from the back, making it impossible for the younger to slip his arms through the sleeves.

“W-What are you doing?” Youngjae stuttered, feeling a flutter in his stomach.

“It’s going to be alright…I’ll be here to protect you…” the older sighed, before kissing Youngjae’s shoulder tattoo. He didn’t even know how much he had missed Youngjae’s tattoos until now, especially the one he still hadn’t had the opportunity to run his fingers across and gently kiss.

“Ah…stop that…” Youngjae chuckled, feeling the tickles from Jaebeom’s breath and kisses on his shoulder and from his fingers almost ghosting his stomach. “I want to go eat, not throw up from your cheesiness.”

“Hurry up, then.” Jaebeom let him go, for the sake of both of them. Youngjae wanted to eat, Jaebeom wanted to keep his sanity. And right now, Youngjae was driving him insane.

Still, he really didn’t want to be alone right now, so he would have to let the other go for now, so that he could return and stay. Things weren’t easy at the moment, and just being around Youngjae somehow made everything look better and brighter. But hadn’t it always been that way?

Youngjae finished eating in no time, looking exhausted from all the unexpected attention he found outside of their room. Jaebeom offered Youngjae refuge in his arms silently, and Youngjae silently accepted, lying down next to him, under Jaebeom’s blanket.


	18. Chapter 18

The way back to the dorm had been a living hell. It felt like the whole world was against them. More news kept coming out, and people that didn’t like them already, were taking the opportunity to viciously attack them.

But it didn’t stop there.

The company was disappointing them greatly by not allowing them to apologize, apparently by thinking that keeping silent and ignoring things would simmer things down, and also by simply making Jaebeom take the blame and receive further scolding on his own from now on.

They arrived at the dorm and as soon as Jaebeom dropped his things on his room he was immediately taken by the managers to JYPE’s headquarters for a meeting.

The guys were taken aback. Jinyoung and Jackson tried to convince the managers to let them go with Jaebeom, but they refused. The maknae line was trying to stay calm, sitting together on the couch. Mark was standing in a corner, leaning against the wall.

The front door closed as Jaebeom left them.

“Fucking assholes…” Jackson mumbled under his breath. Jinyoung noticed how upset his friend was and immediately took him into his arms.

“It’s going to be alright, don’t worry. If there’s one of us that can go up against those idiots, it’s him.” Jinyoung comforted the other, before turning around to speak to the rest. “However, I think we can all agree that he shouldn’t be facing this alone. So, I suggest we all take him warmly when he returns and immediately have the group meeting, so we can find a way out of this together.”

One by one, all of them agreed with Jinyoung.

They waited, scattered around the living room, until they heard the sound of the front door buttons being pressed to open the lock. Yugyeom got up and started making his way to the door, followed by Bambam

Jaebeom was looking down and sighing as he entered the dorm, when two pairs of arms suddenly circled him tightly, startling him.

“I’m sorry…” Yugyeom cried, bending down to rest his head on the leader’s shoulder.

“Hey, hey…stop that. It’s alright.” Jaebeom patted his back.

“Guys, come back here so we can talk about this.” Jackson called the two youngest and Jaebeom.

They formed a circle on the living room’s floor. Jaebeom explained to them where they were currently standing. It was basically still the same. They would keep silent about everything, and the company was pondering on releasing or not an official statement. They would be staying at the dorm for the time being. Finally, the tour wasn’t going to be cancelled, and no one would be leaving the group.

Yugyeom sighed in relief, hearing the last sentence.

“Are you crazy? Do you think we’d let you two be expelled?” Jinyoung said sternly. “Who would I bicker with if you weren’t here?!” he added, making Yugyeom giggle through the tears.

“Bam, do you want to apologize to the fans for this?” Jackson asked.

“Of course…but I can’t, Jackson. You know that there’s no way.” Bambam lowered his head.

“There is one way. Just…post a comment on your last post on Instagram, something like that. The company won’t bother to see that, but the fans surely will. I’ll even help you write something.” The older one scooted closer to Bambam, who was looking at Jaebeom, waiting for his approval.

“Do that. It’s better than just staying silent.” Jaebeom spoke.

Youngjae could not move his eyes away from Jaebeom. He really admired at him right now. He was feeling so nervous and scared about everything, but Jaebeom looked confident in his decisions, and he could feel how much Jaebeom trusted them at this moment.

“This is completely insane. I still can’t understand why you are handling this alone.” Jinyoung exhaled, feeling in debt towards Jaebeom.

“It’s alright. Better me than Bambam and Yugyeom having to go there and listen to even half of the things they said. I know I’m not alone and that you guys have my back.”

“That’s right. I do feel that a certain group of people owns us an apology for what they did, though. And Mark, you’re the one in contact with them. Haven’t seen you make any effort to make that happen.” Jackson confessed, still upset by how Mark was acting.

“I don’t see how I should be the one to get an apology. I’m not them, and if you want an apology, go ask for it yourself.” Mark shrugged.

“So that what, they’ll film me and post it all over social media again?” Jackson snarled.

“Guys, guys, stop that. Jackson, what’s done is done. If Mark doesn’t want to make things with his friends awkward for him, that’s his decision. We have to separate business and private life.” Jaebeom said, and Jackson was about to protest, when he continued. “However, Mark I’d appreciate it if next time we’re together, you’ll at least ask your friends to give us some privacy and to not film or take pictures of us doing things that could possibly get us in trouble. They are your friends, not ours. Feel free to invite them to our concert when you have the opportunity to do so, but if they can’t control themselves, I’m just letting you know beforehand that I’ll treat them the way I treat anyone else that I’m not familiar with.”

Jackson nodded, staring at Jaebeom. “Exactly. And I’m not going to your family parties again. Nothing personal, but I think you understand where I’m coming from.”

“Fine, that’s your opinions and your choices. I respect that, and I hope you respect and understand me too.” Mark shrugged.

“Youngjae, you haven’t said anything yet. Have anything to add?” Jinyoung intervened, making Youngjae come out of his stupor as he was still mindlessly staring at Jaebeom.

“What? Oh, me? I…don’t have anything to say. I’m just happy we aren’t turning on each other and are finally fixing things.”

“Alright. Then I think that’s all. If anyone needs to vent you know that you can come to me at any time. But I think we all need to rest now. And don’t worry, everything will go back to normal if we stick together.” Jaebeom concluded, placing his hand in the middle of the circle and calling the guys for their team cry.

They headed off to their rooms after wishing each other goodnight, feeling a bit more relieved now that everyone was on the same page.

As Youngjae moved to his room, he looked back. Jaebeom was doing the same. They exchanged a longing stare between each other. Youngjae missed the other so much right now. He wanted to be certain Jaebeom wasn’t feeling lonely, he wanted to comfort him, even if all he could do was act cute and say silly things to make him laugh. But he knew this wasn’t the time for that. They had promised to each other to fix things after they fixed the current group’s situation.

Youngjae was going to keep that promise. He’d wait for Jaebeom for as long as it took.

~

It seemed that after Bambam’s “secret” apology and after people started moving on with their lives and not paying much attention to the scandal anymore, things began to be easier for them, which was great. They wanted to finish the tour, even if after this things would never completely go back to normal.

The tour was nearing its end as they finished their Hong Kong concert, where they were well received and some of the members even had the opportunity to visit Jackson’s home, which easily became a great memory for them. Besides, seeing his family and his groupmates get along so well made Jackson incredibly happy.

Their morale was higher now, and they became confident they would be able to finish the tour on a good note back in Korea.

The first of the two final concerts went amazingly well, and they couldn’t be more thankful that even after all the injures, the mistakes and regretful things they had done, their true fans were still there, by their side, cheering them on.

But all good things end quickly, and today would be the last concert. They didn’t know what the future held for them, but right now it seemed much more promising than it did a few weeks ago.

The same applied to Youngjae and Jaebeom. Even though they still hadn’t patched things up completely, they both felt that moment was approaching them rather fast.

It felt chilling to perform _1:31a.m._ for the last time, or at least they weren’t certain if there would ever be a next time. Still, it was incredible that even after all those months, the song could still hold so much meaning to them and could still move them to tears.

Both ended the performance crying, but this time Jaebeom didn’t want to hide himself. This time, he wasn’t alone. This time, Youngjae was right there next to him, and he all he wanted was Youngjae to see how he still felt about him. The words they sang still meant everything to him.

 

With that concert being the last for now, it felt like it went by in a matter of seconds. It was like they couldn’t fully grasp every emotion they were feeling at that moment. As quickly as they were opening the concert, they were saying their goodbyes to the fans before going backstage for the last time.

They still had the concert adrenaline rushing through their bodies, so the backstage pictures they usually took with fans, friends and family, that always seemed to last so long, went by much faster. After everything was finally finished and settled, the members went to have dinner with their families, as they hadn’t been together for quite some time now, as well as a large part of the crew that had helped them throughout the months of touring.

Youngjae and Jaebeom were the first ones to go back to the dorm. Their families, unfortunately, could not stay with them for long and would have to return home early in the next morning.

“What a coincidence.” Jaebeom chuckled, as the person that suddenly opened the already closing elevator doors turned out to be Youngjae.

“Oh. Hi, Jaebeom.” Youngjae chuckled.

The elevator ride was silent, and the atmosphere was very awkward. They hesitated as they tried to give passage to the other to exit the elevator, they tried to open the front door at the same time and every time one of them tried to speak the other would speak too.

“Okay, never mind. You go first.” Youngjae gave up and just let Jaebeom speak.

“Wow, we are really stupid.” Jaebeom confessed, making them both laugh. “I just…wanted to tell you that you did really well tonight. Everyone did, of course. But…I’m really proud of you.”

Youngjae was taken aback, not expecting Jaebeom to say something like that. “Oh…thanks. You did great, too.”

The stood in front of each other in silence for a bit, before Jaebeom exhaled determinedly, as he launched himself forward and hugged Youngjae.

They were still both terrible at sharing their feelings towards each other through words. So, a simple hug like this spoke for Jaebeom and made Youngjae rest assured. The feeling was still there. Even after they had thought it was lost.

~

When Jackson arrived at the dorm, the only thing on his mind was his dear bed. After getting ready to go to sleep, he opened the bedroom’s door silently, in case Jaebeom was already asleep.

Jackson came to find he was right. Jaebeom was in fact sleeping. Only, he wasn’t alone.

Right next to him, wrapped around his arms and blanket, was a figure that was obviously none other than Youngjae, who was also sleeping peacefully. Jackson smiled and decided to close the door and let the two have the night and the room for themselves.

Taking the two as an example, he decided to ask Bambam to share the bed with him as the younger passed by him on his way to bed.

“Yugyeom is there, though.” Bambam pointed out.

“I know, Bam. I just want to sleep.” Jackson replied sternly, still making Bambam raise an eyebrow. “Ah…want to sleep here instead?” Jackson pointed at the floor.

“Fine, fine. Let’s go.” Bambam held out his hand for Jackson to take before leading him to his and Yugyeom’s room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> things are finally starting to look better! :)  
> btw i'll have to take a short break from posting as my final exams are coming up...i'll return as soon as i can ^^  
> see you soon and good luck if you happen to also have exams soon <3 or if you just need it for...anything! hahaha


	19. Chapter 19

Youngjae woke up first. Now that he hadn’t been sharing the room with Jaebeom, he didn’t really feel the need to take longer to wake up.

Right, Jaebeom. His former roommate and... it didn’t matter now. What mattered was that Jaebeom was right next to him, he was in Jaebeom’s bed, they had slept in the same bed and…Jaebeom still liked to cuddle Youngjae in his sleep, apparently.

Youngjae knew he’d have to wake up Jaebeom and get out of the bedroom. But this would probably be the last time he would be able to sleep there again, so he just let himself stay for a little longer.

Youngjae didn’t know what the future held for them, and he had also been seriously pondering on something that could make that future even harder to foresee. He hadn’t talked about this to anyone yet, but he and his brother had been thinking about getting an apartment for them. The idea did please Youngjae, a lot. Getting to live with his brother again would be amazing, and not having to share a house with 6 other people would be much more comfortable, even if he loved every single one of the members dearly. Still, these past months had been a nightmare for him. The tension between him and Jaebeom had been affecting the group at the dorm, as everyone could now tell there was something wrong between the two.

So, maybe this would be for the best. Maybe if he and Jaebeom weren’t always trying to avoid each other from spending so much time together, their friendship would improve, and the others wouldn’t have to put up with their problems when they had nothing to do with them. And now that him and Jaebeom seemed to be trying to get on the same page again in terms of their past relationship, this idea could just be what they needed.

But it could not be. And that thought was scary.

Youngjae must have been lost in his thoughts as he didn’t even notice at first that Jaebeom had already woken up as well.

“Oh…hi…” Youngjae whispered. “Guess I should get going.”

Jaebeom watched as Youngjae left hurriedly from his bed. He wanted to tell him to stay just a little longer, but he just allowed the opportunity to go. The time wasn’t right. There were still things they both needed to settle, and even if Youngjae would have accepted to stay, he wasn’t sure if it would lead up to anything. They just had to give each other time and wait for the other one to be ready.

Even if it hurt to have to stay as just friends when what he felt towards Youngjae was beyond any feeling he had ever experienced.

~

They had the next 2 days free of schedule to rest, which wasn’t even close to what they felt like they needed when they had just finished a world tour, but it was better than nothing, so they couldn’t really complain.

It seemed like everyone was enjoying the short vacation in their own ways. Youngjae had finished getting ready and had decided to work on his music at the company’s studios. Jackson, Bambam, Mark and Jaebeom had already left the dorm, and Jinyoung and Yugyeom were in the living room, apparently resting but enthusiastically sharing their thoughts on the last concert.

“Oh, Youngjae! Everything alright?” Jinyoung asked, when he took notice of Youngjae’s presence.

“Yeah, just getting ready to head out. Why?”

“You didn’t sleep in your bed. Jackson had to sleep with us and Jaebeom wouldn’t tell us anything about you sleeping in his room today.” Yugyeom explained.

“Yes, so I’m just asking because I figured maybe there was something going on between you and Mark? He doesn’t think he’s done anything to you but if you have any problem…”

“Oh! No, no! It’s nothing like that!” Youngjae was flustered. How was he going to explain this when even he didn’t know why he’d decided to sleep in Jaebeom’s bed?

“Then…you and Jaebeom finally got your heads checked and went back to each other?” Jinyoung questioned with a cheeky smile.

“I, hum… Jaebeom and I arrived home at the same time last night and we weren’t sleepy, so I decided to show him this game I discovered and ended up falling asleep on his bed. Yeah. That’s…what happened.” Youngjae lied.

Jinyoung wasn’t fooled, but he decided to just drop the subject. If Youngjae wouldn’t tell them what had really happened, he wasn’t going to pressure him. It wasn’t his business anyway, even if he cared for both Youngjae and Jaebeom deeply and just wanted them to be happy.

“Oh…alright, then. Well, you seem to have your plans already so, go on. See you later.”

“See you guys.” Youngjae waved goodbye at them, quickly making his way to the door before Jinyoung decided to ask anything else.

 

Youngjae began making his way to the company, figuring there would be a free studio he could use to continue working on his songs, and that would probably be a much better way to spend the day than to be stuck at home all day with nothing to do.

He passed by an alley next to their dorm that had never struck his attention that much, given the fact that it was an alley and the only things that could be found there were two trashcans, which obviously weren’t something he was interested in.

But when he noticed, from the corner of his eye as he passed by, that someone familiar seemed to be crouching and talking to themselves in that alley, he had to take a few steps back to check if he was seeing things or not. Realizing who it was, he gasped silently and went to hide himself behind the corner of the nearest wall, to get a better look at what he was seeing.

Why was Jaebeom crouching in an alley and talking to himself tenderly?!

Suddenly, Youngjae heard a soft “meow”, and he immediately understood what was happening. Jaebeom wasn’t talking to himself. He was talking to a cat.

He froze in his place, remembering how Jaebeom had to give away his cat because of him and his stupid allergies. He knew how much Jaebeom loved cats, and it didn’t really surprise him that the other would go as far as going on a hunt around the block for stray cats to play with. He couldn’t contain himself at the thought, as it was actually cute how much he liked cats and let out a chuckle that caught Jaebeom’s attention.

Youngjae covered his mouth quickly as he saw the other looking at him, startled.

“Oh! Youngjae, it’s you! What are you doing there?” Jaebeom asked him, not moving away.

“I was just on my way to the company when…I found you. And your…cat?” Youngjae approached the other.

“Oh, it isn’t mine.” Jaebeom shifted to the side a bit to let Youngjae see the kitten. “Don’t come too close, don’t want you sneezing and coughing for the rest of the day.” Jaebeom stopped the other with a hand, and Youngjae complied.

“So cute. Was it abandoned?” Youngjae frowned, after thinking how cruel it would be to abandon that cutie.

“I think so…found it now, actually. I think it’s a girl. Trying to get her to come closer…”

“You should go buy some cat food. She’s probably hungry.” Youngjae added, crouching next to Jaebeom but keeping his distance from the cat.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Maybe she’ll trust me a bit more if I feed her.” Jaebeom got up and Youngjae followed him.

“I’ll go with you and then head to the company. The store is the same way, anyway.” The younger one shrugged with a smile.

“Oh, you’re going to the company. Alright, if that’s fine with you.” Jaebeom said and Youngjae nodded. “Let’s go, then”

They talked a bit more about pets and the differences between cats and dogs on their way to the store, and Youngjae felt even worse for making it impossible for Jaebeom to not only be able to keep Nora with him, but this kitten too. He was really a burdensome nuisance.

Youngjae tried to ignore how he felt, as this kitten’s life was more important right now. He had bought Coco’s food at that store most of the time, so he quickly led them to the Pets’ section.

“I usually buy this brand for Coco, it’s really good.” Youngjae picked up a bag of cat food, ready to head out. But Jaebeom held his arm and pulled him back.

“No. This is what I feed Nora, and it’s the best one.” Jaebeom took the bag Youngjae was holding from his hands and picked up his option.

“This one is easier to close and the food stays fresher for longer. You’re going to keep that in your room open?” Youngjae pointed at the zip lock that the food he’d chosen had and then at the normal bag of cat food Jaebeom had picked up.

“If Nora likes this one, that means it’s the best one. Besides, Coco is a dog, she never tried cat food. How can you know if that food is good?” Jaebeom was getting impatient.

“Jaebeom, it’s a known brand! It wouldn’t be here for sale if cats didn’t like it!” Youngjae was laughing at how ridiculous Jaebeom was being.

“No, no, no. I’m getting this one. It’s decided.” Jaebeom said sternly, making his way to the drinks’ refrigerator as he held on to his selection of cat food.

“Fine.” Youngjae shrugged and followed Jaebeom, not caring too much about the final decision as both options were good, anyway.

“What are you waiting for? Choose a drink and grab two.” The older one ordered, standing in front of the fridge.

“Two? Oh, thanks, but I don’t want anything.” Youngjae refused, shaking his hands.

“Hurry up, will you?” Jaebeom didn’t want to say his change of plans out loud and he was hoping Youngjae would understand on his own. But the other could be really slow sometimes.

“Oh, one for me and one for you?” Youngjae asked and Jaebeom nodded. Youngjae was heading somewhere. “Fine, but I’m only accepting because I’m going to spend the rest of the day at the studio…oh…oh, you want to come with me?”

“Unless you have something planned with someone else already.” Jaebeom shrugged, pretending he didn’t care if Youngjae had, in fact, something planned.

“Oh, no, not at all. It’s just me and the final touches before I show the songs to the producers that are helping me.” Youngjae explained. “Hum…I guess this is fine.” Youngjae took out two cans of the first drink that caught his attention.

“Youngjae, that’s beer.” Jaebeom chuckled.

“Ah, oops.”

“It’s alright, if that’s what you want. If we drink it slowly it should be fine.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to enter our workplace with alcohol.” Youngjae said.

“Well, you’re the one who chose it. Besides, I don’t really care what they think. And I don’t think they care if we have beer either. Come on now, before the cat runs away to another alley or something.”

Youngjae felt a bit embarrassed for having chosen beer and took a mental note to properly look at the options in front of him next time he had to choose something to drink with Jaebeom.

He offered to pay for their items, and in return Jaebeom bought a few snacks to go with their beer. They quickly went back to the alley where they had met each other earlier and Jaebeom sighed in relief when he found the cat to still be there, hiding between the trashcans. Jaebeom didn’t have anything nearby that would do as a container to hold the food in, so he just tried to feed the cat from his hand. He approached it gently, holding a portion and letting the cat take its time. Youngjae was nervously watching from the corner, as he didn’t know how the cat would react.

“She’s eating.” Jaebeom whispered at Youngjae.

“That’s good!” Youngjae replied, trying to not be too loud so he wouldn’t scare the cat away.

After the cat stopped eating, Jaebeom left a little pile of food near her in case he couldn’t return soon. He rejoined Youngjae before they started making their way to JYPE’s headquarters.

“Don’t worry. Soon you won’t have to worry about my allergies anymore and you can have all the cats you want.” Youngjae suddenly said with a chuckle, as they weren’t talking, and he knew Jaebeom was probably thinking about what he could do for the cat.

Jaebeom raised an eyebrow at the other. “What the hell do you mean, Youngjae?”

“It’s nothing. Nothing very important, at least.” Youngjae tried to shrug it off but Jaebeom wasn’t having it.

“No, you can’t say something like that and then try to tell me it’s nothing. What’s going on?” Jaebeom stopped them, making Youngjae flustered.

“Ah…come on.” Youngjae pulled the other’s sleeve so they could continue walking. He didn’t want to cause a scene outside. “It’s no big deal…I’m just…considering moving out. Of the dorm.”

Jaebeom halted his step again and let the cat food fall on the ground. Had he listened to Youngjae and gone with the younger’s choice, half of the package wouldn’t be spilt all over the pavement now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone! hope your holidays are going well! :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a short and fluffy chapter (i tried to make it fluffly at least)  
> i'll try to update daily from now on as the story is almost over :)

They picked up the mess with their hands, Jaebeom not saying a word at Youngjae and shushing him every time the other tried to speak. This didn’t make any sense. Was Youngjae that desperate to get rid of him?

“Can you just listen to me? Use the groceries bag to put the food that fell inside so you don’t have to mix it with the clean food!” Youngjae said loudly. Jaebeom might be the leader, but that didn’t give him any right to silence him when he was just trying to help. Jaebeom grunted but followed Youngjae’s advice.

When they were done, Jaebeom dropped the bag in the trash, before they kept walking to the company, still not talking to each other. Youngjae was struggling to carry the beer and the snacks on his arms, now that he didn’t have a bag. Just why had Jaebeom bought so much crap?

They arrived, and one of the producers they were friends with was on his way out. Jaebeom asked him if the studio he’d been using was free now, and the producer told them it was, and wasn’t going to be used for the rest of the day so he figured they could use it.

~

“I’m going to go wash my hands first.” Jaebeom spoke to Youngjae at last as they dropped their things off at the free studio, obviously telling Youngjae to go wash his hands too, in his Jaebeom way.

The trip to the bathroom didn’t take long, and soon they were back. Youngjae could see how tense Jaebeom was, but he had to admit the other was being unfair, as he hadn’t given him an opportunity to explain himself yet.

“Jaebeom…” he tried to begin.

“I just don’t understand, Youngjae. I let you know how I still felt, I let you move out of the room, so you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable…and now you want to move out of the whole dorm. Am I that awful? Are you going to just leave the group next time you feel like you don’t want to be near me?” Jaebeom wasn’t even angry at the other. He was simply taken aback, not really sure how to react.

Youngjae was silent for a bit. Suddenly, it felt like moving out was really the best decision he could make. “I think this is exactly why I should do this. You don’t know how it hurts to see you trying your best to ignore me, but then this is what you have to say to me when I try to fix things. You’re blaming yourself for a decision that I made, along with my brother.” Youngjae wasn’t even sure how he was saying these things to Jaebeom.

“Your brother? ...You’re going to be living with him?”

“Yes…that’s how this whole thing started. He wants to move over here. There are more work opportunities for him here than back home. At first…I just offered to help him…but then…” Youngjae sank down on the couch. He really hated to talk about what had happened. “I just don’t think this, us, is going to work if we are always together. I just need space for myself, a place to think…and I miss him a lot too, you know? And besides…today I think I found another reason as to why this is a good idea.” Youngjae explained.

“The cats?” Jaebeom asked and the other nodded. Jaebeom sighed and went to sit down next to Youngjae. “You know you mean way more to me than any cat but…if this is what you want to do. I’ll help you in any way I can.”

Youngjae straighten his back, his eyes opened wide in shock. Im Jaebeom was letting him go forward with moving out? “Are you serious?”

“I don’t think you’ll be the only one moving out in the future, anyway. Besides, I can’t really forbid you to leave the dorm, Youngjae.” Jaebeom shrugged.

Youngjae launched himself forward to hug Jaebeom, who immediately accepted the hug. “You’re really the best, the greatest leader to have ever existed.” Youngjae tried to be serious, but Jaebeom saw right through him.

“You’re becoming a good liar.” He replied, as Youngjae started to laugh from getting caught, making him laugh too. “Let’s stop now and get to work.”

“Ah…yes.” Youngjae agreed, regaining his breath.

The two lost track of the time, as they spent the whole day showing each other the lyrics and songs they had been making, and explaining the meanings behind each song, although some songs didn’t need an explanation as they were about them and what they had been through. It did feel consoling and relieving to see the story from the other side. It was really sinking in Jaebeom’s head just how much he had hurt Youngjae by pushing him away first, and Youngjae started to understand that, even if it had hurt him, putting a wall between them had been just as difficult and confusing for Jaebeom as it had been for him.

“Oh…Jaebeom, it’s late. We should get going.” Youngjae pointed at the clock, before getting up to go grab his belongings.

Jaebeom turned around in his chair. “Hum…let’s just stay a little longer. Look, we didn’t even open these.” He said, getting up and picking up a few snacks.

“Fine…we have nothing to do tomorrow anyway. Although, this would be way more fun with everyone here.” Youngjae sighed.

“Oh. That’s a good idea. Ask them if they are all home in our group chat.” Jaebeom ordered and Youngjae complied in confusion. “Let’s go, we need a lot more beers if we are going to drink with them.”

“Oh! Of course!” Youngjae happily texted the guys, following Jaebeom out of the company as they headed to the grocery store where they had been at earlier that day.

After Youngjae got a confirmation from Mark that everyone was at the dorm watching TV, he told the oldest about his and Jaebeom’s plan, which was enthusiastically received by everyone as Youngjae’s notifications from their group chat wouldn’t stop coming.

They got the beers and a few more snacks, and quickly headed home. The first thing they did was split the groceries store bill by everyone and text their manager for permission to drink at the dorm, as they didn’t want to get in trouble again. Given the fact that they had always behaved themselves, the manager told them to go ahead and have fun and to remember to be responsible.

The group formed a circle around the living room before opening a can of beer each to toast together. The conversation began to flow naturally, as they started to feel the gentle influence of the alcohol that somehow made talking easier, even if they never had any problem talking to each other about even the most random of things.

Noticing that he was being carefully watched by a certain someone who was sitting in front of him, Youngjae was trying hard to focus on the problem Yugyeom was sharing on how he’d appreciate if Jinyoung didn’t smack him so hard when he wasn’t even doing anything to him, to which Jinyoung chuckled and replied he wouldn’t learn his lesson if he didn’t do that, following a playfully intense argument between Yugyeom and Bambam who felt that the older members just liked to taunt them, and Jinyoung and Jackson who argued that they weren’t saints either.

He was laughing at the ridiculous things they were saying, and even stepped in to defend his line, but the two youngest and the two older guys ended up both turning on him since he was always smacking them and screaming in their ears. He eventually gave up when he had no more arguments to present, and when Jaebeom’s staring was starting to make him too flustered.

He decided to reach for his favorite snack, trying to distract himself, but Jaebeom reached for it first, taking one and opening it before giving it to Youngjae.

“Oh…thanks.” Youngjae blankly stared at the package before taking it.

The rest of the night went amazingly well, even if Youngjae noticed Jaebeom staring at him a few more times, before the conversation really started to get interesting and everyone was participating, sharing their thoughts on the group, their friendship, the tour, the company, amongst other things.

Someone suddenly pointed out that they had drank enough for one night, and even if it was just beer, everyone agreed.

“It’s pretty late too. Should we just all sleep here?” Bambam suggested.

“That would be cool!” Youngjae excitedly agreed.

“Then you two go and get blankets and pillows for everyone.” Mark ordered sternly, making Jinyoung snicker.

Bambam sighed and eventually agreed, after Youngjae left his seat in a rush as he didn’t really care about the unfairness of being ordered around by the older ones when he was just happy they were all going to sleep in the same room after an awesome night. Fine, maybe he was just a bit drunk and wasn’t thinking that straight.

The blankets and pillows arrived quickly, and Youngjae was even kind enough to bring two blankets for each of them so they could use one as a mattress. He and Bambam went around the circle, distributing the improvised beds before they went back to their spots.

“Let me do that. You take too long.” Jaebeom suddenly spoke from Youngjae’s side, taking his pillow and blankets from his arm to make Youngjae’s bed for him. Youngjae was a bit taken aback, even more when he glanced at Jaebeom’s spot and the older hadn’t even made his own bed yet.

Youngjae stuttered something, but he couldn’t even try to say what was on his mind. Jaebeom went back to his side of the circle as quickly as he appeared, leaving behind a well-prepared bed.

“Wah…That’s favoritism…I went to get the pillows for everyone and no one made the bed for me.” Bambam joked.

“Bambam, let’s go to sleep now.” Jaebeom demanded in a falsely sweet tone of voice.

Everyone got comfortable, and most of them fell asleep quickly. Youngjae started to hear gentle breathing and a few snores here and there, but he was having a hard time closing his eyes and kept rustling in his bed, even when he’d drank a personal record of 3 beers that night. Suddenly, he heard some rustling. At first, he thought it was just one of the guys turning around in his sleep, but the source of the sound wouldn’t stop and worse, it was getting closer to him.

He felt someone moving behind him, dropping their pillow and blankets on the floor. He was about to turn around to identify who it was that had decided to change his sleeping spot, but when he felt two hands sneaking under his blanket and searching for his waist before two arms hugged him, even knew exactly who it was.

“Try to rest now, Youngjae.” Jaebeom whispered, before placing a soft kiss behind Youngjae’s ear.

Youngjae couldn’t contain his happiness at that moment, and started giggling, making Jaebeom do the same before the older shushed him or they might wake someone up. Youngjae nodded, as he made himself comfortable in Jaebeom’s arms, shifting himself closer to the other. Soon, he was sleeping like a baby.


	21. Chapter 21

“I didn’t even notice him move and he was right next to me!” Jinyoung said.

“Do you think they…?” Jackson wiggled his eyebrows, clearly interested.

“Ew! No! I was sleeping next to Youngjae…I think I would have noticed if they…had done something!” Yugyeom was freaking out.

“Guys, be quiet, you’re going to wake them up.” Mark reminded them calmly.

“No need to be so worried. You already woke me up. Any problems?” Jaebeom spoke, sitting up to have a better look at everyone who was making comments about him and Youngjae.

Jinyoung, Jackson and Yugyeom exchanged stares between each other before Jinyoung replied “No, nothing.”, as he followed the other two, who had already escaped to the kitchen.

Bambam and Mark began cleaning up the mess they had left on the floor the previous night, as Jaebeom began waking up Youngjae.

“Come on, it’s time to get up. Did you sleep well? What do you want for breakfast?” Jaebeom asked the younger, smiling at him and combing Youngjae’s fringe away from his eyes.

“Hum, yeah…and anything is fine…” Youngjae exhaled, trying his best to keep his eyes open for more than three seconds.

“So, did they get married and didn’t tell us?” Bambam whispered at Mark, tapping his arm and pointing at the scene next to them. From that angle, Jaebeom and Youngjae really looked like a married couple. Mark grinned, looking at the two and shaking his head in disbelief.

Jaebeom was clearly oblivious at Bambam’s comments, otherwise he wouldn’t have gotten up to head to the kitchen so happily and would have gone to smack him instead.

He’d always loved preparing breakfast for Youngjae. He didn’t know why, but he’d assumed it was because of how adorable Youngjae looked when he was eating, especially when it was something that he had prepared for the other. They didn’t have much to eat so he just prepared a bowl of cereal and quickly carried it to Youngjae, along with a glass of juice.

“Youngjae, you have to sit up now.” Jaebeom said, balancing the cup and the bowl as he sat down next to Youngjae.

Youngjae groaned before doing as he was told. Feeling his eyelids heavy and his head aching, he wasn’t so sure if drinking beer had been such a great idea after all. He took the food from Jaebeom’s hands and began eating.

Jaebeom ruffled his hair before getting up again and going to get ready to head out. Youngjae helped Jinyoung and Jackson put the pillows and blankets back in their places after he was done eating, before heading to the bathroom to take a shower, to see if that helped lowering the pain from the stupid headache he had.

As he entered the shower, he heard Jaebeom’s voice from outside, telling everyone he’d be right back, followed by the sound of the front door closing.

Right at that moment, it began to sink in Youngjae’s head just what had happened between him and Jaebeom in the last 24 hours. He’d woken up in Jaebeom’s bed, he’d basically adopted another pet with him, they had fought and then had made up, he’d told him about his plans of moving out, and then after they had the idea of spending the night talking with the group, they had slept together again.

If before it hurt to just think about something related to Jaebeom, now everything felt like it used to. Just the simplest thought that involved the other made his heart warm and fuzzy. But he knew. He had to control his feelings for now. He knew that Jaebeom, most likely, felt the same way as he did, but he couldn’t just run back to him. There were still things Youngjae needed to understand, about them and about himself. He didn’t want to get hurt again, and he didn’t want to possibly hurt Jaebeom by fixing things between them before he himself was fixed.

But what if all he needed was to know that the other was still in love with him? Then what?

 

Now cleaner but still with a headache, he decided to just enjoy his free day reviewing his music notebook, to see what needed to be corrected or erased and what ideas he could pursue, in an attempt to get his mind off of his problems.

But when he opened his bedroom door, Youngjae was faced with a harsh reality. The pile of laundry from the clothes he’d brought with him while on tour and that still hadn’t been washed, as the lady that cleaned their dorm would only go there on the following week.

Yes, he had already noticed it when he went to get a change of clothes before showering, but when he went to add the clothes he’d been in and even slept in the previous day, he realized the pile was starting to get out of control and he’d be left with no washed clothes soon. He tried to organize and separate the clothes in colors, but he’d never really understand how that worked. Besides, it was beyond boring.

He was at the verge of a meltdown when Jaebeom suddenly knocked on the door to warn Youngjae he was coming in.

“Here. I know you aren’t very used to drinking so I got you this.” Jaebeom said indifferently, handing Youngjae a bag that contained a hangover drink inside.

“Oh…it’s exactly what I needed…” Youngjae stared at the bottle in awe. Was Jaebeom a mind-reader?

“What’s that mess you’ve got going on there?” Jaebeom chuckled, pointing at Youngjae’s clothes that were spread all over the floor.

“I’m doing my laundry…or at least trying to.” Youngjae sighed, before taking a sip of the drink Jaebeom had bought for him.

Without a word, Jaebeom scooted over next to Youngjae, placing a hand on his own back as he sat down clumsily, before taking a pile of dark clothes, throwing a few pieces that were too light to be in that pile and finding a few darker items to add to the pile he was holding.

Youngjae stared at the older one as he kept drinking, the image of the other having to support his back to sit down showing up on his mind repeatedly. Right, Jaebeom had slept on the floor.

“Is your back okay?” he asked, slightly worried and ashamed at himself because of how Jaebeom was always taking care of him, but he sucked at taking care of Jaebeom. “I can…do a massage. Or something.” He proposed, not really filtering his words before speaking.

“That’s fine. Now, follow me and see if you learn something useful for once.” Jaebeom nudged Youngjae, as he got up, and the latter did as he was told, unsure of Jaebeom’s answer, but figuring he had refused.

They moved to the washing machine and Jaebeom explained to Youngjae the amount of soap and fabric softener needed, and the program that Youngjae should use.

“Now you do it. I’ll stay back here watching you to see if you’re doing it right.” Jaebeom handed Youngjae his clothes and stepped behind him, maybe a bit too close but Youngjae didn’t seem to be minding.

Youngjae might or might not have done a few steps wrong just so that Jaebeom would correct him, and he might or might not have felt thrilled when Jaebeom circled his arms around him to hold his hands and drop the correct amount of softener and chose the right temperature.

“It’s not that hard after all!” he said excitedly after turning around, as he had successfully started the washing machine with Jaebeom’s help.

“I know you’re not going to do this again so just drop the rest of the clothes here and I’ll wash them for you.” Jaebeom poked the younger’s side, as he knew Youngjae well.

Youngjae was biting his own lip in embarrassment for having been exposed so easily, and his mind became complete mush when he suddenly locked eyes with Jaebeom.

He missed him so badly, he missed being able to kiss him whenever he felt like it. Before either of them could tell, Youngjae was pulling the other towards him by his shirt, squished between the washing machine and Jaebeom, their lips millimeters away from touching.

“Go get your clothes before they start seeing things where they don’t exist.” Jaebeom said in a low voice, stepping back.

“Oh, right!” Youngjae laughed, trying to make the situation look as normal as possible, before he basically ran to his bedroom to get the rest of the clothes, dropping them near the washing machine and going back to his bedroom.

Right now, he didn’t want to look at the older. What was he thinking? Being so nice to him, and then refusing him when Youngjae tried to kiss him? Youngjae felt so wronged right now. Here he was, trying his best to go back to the way things were, thinking Jaebeom was doing the same. But obviously, he wasn’t. Maybe Jaebeom was just enjoying this, playing with his emotions and having fun with Youngjae without the consequences of having feelings for him. Maybe that’s all he had been doing these past years.

Exhaling once, Youngjae grabbed his laptop and went to his bed to play a game, trying to forget how annoying Jaebeom was.

“Youngjae, your clothes are drying. What do you want to wash next?” and speaking, or thinking, of the devil, there was Jaebeom, standing in front of his bedroom door. After about an hour of Youngjae trying to stop thinking about him. “You were playing a game this whole time?” Jaebeom stared at Youngjae, who was on his bed and was in fact on his computer, only he wasn’t playing any game as his thoughts got in the way.

“I’ll do the rest later.” Youngjae whined.

“We both know that’s not true, so just pause the game, give me your clothes like I told you to do earlier and I’ll leave you alone.” Jaebeom crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame.

“It’s that pile in front of you.” Youngjae mumbled, pretending he was focusing on his game and trying to ignore Jaebeom as much as possible.

 “Tsk tsk. I’m so kind to you and this is how you treat me. I’m hurt, you know? But…I’ll only leave you alone after you repay me.” Jaebeom crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame.

“Wah…Lim Jaebeom has feelings after all.” Youngjae snickered.

“Well I was promised a massage by none other than yourself, so I was doing you this favor so that we’d be even.”

“But…I didn’t give you any massage.” Youngjae said confused, and as Jaebeom raised his eyebrows at him, he understood what the other was talking about. “Ah, seriously! I didn’t even mean that!” Youngjae closed his laptop, officially giving up on his game, as he stepped down from his bed.

“A promise is a promise. Plus, I really need a massage.” Jaebeom said before leaning in to whisper something to Youngjae. “That’s why I didn’t want to accept your other way of payment.”

Youngjae opened his eyes wide, as the very recent memory of his refused kiss replayed on his head. “Yah!” He shouted, pushing Jaebeom away, feeling his ears redden.

“Yah? Who do you think you’re talking to, mister? Eh? Eh?” Jaebeom said, giggling as he caught Youngjae in his arms to tickle and bite him for being rude to him.

“Ah, fine, fine! Stop it, I’m sorry!” Youngjae apologized between his laughter. Jaebeom seemed to accept it, as he let go of him, making it easier for Youngjae to breathe.

“So, where do I lie down?” Jaebeom asked, obviously ready for his massage.

“Ugh…there’s only one option. The floor.” Youngjae said, dully.

“Hum…alright, I guess the floor is fine too.” Jaebeom shrugged, lying down on his stomach after glancing to the upper part of the bunkbed.

“What? No way, I’m not letting you on my bed. Someone might come in and _see things where they don’t exist._ ” Youngjae mocked Jaebeom, who didn’t reply. Youngjae smirked for having succeeded his little vengeance. “Well, here I go, then.” Youngjae said, before sitting on Jaebeom’s back to begin his massage.

They massaged each other and the others all the time during practice, so this wasn’t the first time they did this. However, it was the first time they were doing it at home. It felt a bit weird at first, but as Youngjae put himself in Jaebeom’s shoes, remembering how his back used to hurt as well, he decided to put his best effort in this massage. He had been lucky to have had a smooth and speedy recovery. Jaebeom, not so much. Besides, he knew how Jaebeom was stupid enough to hide his pain from everyone when he was injured.

“Has it been hurting lately?” Youngjae asked, hoping Jaebeom would be honest with him.

“A bit, actually…but don’t worry, alright? I’m going to keep being careful, and exercise and stretch well every day.” Jaebeom replied, starting to feel sleepy from Youngjae’s relaxing massage.

“I’ll help you, if you want.” Youngjae proposed, feeling happy that Jaebeom really had been honest with him.

“Yeah, I’d like that. Especially…if you want to massage my back…more often.” Jaebeom was trying his best not to fall asleep.

“Are my massaging skills that good?” Youngjae chuckled, and Jaebeom hummed in response. “You’re obviously going to fall asleep, so I’ll just keep going and let you rest.”

Youngjae continued massaging the older gently, giving special attention to the area were Jaebeom had injured himself. He stared at the side of Jaebeom’s face that was visible and felt his heart warm up and the butterflies fly around his stomach. Unconsciously, his index finger began tracing Jaebeom’s upper lip, then the bottom one, before he just left his thumb mindlessly caressing the corner of the other’s mouth.

“Youngjae? What are you doing?” Jaebeom’s husky voice spoke, as he propped himself up with one hand, and held Youngjae’s hand with the other.

“OH! Sorry! Sorry, I don’t know what I was doing!” Youngjae jumped backwards, away from Jaebeom.

The older one chuckled, before getting up and heading towards Youngjae, grabbing and pulling him in for a hug, as he rested his head on Youngjae’s shoulder. “It’s alright. I’m just upset you woke me up.” He chuckled.

“How’s your back now?” was all that Youngjae managed to say, as his arms circled the other too.

“I feel great.” Jaebeom replied, before taking a deep breath. He had something to tell Youngjae, something he wanted to tell him, so Youngjae could help him before it was too late. “Actually, no. I’m not great.”

“Oh…what’s wrong?” Youngjae pulled them apart just enough to have a look at Jaebeom’s face, scared that he’d see the other in pain. But no. He seemed normal. He was just…looking very determined?

“Can’t you see what you’re doing to me, Youngjae? We’re giving each other space but we can’t be apart for that long…” Jaebeom whispered, closing his eyes and going for Youngjae’s lips.

All Youngjae could think of was how wrong this was, especially when they were right by the door that was still open, and everyone was home. He tried to break the kiss, but when Jaebeom held him closer with one arm, and closed the door with the other, before sweeping him up from the floor, holding his legs and pushing them against the wall, he let himself go.

He adjusted himself against the other, holding on tightly to his neck, as they deepened the kiss. It didn’t take long before he felt Jaebeom rolling his hips against his, making Youngjae let out almost silent moans into the other’s mouth, as he let his legs drop down.

“What if someone comes in?” Youngjae broke the kiss, his rationality finally taking over him again.

“He’ll walk back out.” Jaebeom replied bluntly before taking the other’s lips again.

“W-wait.” Youngjae flinched back, and Jaebeom froze, before exhaling and letting him go. “It’s not that…I don’t want this…I do, very much, but…I just think we need to talk first…”

Jaebeom chuckled. “You? Wanting to talk? Do you have a fever or something? Let me check.” He playfully reached for Youngjae’s forehead, but the younger just smacked his hand away, unamused. “I’m sorry, Youngjae, I’m just surprised. You never want to talk about anything. But…alright. Let’s sit down first.”

Taking Youngjae’s hand, Jaebeom led them to Mark’s bed, anxiously waiting to hear what Youngjae had to tell him. He watched Youngjae fidgeting and trying to get his words and thoughts in order. He looked so helpless and lost, and Jaebeom couldn’t bear to see him like that, so he held on to Youngjae’s hand more firmly while looking into his eyes, trying to tell him it was okay.

Whatever it was he wanted to say he’d be there to hear and understand. Youngjae seemed to relax at that moment, as he exhaled and began speaking, at last.

“I’m just…so confused. I want to be with you, but then I remember how hard it is to hide, to always be scared that we’ll be caught and expelled from the company and the group and how we could ruin everything, our careers and theirs and…how you…you out of all people, pushed me away and didn’t want to be with me after we had finally accepted each other, and you made me see I was right, that we could never work, and I should have just moved on…but I can’t.” Youngjae frowned, although feeling a bit relieved he’d finally let it all out.

“Do you think I can?” Jaebeom replied, his voice thick as he felt his eyes stinging. What else could he do when he was constantly being reminded of the giant piece of crap he’d been when he for some reason thought he didn’t love Youngjae anymore. “Damn it, Youngjae. Why do you always think you can’t talk to me? Do you think I’d ever want to put your career at risk, or go so far that we’d get exposed?” Jaebeom was probably being a little harsher than needed, but it was simply because he was afraid of how long Youngjae had been bottling up his feelings. And knowing Youngjae, he knew it probably had been for too long.

“I did talk to Mark…not about everything…sometimes there are just things I don’t feel comfortable talking about. You know that. And I know you wouldn’t do that, but I’m still scared.”

“So…what can I do to not make you feel uncomfortable and scared?” Jaebeom shrugged, a bit hurt that no matter how much he tried, Youngjae still didn’t trust him.

“Agh, that’s not what I’m saying! Let’s just…start again. Slowly. Don’t you think we might have rushed ourselves before? I’m always thinking about that…”

That was it. That was all Jaebeom wanted to hear. “If that’s what you want, I’m more than happy to wait and let you take your time. I just want to know if this means…”

“You know what I mean.” Youngjae was a bit flustered to say it out loud, but when Jaebeom gave him the grossest – in reality, the cutest – puppy eyes, he just let him have his way. “Yes, I’m all yours!”

“Ah! Come here!” Jaebeom squealed, throwing himself on top of Youngjae, hugging him and kissing him everywhere he could, making Youngjae laugh.

“Hey, hey, calm down! You didn’t listen to anything I said!” Youngjae laughed, trying to breathe and speak at the same time.

“I did, but I think we can make an exception. Youngjae…you don’t need to be so alert when we’re alone. It’s fine with me to not be so…obvious that I’m head over heels over you when we’re in public. But you’re already sleeping in a different room, thinking about moving out…I’m sure you missed me as much as I missed you, no?”

“Ah, you’re so weird!” Youngjae smacked the other, blushing and still laughing. Jaebeom was the greasiest person he knew. “But fine…fine, you’re right.” He agreed, poking his tongue out.

“Speaking of bedrooms, Jackson wants to start sleeping in Bambam’s room again…I’m sure Mark wouldn’t mind having the room for himself…” Jaebeom said, looking uninterested.

“No way. I’m not going to that room. It’s too hot in there.” Youngjae caught up to Jaebeom’s plan quickly. “And I still want to take some things slowly. We’re always together, anyway.”

“Alright…but think about it, okay?” Jaebeom asked with a sigh, resting his head on Youngjae’s chest after he confirmed that Youngjae had agreed to reconsider going back to their bedroom with a nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> at last! ^^


	22. Chapter 22

The group had recently started to gear up for their comeback. They already had all the tracks for the album chosen, the title song included, and now they just had to work on the details, re-record a few parts here and there and decide the order of the set list.

All the members were participating this time, with lyrics and composing, and that was something that made everyone extremely proud, of each other and of how far they had come.

Due to the short period of time they had before the album was coming out, their schedules were all over the place and completely packed, with individual and group schedules in Korea and Japan, album preparations and their new group show pre-recording, along with other recordings.

Jaebeom had recently returned from a brief family trip, and immediately got back on track with the preparations, heading to the company as soon as he unpacked.

He had to admit that he was extremely excited to see Youngjae again, even if he hadn’t been away for that long. For the few days he was away, he and Youngjae had been constantly texting back and forth, and Jaebeom’s song playlist consisted of nothing but songs made by Youngjae, including the songs that hadn’t been released yet, – boyfriend privileges – as well as their favorite songs.

He and Mark were the last ones to arrive at the meeting room where they’d be deciding the final set list for the album, and Jaebeom couldn’t contain his smile when he saw an adorably casual Youngjae sitting in the back of the room, with no makeup on, with just a bit of stubble and an oversized hoodie, a look that was enough to take his breath away for a few seconds. But he had to focus. They were keeping things private from the others, for now, as Youngjae was still a bit insecure to establish a relationship, so he proceeded to greet everyone equally, Youngjae included. The staff entered after that and the meeting went by normally.

They enjoyed a quick break after it ended, as their show interview would take place in a few minutes at the same meeting room.

Jaebeom followed Youngjae with his eyes as the other went to talk to their manager. He wanted to congratulate him once again for his songs that were going to be included in the album, as the final setlist was decided, but Youngjae seemed to be ignoring him. Or just not really interested in talking to him. He decided to just let him be and not make him feel pressured, as quickly joined Yugyeom’s and Bambam’s conversation, as they discussed what was, in their opinion, the perfect bottle flip.

The staff of Mnet arrived on time, and they went through the script and the concept of the show one last time, as they had already received information on it a few weeks ago, before they would begin recording. They didn’t have much to film on the first day, so it wouldn’t take long. They put on a bit of makeup for the cameras and sat down for the interview.

As the recording ended, five of them went on to complete their schedules, and just two of them, Jaebeom and Youngjae, enjoyed the rest of the day as they wanted to.

“Should we just take a nap?” Jaebeom suggested with a chuckle, as they made their way back to the dorm, one of their managers driving the pair.

“I guess.” Youngjae shrugged with an uninterested smile.

Jaebeom sighed and decided to just wait until they were back at the dorm and in private to ask Youngjae what was wrong, and why was he being so weird.

The manager dropped them off at the dorm and went back to the headquarters of the company to finish his work, which was great for Jaebeom, as that meant he could talk to Youngjae right away.

As soon as the front door closed, Jaebeom back-hugged Youngjae, who was walking quickly to his bedroom – probably on his way to his nap – before being stopped.

“Want to talk?” he asked Youngjae, planting a kiss behind his ear and feeling proud after that won him a giggle from the other.

“I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Youngjae replied, looking a lot more relaxed to be around Jaebeom.

“I understand you don’t want to be as touchy as before, but we don’t have to touch each other to talk, Youngjae.” Jaebeom continued, tightening his hug and placing more kisses on the other, now down his neck and on his shoulder, as he pulled them to his bedroom. It was really sinking in just how much he’d missed Youngjae.

“Ah! I hope you’re taking me to your room to nap!” Youngjae shouted while laughing, as Jaebeom wouldn’t move from his sensitive neck area.

Walking backwards, they stumbled a few times on their way to the bedroom. Jaebeom was starting to feel hopeful that he would, at least, have a make-out session with Youngjae, seeing how happy and relaxed he seemed to be.

He threw Youngjae on his bed, almost jumping on top of him and finally kissing Youngjae properly.

“Don’t get too carried away, I want to sleep.” Youngjae pushed him back a bit with a smile, smacking Jaebeom’s arm and turning to the side.

Jaebeom stared at him almost in shock, him arms flexed as he hovered above Youngjae, before the younger pulled him down so they could snuggle. Youngjae intertwined fingers with Jaebeom, crossing his arms around him.

“Let’s sleep, Jaebeomie.” Youngjae added, taking Jaebeom’s right hand near his lips to kiss it lightly before quickly placing it around him again.

Jaebeom managed to control a squeal, but it had been a long time since Youngjae called him his _Jaebeomie_ and it was one of the things he loved to hear Youngjae say the most.

“Alright, Youngjae-ah.” He responded proudly, nuzzling the back of Youngjae’s head and feeling like the luckiest guy on Earth right now.

~

They had started filming a few episodes in advance for their show, as there would be days where they would be too busy and wouldn’t be able to do everything. And even with pre-recordings, Jackson and Jinyoung weren’t going to be able to join them due to their individual schedule. But they would have to do their best with the conditions they were under, so off to their recording site they went.

The crew of the show separated them into two groups, and seeing that he was paired up with Youngjae, and that Mark, Bambam and Yugyeom were in a different group, he began to realize that his plan had worked.

You see, a few weeks ago, when they received the remaining information on the show they would be doing, and understood the concept of the show, Jaebeom started to put some thinking into it, and realized this was an amazing opportunity to go on…did you guess it?

A date with Youngjae.

 But his plan still needed some polishing before it became the ultimate master plan that was going to undoubtedly work. If he planned everything properly, he wouldn’t have to lift a finger and it would all set-in motion on itself.

He decided to ask for the rest of the guys help and to keep Youngjae in the dark about this plan of his so he wouldn’t be able to possibly refuse to go on a date with him for a show. They all gladly helped him, as they were still waiting for the two to go back to each other and were thrilled that Jaebeom was finally doing something for that to happen.

And so, Jaebeom got the others to write on their list one thing in common – they chose to go water skiing – while he wrote ‘to go on a date’. If his predictions were right, the crew would see the pattern and leave Jaebeom and Youngjae out of the water skiing plan, and send Jaebeom on his date with Youngjae, which would surely be a great way to have a bit of fun with the members by messing with their plans.  At least, in their point of view, had they not been the ones who had been messed with.

Jaebeom didn’t want to brag, but he felt like a genius when he started to see that his plan really had worked, and Mnet was very easy to predict.

But there would be one thing that he would have to do, and that would probably be a bit difficult, and that would be to hide his happiness to have Youngjae all for him for the few hours they’d spend filming and to control himself from showing him off to the cameras.

Everything felt a bit awkward at first, as Youngjae always tried very hard to not be very affectionate towards Jaebeom when they were filming something, even if sometimes he failed to do so. But as time went by and no one seemed to be bothered, including the filming crew – what was there to be bothered about, anyway – they both relaxed pretty quickly and just enjoyed the day together.

As he saw Youngjae loosening up, Jaebeom tried to push Youngjae out of his comfort zone as much as possible without looking too obvious, to make Youngjae see he didn’t need to be so alert all the time.

They were literally surrounded by cameras, who would think they were on a real date, even if, in fact and unfortunately, it wasn’t a real date?

 However, Youngjae was just not having it, and acted as normally as possible throughout the entire day, even when Jaebeom began suggesting date songs that were more on the _bedroom songs_ side.

Still, when he noticed Youngjae focused on his phone, looking for the best camera angles and taking selfies to upload on his Instagram, something he rarely did, he knew. Youngjae was as happy as him, if not more, for having been chosen to go on this date.

Filming ended sooner than they wanted to, and eventually they were on their van, on their way to their next schedule. Jaebeom asked the others in secret to not ask Youngjae anything related to their date, in case he’d start to suspect he’d been set up for it. They reluctantly agreed, but Mark made Jaebeom promise he’d come clean and confess to Youngjae his whole plan.

Jaebeom decided to wait until they were back at the dorm to talk to Youngjae, in case he’d get mad at him and be sad while he had to work.

“Damn it, I can’t tell him...look at him, he’s so happy!” Jaebeom confided with Mark in a loud whisper, as they looked at Youngjae, Bambam and Yugyeom screaming the lyrics of some song that was playing from one of their phones.

“We just arrived at the dorm and you’re cowering already?” Mark provoked Jaebeom. “Hey kids, who wants ice cream?” Mark asked the others.

“Tsk, you just want us to say yes and for us to go buy it for you.” Bambam snickered.

“I was actually going to pay for yours if you came with me to the store. And I’d let you buy whatever you want. But I’ll just go by myself, I guess.” Mark shrugged, and Jaebeom was staring at him, confused. Where did this come from out of a sudden?

“I’ll go with you!” Youngjae ran to Mark and held on to his arm.

“No, you stay here resting. Bambam and Yugyeom are coming with me now for being rude. I’ll bring you your favorite ice cream and snacks, don’t worry.” Mark pinched Youngjae’s cheek, and Jaebeom was starting to get angry at Mark.

“But I didn’t even say anything!” Yugyeom protested.

“You were thinking, probably. You and Bambam are the same, anyway. Let’s go now.” Mark walked towards the two youngest and grabbed them by their arms to pull them with him.

As they left the dorm, Jaebeom understood what Mark was trying to do, and wasn’t so angry at him anymore – even if Mark knew very well that Youngjae’s cheeks were off-limits for anyone that wasn’t him.

“Wah…I’m being spoiled today.” Youngjae chuckled.

Jaebeom exhaled and decided to just get it over with, they didn’t have much time to talk anyway. “Youngjae, I have something to tell you. That’s why Mark…left.”

“Oh, what is it?”

“Youngjae…about the date today…” Jaebeom scratched the back of his head, trying to say the right words. “Let’s say…I might have had a part in it…”

“That’s it?” Youngjae shrugged, after waiting a while for Jaebeom to continue but seeing he was done.

“What?”

“What? You didn’t think I bought that terrible acting of yours when you asked them if they were going to make us do the stuff you suggested? I’m not that stupid, Jaebeom.” Youngjae laughed.

“Of course you’re not stupid, what are you saying? And…sorry. For hiding that from you. Honestly, I didn’t even do that much, they kinda just took the bait and…it was fun, right?” Jaebeom went to nervously hold Youngjae’s hand, playing with his fingers as he tried to explain himself.

“Yes, I had a lot of fun, actually” Youngjae giggled. “And I’ll forgive you if you show me more songs like those you chose.” He whispered in Jaebeom’s ear, brushing his nose on it and sending a shiver down Jaebeom’s spine.

“Ah, Youngjae…” Jaebeom sighed, pulling Youngjae closer to him by his shirt.

“No, I won’t! Because you’re a pervert!” Youngjae pushed the other away, sticking his tongue out and running away laughing as Jaebeom began to chase him. He ended up getting caught but didn’t stop squirming as Jaebeom held on tightly to him.

“You think this is funny?” Jaebeom said, clearly just joking with Youngjae as they were both giggling.

“It is, you’re so desperate.” Youngjae kept teasing him.

“You can’t blame me.” Jaebeom rested his forehead against Youngjae’s.

“Let’s stop. They should be here any minute now.” Youngjae looked away, trying to push Jaebeom away.

“Youngjae…let’s just tell them already. It’s not like it would be any surprise…and they probably figured it out by now considering I…involved them in my date plan.”

“You told them?!” Youngjae was in shock. What the hell was Jaebeom thinking?

“No, no! I didn’t tell them anything! I just asked them to help me, Youngjae.”

Youngjae sighed, placing his head on Jaebeom’s shoulder. “Fine…but don’t say any embarrassing things like last time! A simple _we’re dating, don’t make a huge scandal out of it, thank you_ will do.”

“Alright.” Jaebeom replied, caressing Youngjae’s head and placing a gentle kiss on his neck.

 

They waited for Jackson and Jinyoung to arrive from their schedules do they could tell everyone over the snacks Mark had bought for them that they were dating again.

The guys were happy to know they were fine now, after they briefly explained what had happened that had put a strain on them and how they had naturally fixed things. Jinyoung forced Jaebeom to promise that he’d never hurt Youngjae again, or Jaebeom would have to settle accounts with all of them, Jaebeom threatening to smack Jinyoung at first, but ending up promising he would do better in a mutter.

They ended up having a chat about a few other things, before Jaebeom sent everyone off to bed, especially Jinyoung and Jackson who’d been working for the entire day.

Youngjae went to take a shower first, and Jaebeom waited up for him to check if he was really going to sleep after that or if he was just going to go play a game on his computer.

“Oh, Jaebumie. I thought you were joking when you said you were going to wait.” Youngjae was a bit startled when he noticed Jaebeom on his phone, sitting on the couch, but went to join him. “Can you put some lotion on my back, please?” he asked cutely, and Jaebeom felt his heart race. A wet-haired, adorable Youngjae in his white bathrobe asking him to put lotion on his bare back?

“Of course.” Jaebeom replied, taking the lotion from Youngjae’s hand before starting. “So…you’re going to your room?” he asked, massaging the lotion on Youngjae’s back.

“Where should I go?” Youngjae giggled.

“I don’t know…you could decide to come to my room instead…” Jaebeom proposed indifferently. Or at least trying to be.

“I think you’re forgetting that you already have a roommate. Our room can’t fit three people, it’d be like the inside of a volcano.” Youngjae shook his head.

“Ah! Did I hear that right? _Our_ room?” Jaebeom chuckled, making Youngjae laugh embarrassedly as he got up to smack Jaebeom’s arm.

“I’m going to bed! Bye!” he poked Jaebeom’s side before running away to his bedroom.

Jaebeom watched him disappear to his and Mark’s room with a fond smile, before following Youngjae. The younger almost screamed when someone suddenly grabbed him and pulled him in for a hug. Mark was still up, watching a video on his phone while he waited for Youngjae to go to bed, but the scene in front of him was much more entertaining.

“You scared me!” Youngjae whimpered, holding on to Jaebeom, as the latter laughed along with Mark.

“Just wanted to make sure you were going to sleep. You’re going to sleep, right? No video games?” Jaebeom asked, regaining his breath.

“No! I’m tired! Now go, I still need to put on my pajama.” Youngjae replied, trying to let go of Jaebeom.

Mark focused his attention back on the video as he caught a glimpse of the other two sharing a few kisses as they wished each other goodnight, not wanting to remember he was third wheeling. Jaebeom kicked Youngjae’s butt as the younger went up the ladder to his bed, after putting on his pajama and being all ready to sleep.

“Night, guys.” Jaebeom said, heading to the door and turning off the light for them on his way out.

“Goodnight, bro.” Mark replied.

“Goodnight, _oppa.”_ Youngjae teased him, knowing Jaebeom was too tired to respond. He just heard Jaebeom sigh and felt proud of himself. Jaebeom really let him go with the things he said too easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, i guess it's official now!!  
> and i hope you're having a great new year celebration, and that you have a fantastic 2019 ;D also i truly hope 2019 is kinder on got7's health :( i'll make sure to support them on today's gayo daejejeon T_T (along with a few other groups that i love, of course)


	23. Chapter 23

Their show had recently started airing, and Jaebeom felt wronged. Even if it wasn’t Youngjae’s fault, just why did he have to get sick now? Did he know how hard it was to head out for filming and the rest of their schedule and having to be apart from him for the entire day?

He was definitely going to start to push his agenda of getting Youngjae back to their bedroom. For the past days, by the time Jaebeom arrived back to the dorm, Youngjae was napping or already asleep and when he happened to be awake their cuddling session in Youngjae’s bed had to be short, too short for Jaebeom’s liking, so that both of them could rest in their respective beds. There was no way he could take care of him like this, make sure he had slept well as soon as they woke up, make sure he was getting better, and especially make sure Youngjae wouldn’t get sick again.

Jackson had noticed how dejected Jaebeom looked every time Youngjae’s name was even mentioned, and he’d been trying to cheer him up, be it behind or in front of the cameras. No one really knew how long Youngjae would have to stay at the dorm resting before he started to feel better, and Jackson knew that was breaking Jaebeom’s heart. He’d heard about how Jaebeom had been recently pressuring Youngjae to go back to the room, and Mark to go back to being his roommate, and he had to admit that if he could, he’d prefer to share a room with that special person than sharing it with Jaebeom.

So, he was pondering on changing rooms, possibly go back to Bambam’s and Yugyeom’s room as he liked to do sometimes, and just leave the empty spot for Youngjae to fill, as that would probably make Jaebeom much happier than what he’d been ever since Youngjae swapped rooms with him.

He found it cute how ecstatic Jaebeom was – but tried hard to conceal – when he talked to him about this. Now they just needed to convince Youngjae to accept it.

That day, Jaebeom went straight to Youngjae’s room when they arrived, leaving the others behind in confusion, but when Jackson explained to them why he was in such a rush they understood right away.

“Ah…Youngjae really got him good.” Jinyoung giggled, as they sat around the living room to watch TV for a bit before going to bed.

“They are so adorable!” Jackson squealed, leaning against Bambam.

“Oh, what about you? Are you going to just share the room with them?” Bambam asked him.

“No, with you and Yugyeom.” Jackson replied simply, and neither Bambam or Yugyeom had much to say as it wouldn’t be the first time, plus they always had a lot of fun when Jackson slept in their room.

 

Back in Youngjae’s room, Jaebeom was a bit disappointed to find Youngjae sleeping. Sleeping meant resting, which meant Youngjae was still sick.

He tried to be as silent as possible as he went to lie down next to Youngjae. as much as he hated it, he would have to wake him up, as he just couldn’t wait any longer to hear Youngjae’s answer on whether he would sleep in their bedroom again or not.

He felt really upset to find Youngjae in a fetal position. If Youngjae wasn’t completely sprawled in bed while sleeping, that meant something was wrong. He cuddled with him, and began to softly call his name, caressing his cheek, and had to control his tears from being so worried, when he noticed Youngjae opening his eyes and staring at him in a daze.

“Oh, it’s you…I’m sorry, Jaebeom. I’m not feeling that great today. Can we talk tomorrow?” Youngjae spoke slowly, after he understood he was awake.

“What’s wrong? Did you take your medicine? I’ll go get it for you, just tell me where it is.” Jaebeom blurted out.

“I took it, just go, please. I don’t want you to see me like this…”

“I’m sleeping here.” Jaebeom affirmed, and shushed Youngjae with a finger when he saw he was going to start protesting. “You need someone to look after you during the night, and I’m the one who’s responsible for the group.”

“But Mark is here if something happens…” Youngjae managed to say without being interrupted.

“He might take too long to wake up. I’m sleeping here, end of discussion. Now, what was your dinner?” Jaebeom continued. Youngjae bit his lip and didn’t reply. “Youngjae…you have to eat.”

“But I’m not hungry…ah, Jaebeom, just go rest. Stop worrying about me, you’re making me feel worse. I already feel bad for being here all day not doing anything while you guys are working…”

“You’re lucky you’re sick, otherwise I’d be smacking your butt for even thinking that.…I’m going to get something for you to eat. And then I’m going to cuddle you until you stop saying stuff like that.” Jaebeom said assertively, before biting Youngjae’s shoulder and heading to the kitchen.

He told Mark he’d be sleeping with Youngjae as the younger couldn’t possibly be left unattended during the night – at least in his eyes – on his way, and after assuring them he was fine, just having a rougher sickness day, Mark decided he’d be sleeping somewhere else if that was the case, while casually looking in Jinyoung’s way.

They wished Jaebeom and Youngjae a goodnight at Jaebeom returned to the room with something light for Youngjae to eat and a bottle of water. As he went back to Youngjae’s side, he scolded him for being on his phone instead of resting.

“What am I supposed to do, I can’t just stay here looking at the ceiling all day!” Youngjae complained.

“Alright, alright. Sit up to eat.” Jaebeom quickly shut up, seeing that Youngjae was right.

Youngjae exhaled before complying, accepting the food reluctantly. Jaebeom crossed his legs to sit next to him, before opening the bottle of water and taking it to Youngjae’s mouth to make him drink.

“Ah! I’m not a baby!” Youngjae flailed his arms.

“Keep complaining and I’ll mouth feed you.” Jaebeom threatened him, and Youngjae immediately calmed down.

Jaebeom waited for Youngjae to finish his food, giving him water from time to time. “Feeling a lot better, right?”

“Yeah, yeah…ugh, I hate this…” Youngjae sighed with a pout, slouching against Jaebeom and letting his head drop on the other’s knee.

Jaebeom pulled him up so he could lie down properly, hugging him close and feeling how cold Youngjae was. He touched his forehead and felt it burning.

“Fuck.” He whispered, feeling so frustrated that he couldn’t help Youngjae that one of the tears he’d tried to control earlier ended up escaping.

“Don’t tell me you’re crying because I have a fever.” Youngjae chuckled.

“Shut up.” Jaebeom looked away.

“Jaebumie, I feel a lot better now thanks to you. Now stop crying.” Youngjae poked Jaebeom’s side, making them both giggle. And here he was thinking he was the one that was sick. Now he had to be comforting Jaebeom.

To help him fall asleep again, Jaebeom kissed Youngjae’s forehead tenderly before starting to hum 1:31am as a lullaby, making Youngjae glue their foreheads together and hum along. Jaebeom only managed to sleep when he felt Youngjae relax on his arms, making it safe to assume that Youngjae was sleeping peacefully.

~

“Are you sure you’re going to be fine?” Mark asked Youngjae.

“Ah, leave me alone!” Youngjae protested. Why were they being so annoying?

“We’re just worried about you. What if you get lost? Or robbed?”

Great. Now Jaebeom was overacting as well. What kind of image did they have of him?

“I guess that will be the end of the world! Seriously, can I do something by myself for once? You guys have Bambam and Yugyeom to worry about. Besides, the staff is going to be with me.”

Jaebeom sighed in frustration, walking away to go speak to one of the managers to know how much time they had left before going on stage. Or something else, he just wanted to get his mind off Youngjae being alone for a whole day in a different city, one that was across the ocean from where they had come from, and all the dangers that came with it. He and Youngjae needed to have a serious conversation back at the hotel. But right now, it really wasn’t the time for him and Youngjae to get worked up about this.

When the mnet staff told them about the concept for the new episode of their show, and when he decided to go along with Mark’s suggestion of going skydive, completely forgetting about Youngjae’s fear of any activity that could remotely be associated with the word “extreme”, and just thinking about how cool that would be, he didn’t think he’d be more scared for the other’s safety than his own when Youngjae was literally just going for a walk around Toronto.

If something was to happen to Youngjae, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to cope with the guilt.

Jaebeom was exhausted after the fanmeeting, but they would be filming the next day, so he’d have to talk to Youngjae that night. When everyone had showered and had their dinner at the manager’s room, and were starting to get ready for bed, Youngjae included, Jaebeom asked the manager if he could steal Youngjae for a minute as he had “leader stuff” to deal with him.

“Fine, but don’t take too long. You guys need to rest. And don’t do anything stupid.” The manager sighed.

“I promise I won’t, although I can’t say the same for Jaebeom. That’s just part of his nature.” Youngjae teased the other, all in a very serious tone of voice, before he started laughing at Jaebeom’s expression.

“Very funny. Come on.” Jaebeom replied between gritted teeth, pulling Youngjae along with him by his arm.

Jaebeom decided to head to the room he was sharing with Yugyeom, as the youngest was still in the manager’s room with the others. He and Youngjae weren’t sharing a room this time, so they couldn’t take that long as their respective roommates would want to go to sleep soon.

“Is everything okay?” Youngjae asked, a bit preoccupied now, as they sat down on Jaebeom’s bed.

“No. It’s not. Why don’t you join Jackson and Jinyoung? They are going for a walk too. Or you can come with us and just watch us from the ground.”

“That’s not fun at all, both things! I’m going to be third-wheeling those two if I go with them, and I’ll probably get cut from the episode if I just watch you guys! Ah, you’re so annoying…I thought something serious was going on.” Youngjae wriggled his legs in frustration.

“Youngjae, you’ve never been here before…I’m just worried about you.” Jaebeom lied down.

Youngjae sighed before lying next to Jaebeom and hugging him. “I’m not changing my plans. It’s something I really want to do, just walk around by myself and see how well I do. If I get lost, I can just ask someone for directions. And like I told you already, the staff is going to be with me, so I’m not that alone.”

“I’m just not used to you being like this…”

“I’m not a kid anymore. You can trust me. Besides, you’re the one who’s going to fall from the sky, shouldn’t I be the one who’s worried?!” Youngjae laughed, smacking Jaebeom.

“Oh? You aren’t worried, then?” Jaebeom chuckled, grabbing Youngjae by the arm that was currently smacking him and rolling Youngjae on top of him.

They stared at each other, just giggling before Youngjae rested his forehead against Jaebeom’s.

“Youngjae…I’m happy for you, alright? I just didn’t think this day would arrive so fast.”  

“Aren’t you overreacting a little? I’m not going to stay and live here.” Youngjae snickered.

Jaebeom wanted to smack Youngjae as much as he wanted to hug him for being so calm about this. The hug won, but it didn’t last long.

Yugyeom’s and the manager’s voice could be heard from outside the door and Yugyeom was opening it. Jaebeom and Youngjae only had time to look at each other, before the other two were inside the hotel room, staring at them.

“We uh…” Youngjae tried to come up with an excuse as to why were the two of them lying on Jaebeom’s bed, hugging each other, but Jaebeom was faster.

“Youngjae, you need to be more careful.” Jaebeom sighed, trying to sound as impatient as possible. “You could have hurt us both. You’re lucky I saw you tripping in time to catch you.” He pushed Youngjae aside to get up, helping him get up right after as well.

“Well hope that was plenty of time for you two to talk. Youngjae, off to bed now.” the manager said and Youngjae almost ran out. “And Jaebeom, we need to talk to you. Just some details about tomorrow.”

The manager sorted everything out with Jaebeom, who went straight to bed after he and Yugyeom were alone in their room. They shared their excitement over what they were expecting the next day, as it wasn’t every day they had the chance to skydive. Yugyeom was having a hard time falling asleep from being so happy, so Jaebeom kept him company until the youngest finally felt like he could relax.

They woke up at an ungodly early hour to get ready to shoot. Jaebeom and Yugyeom spent the morning getting ready together and waited back at the hotel as Mark and Bambam went to get food for their group. He had the time, but he didn’t have the opportunity to check on Youngjae before they left. It would be inconvenient with all the cameras – and probably a bit suspicious – so he just hung with Yugyeom until the other two were back with food and their rented car.

But it just didn’t feel right to at least not ask Youngjae if he had slept well. Jaebeom couldn’t even bring himself to eat.

So, he sent Youngjae a text as they drove off to the hangar. After the reply arrived, with Youngjae telling him he’d slept just fine and was just a bit sleepy, that Jaebeom felt reassured that everything was alright and that he could just enjoy his day – and eat.

~

Enjoying their last night in Toronto, Youngjae and Jaebeom sort-off escaped to a corner at the rooftop of hotel the group and staff were staying at, as almost everyone went there after their filming ended for the day.

It was cold, but the view was one of a kind and they would just be stupid to let this opportunity pass by.

“You want to do it again?!”

“Yeah. It was awesome. I only asked for help like three times.” Youngjae shrugged.

“No way. Nope. I don’t think I can handle that. I was only fine today because I had my mind busy with skydiving. But if you go walk around in a foreign city by yourself and I have to stay back…”

“Tsk…as far as I’m aware, walking isn’t an extreme sport. Unlike…let me see…oh, right! Skydiving.” Youngjae scowled. “Seriously, I wasn’t even half as worried about you as you were about me.”

“Shut up.” Jaebeom nudged Youngjae with a chuckle before linking their arms together. “And fine…I’m proud of you. Very proud.”

“You just can’t stand being away from me. I know.” Youngjae chuckled.

“I…can’t deny that.”

Youngjae exhaled with a smile. “Should I go back to our room when we get back to the dorm?”

“Yeah…wait, what?!” Jaebeom was so startled he jumped back, making Youngjae laugh and a few heads turn in their direction. “What did you say?” he asked again, lowering his voice.

“It’s going to get cold soon…and I’m moving out soon too…So, we should share the room one last time…” Youngjae mumbled, not sure if Jaebeom was happy or not. “Or I can just stay in the same room I am now, that’s fine with me!”

“I’ll…help you move your stuff.” Jaebeom shrugged indifferently. But Youngjae knew how he was feeling inside. He knew for how long he had been waiting for this.

“You better.” Youngjae poked his ribs before linking arms with him again to enjoy the view with Jaebeom.

It was really a great view. But being there with Jaebeom made it even better. Even if it was so cold it almost hurt.

“We should go inside now, no?” Youngjae asked suddenly, and Jaebeom nodded immediately, turning them around as they quickly walked back inside the building.


	24. Chapter 24

Ever since they had returned from their fanmeeting tour, the boys had been working non-stop, getting ready for their next comeback.

Practicing, recording and producing had become their routine, and the company was in talks regarding the show appearances they would be making in a few broadcasting companies, as well as planning the return of their _Real GOT7_ series.

Given the fact that they were so busy, Youngjae’s move back to his old bedroom was taking its time, even though they had already placed two mats next to each other on the short space between the bunkbed frame and their closet, so Youngjae was already sleeping there for a couple of days now.

So far, he wasn’t regretting it. It wasn’t like he had completely forgotten how it was, anyway, as he and Jaebeom were hotel roommates very often.

He would be leaving soon, as he and his brother had begun to look for apartments. So, he wanted to make the most out of the time he and Jaebeom would be having sharing their tiny room.

The others had not really acknowledged that Youngjae was moving out of his room, much less that he was moving out of the dorm when Youngjae casually mentioned it during one of their dance practices. Maybe it hadn’t sunk in their heads, but Youngjae was glad they didn’t lose it and tried to stop him. They had accepted it, Jaebeom had accepted it, and the company had accepted it – under the condition that he was to return to the dorm during their promoting periods, which, he figured, made total sense.

But he would probably still have to go through a lot of headaches if he was going to look for a house to live in for the first time in his life. Right now, he just wanted to go back to the dorm after a tiring day of practicing and recording, take a shower and fall asleep next to Jaebeom, with the soothing sound of rain that they always listened to playing from his portable speaker.

As he, Yugyeom and Mark were the first ones to return to the dorm, the eldest decided to order something for them to eat. Youngjae hadn’t even realized he was starving until then, so he figured that going to take his shower while he waited would be a great way to get his mind and his stomach off how hungry he was.

After his shower and dinner, Bambam and Jackson were back, and along with Yugyeom, the three went almost straight to their room, that Jackson was also sharing with them now. Youngjae was a bit disappointed at that moment, as he was hoping Jaebeom would have returned with them. But he wasn’t even replying to his texts.

“Want me to help you move a few things to your room while we wait for them?” Mark suggested, squeezing Youngjae against him.

“Oh, it’s just a few boxes now so…if you don’t mind.”

“Of course not. Let’s go.”

Youngjae almost felt like he could finally relax after he and Mark put down the last boxes. But nope.

“Don’t worry, Jinyoung had a lot to do today and they had to delay their producing schedule. They are probably working together at the studio now and probably want to finish it all today…you know how they are.” Mark tried to calm Youngjae down, knowing him too well to know he was worried sick and trying hard to look calm.

“…You’re right.” Youngjae sighed, sitting down on the edge of the mattress as Coco immediately jumped to his lap.

“I’m going to sleep now. In my own room!” Mark giggled, trying to cheer Youngjae up and succeeding.

“You should thank me!” Youngjae kicked him gently with a chuckle.

“Thank you, thank you.” Mark pinched Youngjae’s cheeks. “And goodnight. Get some sleep too.”

“Ow…goodnight.” Youngjae replied, holding Coco with one hand and caressing his burning cheek with the other as Mark left the room.

Youngjae lied down and sighed, letting Coco go as she went to lie down next to his feet. Suddenly he remembered this level he was trying to pass in this stupidly difficult game. Yeah, that would be a nice way to end the night.

As soon as he opened the game, he got a text from Jaebeom – and he almost felt like punching him. Now he suddenly remembered his existence?!

_From Bbeom-oppa <3: Sorry lost track of time recording, blame Jinyoung for arriving late. Are you sleeping? TT If you were, don’t reply, go back to sleep and I’ll be there in 15 minutes_

“Tsk…acting sweet…” Youngjae mumbled, replying to Jaebeom to let him know that he wasn’t sleeping and just why was he so averse to technology that he couldn’t just tell him that sooner.

Youngjae focused back on his game, ignoring the rainfall of text messages he got after sending his. They only stopped around the same time as he heard the front door opening and Jinyoung giggling and making some joke about Youngjae to Jaebeom before they both fell silent and Jaebeom entered the room.

“Oh, so you were playing a game…” Jaebeom said almost accusingly as he pushed Youngjae to the side to lie down next to him. “That was your payback, I suppose? Not replying because I didn’t text you?”

“What if it was? Are you going to tell Jinyoung about it and make jokes?”

“Wha…what are you talking about?” Jaebeom chuckled in confusion. “Youngjae…don’t tell me…you’re jealous.” Jaebeom said, and Youngjae didn’t deny – in his defense, he didn’t confirm either. “I’m not sure if I should be offended or if I should take that as a joke. Are you serious?”

“And let’s go to sleep now.” Youngjae pretended to be cheery suddenly, closing his computer and giving it to Jaebeom so he could place it somewhere else that wasn’t their bed.

“I’m not going to do anything until you explain this.” Jaebeom turned back to Youngjae, crossing his arms and watching him ignoring him as Youngjae began to play the rain sound from his speaker. “Youngjae…I already said I was sorry. We just wanted to finish the song today so Jinyoung wouldn’t have to worry about it. And I didn’t have my phone near me, so I didn’t see your messages. What am I supposed to do now?”

“Jaebeom, if there was someone else you were interested in, you would tell me, right?” Youngjae asked, feeling like a complete idiot right after.

“What…are you…even…saying? Wait. Hello? Is this Youngjae?” Jaebeom waved his hand in front of Youngjae’s eyes, trying to make him come back to Earth. “Oh, are you drunk?” he asked, smelling Youngjae.

“I shouldn’t have asked that…”

“Nope, you shouldn’t. What even made you think such a thing, Youngjae? Do I look interested in someone else? And if I do, can I know who, because I have no idea who it is.”

“Just forget it. That was stupid of me. I was just worried and then I started having these thoughts and…I’m sorry.” Youngjae threw himself against Jaebeom to hug him.

“Well I’m sorry if that’s how I make you feel. I had no idea you thought that of me. Don’t think I’ve given you a reason to think like that…at least not after we got back together. Before that, yeah, I can admit I wasn’t the best, but…I am trying my best to let you know how much I care about you. Do you think I’m still the same?” Jaebeom felt silly for being on the verge of tears but this had been a bit unexpected. All he wanted to do was make Youngjae feel loved and protected, but it seemed like all his efforts had been in vain.

“No, no. I don’t, not at all. You’ve been nothing but the sweetest to me…I just overreacted cause I know how close you and Jinyoung are…but I know you would never do something like that.”

“And you know I love you.” Jaebeom didn’t ask, he stated.

“I know, and I love you too. This won’t happen again, I promise.”

Jaebeom ruffled Youngjae’s hair with a smile. “I find it cute you’re jealous of Jinyoung, though. Just… don’t be so aggressive about it next time.”

“Eh…shut up.” Youngjae stared down at his hands, embarrassed. He watched as Jaebeom laced his fingers with his own, peeking down at Youngjae’s face, that was hidden next to his chest.

“Gladly.” He said, with a silly grin before kissing Youngjae.

Youngjae only had time to hold onto Jaebeom’s shirt for support, as the older was pushing them forward, lying down on top of Youngjae without ever breaking their lips’ connection. He took his time to deepen the kiss, trying to make the most out of the rare moment of being alone with Youngjae. But as he and Youngjae got bolder, their hands hidden away inside each other’s shirts, Youngjae suddenly remembered them that they weren’t, as Jaebeom thought, _that_ alone.

“Wait, wait…” Youngjae was panting, pushing Jaebeom back and trying to keep him away.

“Relax, I’m not going to rush anything.” Jaebeom hovered above him, lowering his head to continue the kiss where they had left it.

But he was denied again, as Youngjae pushed him away, with more strength this time. “It’s not that! Look, Coco is still here!” He pointed impatiently at the little dog, that was staring at her owner.

“Of course she is, where would she be?”

“Somewhere else, like…Mark’s room! I don’t want her to see us…she might get traumatized! She’s too young!” Youngjae was flailing his feet.

“Youngjae, she’s a dog. She has no clue what we’re doing.” Jaebeom sighed, trying to calm Youngjae.

“I don’t care, it makes me uncomfortable. Maybe we should just sleep.”

“What? No, Youngjae, I love Coco but we’re not going to stop now because she might…look at your butt or whatever you’re thinking.” Jaebeom got up, shaking his head before he picked up the small dog gently, placing her down outside the room. “Your daddies want to have fun, go find another bed to sleep on.” He whispered at Coco before closing the bedroom door.

“You’re closing the door? We’re going to toast in here!” Youngjae protested, thinking about how hot the room already was when they were just sleeping.

“Should I leave it open and let everyone know what we’re doing, then?” Jaebeom asked sarcastically.

“…No.” Youngjae replied, staring at Jaebeom as he returned to his side.

“Was that really just about Coco? Or is it something else?” Jaebeom asked, caressing Youngjae’s thigh.

“Just Coco. Sorry.” Youngjae smiled embarrassedly.

“Should I keep going then?” Jaebeom was grinning like an idiot, again, seeing Youngjae nod in reply, giving him the green light to pull Youngjae closer, giving a few bites of love on his neck and lower lip before kissing him.

He almost wanted to smack Youngjae’s butt when the younger parted from him again, but when he saw he was just trying to take off his shirt, he immediately followed the action.

‘ _So it’s finally happening, Youngjae and I are finally getting it-Damn…’_ Jaebeom’s random train of thoughts was interrupted as he really looked at what was in front of him right now. Youngjae was short of breath, sweat forming on his temples and making it easier for him to slick his hair back. His upper body was the perfect canvas for his tattoos, that looked ridiculously good on him and made Jaebeom sure that this _bad boy look_ fitted Youngjae like a glove. He was glad he hadn’t turned the lights off.

“Did I do something wrong?” Youngjae seemed worried.

“No, no, Youngjae-ah.” Jaebeom exhaled, before kissing Youngjae’s tattoos, his neck, his chest and basically everywhere he could, taking short breaks to tell Youngjae how happy he was at that moment, how happy Youngjae made him.

Youngjae was laughing from the tickling sensation as Jaebeom kept kissing him, losing his breath when he came in contact with the several more sensitive areas in his body that they had found together over the years. He lied down again at the other’s command, anxiously anticipating Jaebeom’s next move.

He watched Jaebeom struggling to remove the rest of his clothes with a foolish grin, before gasping as Jaebeom took care of taking off his clothes for him. He took another short gasp as Jaebeom suddenly spread his legs apart, lying down between them.

Youngjae looked down at Jaebeom, and the two smiled at each other lovingly. Youngjae was enjoying the stare down, when Jaebeom suddenly attacked his inner thigh, leaving behind a hickey. “This is for being jealous.”

Somehow recovering his senses, Youngjae opened his mouth to protest, but Jaebeom attacked him again.

“W-what was that for?!”

“For being…cute.” Jaebeom giggled before moving to Youngjae’s other thigh and leaving another hickey there. “This one is for being sexy.” He said, being amused by how he was making Youngjae lose control so easily, so quickly. He decided to leave another hickey next to the previous one. “No reason for this one.”

Youngjae was holding onto the sheets, feeling Jaebeom kiss the marks that he had left behind softly. He managed to let go, his hand traveling to the top of Jaebeom’s head. He tapped it a few times like he was trying to caress it instead, eventually gaining the other’s attention.

“Am I doing well?” Jaebeom asked with a chuckle. “Seems like I am.”

“You’re not. I’m uneven now…” Youngjae complained.

“Uneven? Oh…I get what you are saying.” Jaebeom grinned, crawling up and nuzzling Youngjae’s flushed chest. “I’ll make sure you can cover these.” Jaebeom chuckled before diving in.

Youngjae hissed as he felt more hickeys being formed on his chest. He held the other between his arms, trying to control himself, as Jaebeom was taking his time and he didn’t want to look desperate.

He didn’t know that Jaebeom was, in fact, waiting for him to show some form of response.

“Does it hurt?” Jaebeom stopped to ask, sounding more worried than he intended to.

“What? No…it feels good.”

“Youngjae, you can do what you want. Don’t be embarrassed, alright?” Jaebeom explained, joining their foreheads and planting a soft kiss on Youngjae’s lips. “It’s just between the two of us.”

Really, Jaebeom could be disgustingly sappy sometimes. It made Youngjae sick. Even if, deep down, he loved it and was always waiting for the next cheesy thing that would come out of Jaebeom’s mouth. But he would never let the other know about that. Not that Jaebeom didn’t know already.

“You’re so weird.” He tried to insult Jaebeom, but his smile gave him away.

Jaebeom chuckled before kissing Youngjae again, a kiss that didn’t take long to intensify. He felt Youngjae circle his legs around his waist, as he tried to explore more of Youngjae’s mouth, even though it was physically impossible at that point. But his efforts didn’t seem to be in vain. Youngjae began to let out short moans and rolling his hips against Jaebeom’s.

“Wait, before we go too far…” Jaebeom hated to interrupt the moment, but he wanted to make sure Youngjae would be comfortable and wouldn’t get a rash on his crotch, as that would be not only painful but very hard to explain the next day.

“Where did you get that?” Youngjae asked in shock, as he stared at a proud Jaebeom, who was showing off a bottle of lube and a package of condoms he’d taken out of his backpack in each hand.

“I bought it.” Jaebeom pointed out the obvious. Youngjae didn’t seem enlightened. “During a break today.”

“Ah, so you planned all of this?!” Youngjae was shocked.

“Hum, yes. Do you have more complaints?” Jaebeom kneeled in front of Youngjae, pulling him closer by his legs.

“Can we…turn off the lights?” Youngjae mumbled.

“Why?! No way, I want to see you.” Jaebeom squeezed Youngjae’s face between his hands. “What if you kick Bbomie in the face again, huh?”

Youngjae opened his mouth, appalled. “Did you just call yourself Bbomie?”

“Why not, if you can save my contact with that name on your phone?” Jaebeom teased him, earning a smack on the arm from Youngjae, but quickly appeasing him with a giggly kiss.

Caressing Youngjae’s cheek with one hand, Jaebeom reached out for the lube, seeing that Youngjae was focused on deepening their kiss. He hummed into his mouth, trying to get Youngjae’s attention.

“Tell me if it hurts, okay?” Jaebeom asked, feeling Youngjae nod as they rested their foreheads against each other.

With his fingers well coated, Jaebeom sent shivers down Youngjae’s spine as he ran his hand between the other’s buttcheeks.

“Debit or credit?” Jaebeom joked, making out Youngjae laugh loudly, forcing him to cover his easily-entertained boyfriend’s mouth with his free hand as he tried not to laugh too.

Feeling that Youngjae was now completely comfortable, he began pushing the first finger inside him. Youngjae looked a bit displeased at first, but he just held Jaebeom tighter between his arms, and let him do the work. Jaebeom was always as gentle as possible when preparing Youngjae, so he knew he was in good hands. Figurately and literally.

 It didn’t take long before Jaebeom felt like Youngjae was ready for another finger. He took his time, allowing Youngjae to adjust himself. Youngjae seemed to be at ease now, as he was slightly bouncing on Jaebeom’s hand now, smiling at him and making him realize once more how incredibly gorgeous he was.

“Are you okay?” Jaebeom asked, wanting to make sure Youngjae was not in much pain.

“It…stings a bit, but I can manage.” Much like Jaebeom, Youngjae was having trouble speaking, as breathing became difficult.

“You look stunning, Youngjae.” Jaebeom confessed with a sigh, stealing a short kiss from Youngjae right after. “I could stare at you all night.”

Youngjae’s smile turned shy. “Really?”

“Of course.” Jaebeom replied, adding the last finger and trying to control himself by biting his own lip as he watched Youngjae throw his head back as he arched his back and let out a low moan that was almost enough to end the fun for Jaebeom right there and then.

Youngjae repeated the sound, only for longer, the moment Jaebeom removed his fingers from him. He fell on his back, trying to catch his breath as he watched Jaebeom opening a condom and quickly putting it on. He placed himself in front of Youngjae, taking his legs and resting them on his shoulders, taking advantage of Youngjae’s flexibility and pushing himself all the way forward to reach Youngjae’s lips.

Youngjae inhaled once, preparing himself for what was coming. Jaebeom continued to kiss him lovingly, letting Youngjae dig his heels on his back and his blunt nails on his neck as he began to slowly thrust inside him. Even if it hurt, he was sure Youngjae’s was in a lot more pain at the moment.

“I’m sorry, it won’t hurt in a bit…” he tried to comfort Youngjae, who just hummed in his ear, his eyes shut.

He began to speed up his face as he felt the weight on his back reducing and the soft tips of Youngjae’s fingers replacing his nails.

Jaebeom could now look into Youngjae’s glistening eyes. They smiled at each other for what seemed like an eternity, and words weren’t needed at that point. This was something they would only share between each other.

Seeing Youngjae smile like that made Jaebeom sure that he didn’t need anything else, he didn’t need to shout from the window that he loved him, he didn’t need to let everyone know how gone he was, how his heart felt every time he saw Youngjae, even just from the corner of his eye.

But if he did, he knew he would never regret it. This was where he belonged, between this person’s arms. Youngjae was that person, before, now and forever.

Jaebeom quickly forgot about what he was thinking the moment he felt Youngjae struggle to reach something. He looked in the same direction the other was looking at and saw Youngjae trying to grab the bottle of lube. Seeing he was nearer, he grabbed it for him.

Jaebeom was in awe as he watched Youngjae determinedly squeezing lube into his palm and taking it to his erection, that had been rubbing against Jaebeom’s stomach for a while now and was becoming more and more uncomfortable. Jaebeom stopped for a moment to admire Youngjae gasping for air and trying to open his eyes as he pleasured himself.

Feeling confident that he could make Youngjae look even better than he was making himself look, he clashed their mouth together, his hands on each side of Youngjae’s head as he tightly grabbed their sheet. He let out a weird grunt that scared Youngjae slightly, before continuing with the same pace he’d set before, only thrusting deeper this time.

He was sure they’d come in no time if they kept going like this. Youngjae kept having trouble breathing, only he wasn’t alone this time. They couldn’t even kiss and were only breathing into each other’s mouths. Jaebeom eventually hit a more sensitive spot of Youngjae’s, making him arch his back, forcing him to glue their lips together as Youngjae was being too loud, and he didn’t want the whole dorm to know what they were doing – even if he wasn’t sure that was still possible.

He turned out to be right, and they both came almost at the same time, Jaebeom being the first and both continuing until they had no more strength, which led to Jaebeom heavily falling on top of Youngjae.

“Ow…”

“Sorry…” Jaebeom rolled over to the side, Youngjae following him immediately and snuggling against him. Jaebeom circled an arm around him, caressing the corner of his lip.

“It’s alright.” Youngjae giggled. “We should wash up, right? Ah!” Youngjae suddenly opened his eyes wide.

“What?! What’s wrong?” Jaebeom asked worriedly.

“I forgot! I took a shower earlier!” Youngjae answered, taking his hand to his head.

“Fucking hell, Youngjae! I thought you were hurt!”

“It’s serious! Took a shower for nothing…”

“If you showered in the morning with me you wouldn’t have that problem.”

“Well I don’t really have an option now. Can’t go all stinky to the company.” Youngjae protested, crossing his arms.

“Stop complaining. Come on.”

Jaebeom got up, pulling Youngjae with him. They checked the time and they’d only have a couple of hours to sleep now, so they would have to be fast in the bathroom. They took turns in the toilet, and as Youngjae waited up for Jaebeom, he washed off a bit of their sweat from him. That’s when he saw himself in the mirror and the great work of art Jaebeom had left behind on his chest.

“Are you serious?! How am I going to hide this if I have to change clothes in front of other people tomorrow?!” Youngjae was shouting in a whisper, pointing at the stupid hickeys on his chest that formed the letters ‘J’ and ‘B’. They were small, but still readable.

“Well, they’ll just have to live with that, won’t they?” Jaebeom went to wash his hands. He saw that from Youngjae’s expression, he wasn’t that impressed with his idea. “Youngjae, we’re just going to practice tomorrow, no one is going to see you with your shirt off. That will disappear in no time, don’t worry.”

“I should do the same to you…” Youngjae mumbled, annoyed.

“Is that a threat, Mr. Choi Youngjae?” Jaebeom smirked, trapping Youngjae between himself and the sink.

“It is!” Youngjae laughed, pushing Jaebeom backwards and running away to their bedroom, leaving Jaebeom behind to admire his boyfriend’s beautiful bare bottom before he followed him.

He closed the door again as he entered the bedroom and turned off the light, giggling along with Youngjae who was already sitting on their bed. Jaebeom threw himself next to him, feeling Youngjae wrap his arms around him as he kissed him, continuing to giggle and making Jaebeom unable to stop giggling as well.

Youngjae moved to Jaebeom’s neck, kissing him there instead. Jaebeom crossed his arms behind his head for support and lied down, closing his eyes and enjoying the tickling sensation. Youngjae kept going down until he reached his chest, where he began his vengeance. Jaebeom hissed as he felt Youngjae forming the first of his three initials on his chest in the form of hickeys, but he let him have his way. Not that he wasn’t enjoying the sight or the sensation.

When Youngjae was finally done, Jaebeom pulled him up so they could cuddle together.

“Good night.” Youngjae said, pecking Jaebeom and getting his lip bit by him before lying on his side against Jaebeom.

“Good night. Your lips feel extra plump, by the way.” Jaebeom chuckled, intertwining their fingers as Youngjae mumbled something and as he felt his eyelids close from being so tired.


	25. Chapter 25

Youngjae was about to move out of the dorm any day now, but he would still have to wait for their promotions to end, as the group was making their first comeback of 2017. The year had started off great for them, and even if they didn’t feel as welcome in their own company, they were still enjoying great recognition from fans all over the world and were committed to continuing to better themselves as artists and as a group.

They had just returned from another day of promotion. It had ended early, and as the others went to do their own thing, be it work on other schedule, or just hang out with friends, Jaebeom and Youngjae decided to stay back at the dorm so Youngjae could finish packing up.

It seemed like he’d taken out his things out of those same boxes only yesterday, but Youngjae had really enjoyed these past months that he had spent in his old room, sharing it with his favorite person.

“You better sleep here next time we have a comeback like the company told you to do.” Jaebeom sort of scolded Youngjae.

Youngjae opened his eyes wide and stared at Jaebeom in disbelief, unsure if he should laugh or not. “Where would I sleep?”

“Exactly. Come on, we’ll finish this later.” Jaebeom suddenly got up, pulling Youngjae to the kitchen by his arm, leaving the room as unorganized as it was before.

They grabbed a few snacks and went to lie down on their bed. If Youngjae was leaving, Jaebeom wanted to make sure he was leaving with a really great memory of that room. And there was nothing better than a session of snacks and a good conversation with Youngjae, in his opinion.

“I shouldn’t be eating this…” Youngjae sighed, staring at the chip he was holding and thinking about the stupid diet he had been following for the past week.

“Do you know when you look the best? When you’re happy.” Jaebeom told him, not wanting to see Youngjae starving himself.

Youngjae chuckled. “I guess…I’ll be happier after eating this.”

“Ah, Youngjae…what am I going to do without you?” Jaebeom regretted having accepted this.

“I’m moving to the street next to this one, Jaebeom. I’ll make sure to call you every night before I go to sleep.” Youngjae promised, lying next to Jaebeom. “Oh, is this how we’re going to look when we do that Vlive thing?” he suddenly remembered the schedule they had been invited to do the following week.

“I don’t think they are going to let us eat. And I don’t think the studio will look this messy.”

“They don’t know what they are missing out on, then.” Youngjae proudly affirmed.

“Youngjae…I really hope we can be happy from now on.” Jaebeom confessed suddenly, making Youngjae slightly flustered.

“Ah…what are you even…of course we will! You can have your space and your cats, I can be with Coco and my brother, and I really think we’ll learn to appreciate each other a lot more than we do now.”

“I really hope so…”

“By the way, shouldn’t you go feed the cats?”

“Oh, you’re right! Let’s go.”

They put on their padded jackets in a rush and went to the alley near their dorm, where Jaebeom had found a kitten all those months ago. The cat had grown in the meantime and went on to have a kitten of its own. Jaebeom was also taking care of that kitten now. He was planning on taking both the mother and the baby with him to the dorm when Youngjae left, making it his extended cat family rise to the number of three.

It was really too bad that Youngjae had a fur allergy. But, in the back of his mind, Jaebeom was still hopeful that one day the both of them would be able to have his cats and Youngjae’s dog live together in a house of their own. Even if that sounded impossible, Jaebeom would always wish for that to happen, for the day when he and Youngjae could live together under one roof with their pets.

It seemed like his thoughts might have gotten in the way of feeding the cats, as Jaebeom ended up getting scratched by the mother, who probably felt like Jaebeom was trying to attack her kitten instead of trying to feed them.

“Fuck…” He flinched, seeing blood dripping from his wrist.

“Are you okay?!” Youngjae had run to his side and scared the cats away.

“Ah, Youngjae! Are you stupid? Don’t do that, now they ran away!” Jaebeom lashed out on him.

“Fine, sorry. I was just worried about you, no need to be like that.” Youngjae was offended, to say the least.

“…Sorry. Fuck, it burns.”

“Let’s go home. You need to disinfect that.” Youngjae held Jaebeom’s hand, supporting his hurt arm with his other hand. Needless to say, they had blood all over their hands by the time they got home. “She really got you there. Guess you are made for each other.” Youngjae teased Jaebeom, who was sitting on the closed toilet, watching Youngjae taking out their first aid kit from a shelf and looking very pissed off.

“Ugh, I left the stupid bag of food there. Hope they find it and eat it…”

Youngjae chuckled. Jaebeom was really adorable, he thought. Even after getting his wrist cut that deep, he was still worried about the cat that had done that. He eventually found the kit and began to disinfect Jaebeom’s injury for him.

“Want a…Pororo band-aid? That’s all we have.” Youngjae laughed, showing the cute band-aid to Jaebeom.

“No, it’s fine like this. Thanks.” Jaebeom was ready to go back to the bedroom now, but Youngjae stopped him.

“I was joking, mister. Let’s cover it with some bandage for today. You can take it off tomorrow…” Youngjae settled for that, fully knowing Jaebeom would take the bandage off as soon as Youngjae wasn’t looking at him because he was an idiot and probably thought he was too good for bandages.

Jaebeom mumbled something but put out his arm forward and let Youngjae do the neatest bandage possible. It didn’t look very pretty in the end, but Youngjae had made it, so Jaebeom liked how it look.

“Thanks.” Jaebeom whispered, pecking Youngjae.

They went back to the bedroom and lied down again. Not knowing what to talk about, Youngjae lied down on his side, facing Jaebeom, who looked back at him when he felt like he was being watched.

“What?”

“I love you. For the rest of my life.”

Youngjae’s abrupt confession that came out of nowhere completely took Jaebeom by surprise and almost made him choke on his own saliva. Youngjae never said things like that, what was going on?

“Felt like I should tell you that. Because I’m really going to start showing it to you! So…you better do the same.” Youngjae continued.

“I-I…what? What do you mean by that?”

“I’m saying that I don’t really care if it’s weird to like each other because we do, and I don’t think we should be so self-conscious about it all the time. Let’s just…enjoy it. Wherever we are.” Youngjae finished. He stared at Jaebeom, waiting for a reply, but the other just looked very lost. “You…don’t want to?”

“What? No, no! I just…wasn’t expecting you to say that.” Jaebeom explained. He noticed that Youngjae seemed to be a bit embarrassed and was probably expecting Jaebeom to be more excited than he had shown himself to be. He laughed at his defeated expression, opening his arms and pulling Youngjae closer to him. “What were you expecting? You’re always running away from me and call me weird when I say sweet things to you.”

“Well, I’m saying I won’t do that again.” Youngjae chuckled.

“Alright. Then I love you too for the rest of my life my strawberry blonde sunshine that makes me the happiest man on the face of-“ Jaebeom tried to continue but Youngjae covered his mouth, laughing hard. Jaebeom ended up laughing too until they were both out of breath. He poked Youngjae’s side before continuing making his point. “But seriously, I love you, Youngjae. I want to stay by your side for the rest of my life, because what am I going to do if I don’t have my inspiration next to me?”

“Ah, really…” Youngjae snorted, completely sure his ears were as red as a tomato.

“Should we play a game now? Or watch a movie?” Jaebeom asked Youngjae, smiling and being proud that he’d made him flustered again.

“Hum…let’s play a game and then watch a movie!”

“Sounds great.” Jaebeom pinched Youngjae’s cheek, leaning forward to receive a kiss, staying in the same position for a while to gently nibble Youngjae’s bottom lip, before getting up to grab their computers. “I’ll make sure I win the game, so I can choose the movie.” Jaebeom bet, feeling confident.

“What? No way! I’ll win the game, I’m the master of the gaming world.” Youngjae pointed at himself, as Jaebeom threw the laptop on him. “OW!” he kicked the other’s butt in retaliation.

“The only thing you’re going to master after this is losing.” Jaebeom teased him.

“Tsk…we’ll see then.”

~

Another year was ending, and it was hard to believe that so much had changed. It had only been a year since Youngjae had moved to that apartment, and now his contract was about to end.

It had been great so far, to have his own space – even if his mother’s visits weren’t rare, but he loved her company, so it wasn’t that bad – where he could create his own music and be independent.

And now, he would have to find another place.

Youngjae couldn’t say he had not thought about him and living with him.

Yes, Jaebeom was still a huge part of his life, even if they, most likely, would never be able to share their love to the world, at least not publicly. Still, even if they had their fights and arguments, they loved each other dearly and enjoyed spending time with each other.

It was ironic how these thoughts were now coming from Youngjae. The one who had made the decision to move out of the dorm first. But he had already experienced living on his own, with his brother, and now he wondered how it would be like to share a house with the one he loved.

The thought was exciting. He did miss waking up next to him, talking to him all night, sharing their space and their things. Making love whenever they felt like it.

They often shared their hotel room, but it was not the same thing. A couple of days together in a hotel room couldn’t compare to knowing that every time one arrived home, they could expect to see the other there.

He tried to avoid the topic when he talked to Jaebeom about moving out. He knew the other probably didn’t want to live with him, at least not now. Jaebeom had, in the meantime, adopted two more cats, had opened a studio with his friends – where he spent a lot of time at with Youngjae. As a matter of fact, it was the place where they were now – and was, overall, establishing his adult life. Youngjae didn’t want to bother him and force him to make decisions that could affect their professional and personal life and relationship in a negative way.

But then a day came when Jaebeom confessed that he was thinking about moving out of the dorm. Five cats were too many cats to keep in his bedroom, as he couldn’t just let them out when he wanted out of respect for the members who were still at the dorm.

“You’d do anything for those cats.” Youngjae laughed. “Even buy a house.”

“Well, they deserve to have more space to walk around and to play. Besides, it would be good for me as well.”

“I suppose. Although, I do have to say that it’s always best to share a house with someone.”

“Why don’t you move in with me, then?” Jaebeom blurted out. “I mean…you did say you were looking for a new apartment. And you said something about your brother thinking about starting his life with his girlfriend.”

Yes. Youngsoo had considered moving in with his girlfriend now that their contract was going to expire. He had not decided yet, as he was waiting for his little brother to find a house first and see how he settled in on his own. Maybe Youngjae’s idea wasn’t that crazy after all.

“Would you want to, though? I mean…Coco would have to come with me, and I’m not sure if she likes cats that much.”

“Right…and your allergies.” Jaebeom looked defeated, as he leaned back on his chair.

“I would be willing to have allergies if I could be with you.” Youngjae smiled. Jaebeom smiled back and took his hand. “And I’m sure we could figure something out for the pets to live comfortably together.”

“Youngjae, come with me.” The older said, almost desperately.

“What? Where?” Youngjae was confused. But he knew he’d be safe with the other. “Fine, let’s go.”

Jaebeom got up and pulled the other with him out of the studio. He led them first to Youngjae’s house, where he told him to pack a few things, and then to the dorm, where Jaebeom did the same that he had told the other to do.

“I’m so lost, Jaebeom. Where are we going?” Youngjae chuckled, as they, apparently, made their way over to the train station after leaving the dorm and getting on a bus.

“Your house. Or mine. I don’t know, the train that comes first, that’s where we’re going first.”

“What?” Youngjae couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Why are we going there?!”

Jaebeom seemed like he wanted to speak, but he couldn’t. Youngjae decided to wait until they arrived at the train station, so that they could find a quieter place to talk.

Still, he was completely lost. What business did they have at either of their parents’ house? It couldn’t be that Jaebeom wanted to tell his parents that they were dating, and Youngjae didn’t exactly want to do that at that moment either. Even if their parents knew they had someone, and that they were of the same gender, they did not know it was Jaebeom or Youngjae. Maybe they had been dragging it on for too long, but Youngjae just couldn’t find the courage to tell them, and he, so far, had thought Jaebeom felt the same way.

Eventually, they arrived at the train station, where Youngjae took the lead and pulled Jaebeom along, to find somewhere where they could talk.

They found a less crowded spot, where there was a bench. They had a seat and Youngjae inhaled, trying to stay calm before speaking.

“Can you tell me now, what are we doing? We can’t just get up and run away without telling anyone. You’re the leader, you should know that better than anyone!”

“We don’t have schedule today, so I’m not anyone’s leader.” Jaebeom shrugged and crossed his arms.

“Just tell me what the hell are we doing!” Youngjae was losing his patience.

“I want to get married to you!” Jaebeom replied, as aggressively as Youngjae had spoken. Probably not the best way to propose to someone.

Youngjae was shocked. He had not heard Jaebeom correctly, it must have been that.

“You…what?” He asked, now calmer.

“I want to marry you. Well…not marry _marry_. Just…ask for our parents’ permission and… I don’t know. Come up with our own ceremony.”

“Jaebeom…” Youngjae didn’t even know what to say. Even if something was telling him that this was the stupidest idea he had ever heard of, there was another voice telling him to go for it. To get married to Jaebeom – even if it wasn’t a real marriage.

“If we want to live together, if we love each other; I don’t see the problem. You’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, in sickness and in health and all of that.” Jaebeom laughed.

“And you laugh, you idiot.” Youngjae hugged the other, trying to keep his tears from falling.

“So, what do you say?”

“Does this mean we can go on a honeymoon?” Youngjae whispered, and by Jaebeom’s giggle he felt like the other knew his answer.

~

They got inside a train, and it seemed that their first destination was Mokpo. That meant that Jaebeom’s parents would be the last ones to know, and maybe that Jaebeom’s house would be were their _ceremony_ would take place. Jaebeom wondered if Youngjae’s parents would want to come with them to Ilsan, to see their youngest child get married.

“Jaebeom, I was thinking…I can keep my last name, right?”

“What? Oh…well, technically, this is illegal so I guess you can do whatever you want.” Jaebeom chuckled.

“I hope our parents are okay with this…”

“I know they will be.” Jaebeom took Youngjae’s hand and looked into his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, for your comments and/or for clicking the "kudos" button  
> posted the last three chapters in a row just because haha don't really have a reason  
> 2jae rise! *drops mic*


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